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61st Kohaku Utagassen rundown (2010 edition)

This time I didn’t let a year elapse between rundown editions. I think a round of applause is in order.

(pause for applause)

Thank you, you’re too kind. Welp, time for me to rewatch the 61st Kohaku Utagassen (第61回NHK紅白歌合戦). I know I’ve seen it at least once because looking at the titles reminds me of several performances. That’s usually a good sign, but you never know. I think the next one (62nd) was the last one I saw before I quit watching Kohaku. Anyway, let’s get started!

Ugh, Arashi and some woman I don’t recognize. What’s her name? Doesn’t matter. They called out Ishikawa Ryo to introduce the program. He’s the young golfer the Japanese media was making such a big fuss about a few years ago. Whatever happened to him? Googly googly… Hmm, he was doing okay up to 2016, nothing remarkable since.

Introduction of all the performers and then plenty of talking. I don’t like Arashi or Nao Matsushita whoever she is, so I’ll be ignoring most of their banter. Sue me. The two mascots are Kohaku Utagassen mascots, U and Ta. If they really wanted mascots to sell merchandise they should have made them a lot cuter.

1. Ayumi Hamasaki 浜崎あゆみ (12) “Virgin Road” [Note: the number in brackets represents the number of times the person has appeared on Kohaku.]

Really like the dress and the nails, but her hair is so fuzzy and messy. The song was a bit boring at first, but it sort of grew on me by the end. And of course we’ll be nice and not ask “She’s on husband number what now?” In any case I don’t believe singers must live up to what they sing. It’s just another payday in the end. As long as they don’t actually claim to be living what they sing, that is.

2. Exile (6) “I Wish For You”

Have they performed this before? I knew the song already before they heard it. It’s only Exile song I know offhand and can even say I… kinda like? It was a fun performance, actually, and they seem to have added two more people to their frontline? Never seen those two before but they got a chance to lipsync too so they must be major. Good luck, guys.

3. AKB48 (3) “Kōhaku 2010 AKB48 Kamikyokutachi SP” 紅白2010 AKB48神曲SP

“Kamikyoku” should mean “famous songs” but the only song I recognize is Heavy Rotation. On the plus side this is the first AKB48 batch so I actually know a few of their names. Hope they enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame while it lasted. The performance itself wasn’t bad. They must have worked really hard to pull of the choreography well, and the slight perfections are all part of the charm. Huh, I’m in a charitable mood today aren’t I?

Introduction of the guest judges. Noguchi Souichi has been a judge recently, hasn’t he? A few years ago. I like Nakama Yukie’s colorful modern kimono.

4. NYC (2) “Yoku Asobi Yoku Manabe 100% NYC” よく遊びよく学べ100%NYC

They performed the year before and didn’t make an impression on me. It’s the same this year. I even forgot what they sang already. I remember the “100% no Yuuki” they sang afterwards, but not the main song. And TBH it’s a little embarrassing watching them wriggling and writhing around on the stage like that. Next please.

5. Angela Aki (5) アンジェラ・アキ “Kagayaku Hito” 輝く人

Gosh, what an affected show of faux affability. Was this whole emotional meet-and-greet with middle schoolers necessary? Whatevs, how is this year’s song? The song itself is mediocre, but after all the fuss of the last two performances there’s something cleansing about one woman, one guitar, one great voice. So in that sense it was good.

6. AAA (debut) “Aitai Riyū”逢いたい理由

Whoa, what’s with the tacky gold outfits? You’re hurting my eyes. I hadn’t heard of AAA before. Apparently they’re still active now, minus two female members. And they spent a long time as backup dancers and singers so now it’s their turn to shine. Will they? …Nope. That was bad.

7. Mitsuko Nakamura 中村美律子 (15) “Kawachi Otoko Bushi” 河内おとこ節

Exile’s “I Wish” is still ringing through my head. I wish, I wish, I wish for you~ Mitsuko Nakamura seemingly has only one song, which she has sung in the past few years so I’m not interested in hearing it. No, it doesn’t matter how many mascots you use or how many times you trot Tokio out.

8. Flumpool (2) “Kimi ni Todoke” 君に届け

That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to watch the Kimi ni Todoke anime for a long time. Not related to this song though, AFAIK. Three of the members have been buddies since nursery school. Amazing. But doesn’t highlighting that make the fourth member feel like even more of an outsider? I saw the staff member collecting the mic! Anyway, the song. Not particularly good.

9. Ayaka Hirahara (7)平原綾香 “Voyagers”

Matsushita pronounced the song title like “Boyjas” so I didn’t know what it was until I actually saw “Voyagers” on the screen. The song was used as the theme song for a nature program, Darwin’s something or the other, hence all the animal videos in the background. How someone can look at the variety and complexity of nature and say it all just exploded from nothingness and magically ‘evolved’ into what we see now is beyond me. But man will believe anything rather than accept God so it’s no surprise. The song is forgettable. I know that because I’ve already forgotten it. Hai, tsugi.

10. Yusuke 遊助 (2) “Hito” ひと

A lot of returnees from last year’s edition. Yusuke’s father started a band 10 years ago with the goal of making it to Kohaku Utagassen. Would be funny if he ever made it. Yusuke wrote this song for a friend of his who was getting married. It’s all “We’ll always be buddies” kind of song. Just okay. Lots of frozen smiles on the backup dancers.

Special program: “Character Kohaku Utagassen” 企画「キャラクター紅白歌合戦」
1: Okaasan to Issho “Doko no ko no kinoko” おかあさんといっしょ「ドコノコノキノコ」

Oh, that was surprisingly catchy. A bit of a Slavic influence and all, very catchy. I can imagine liking this as a kid.

2: Kaibutsu-kun (Satoshi Ohno) “Yukai tsuukai Kaibutsu-kun” 怪物くん（大野智）「ユカイツーカイ怪物くん」

So that’s where Ohno has been for the past little while. I so don’t like his face. I don’t suppose he would like mine instead. I remember all the promotion for this movie. …That wasn’t bad either. But the characters are all annoying.

3: Nana Mizuki and Atsuko Maeda and Tomomi Itano (AKB48) “Alright! Heart Catch Precure!” 水樹奈々&前田敦子・大島優子・板野友美（AKB48）「Alright! ハートキャッチプリキュア!」

I saw you guys filing in. I couldn’t get into Precure so it doesn’t matter what they sing. I hope it’s catchy… It actually is. And Nana Mizuki is lipsyncing so she’s not screeching into my ear like last year. Not bad at all.

4: Kazuo Kumakura “Gegege no Kitarou” 熊倉一雄「ゲゲゲの鬼太郎」

Huh. A relatively understated performance, but very creepy and atmospheric, just right for the theme. If I had to pick a winner I’d pick this one, actually. The voice and the footage and the lighting all fit great. Brr.

Welp, that’s finally over. Which side do the “judges” U and Ta prefer? They all did well, TBH. A draw! Yup, that’s fair. Now get off my screen, Ohno.

The guest judge is the Nunoe Mura, widow of the author of Gegege no Kitaro (and a mangaka herself) so she remembers her husband being excited about the anime song when it first came out 40 years ago. That’s sweet. What’s not sweet is the time-wasting involving the cast of Gegege no Nyobo (Gegege’s Wife), a drama based on Nunoe Mura’s autobiography. Fake, forced banter and laughing at nothing.

11. Natsuko Godai 伍代夏子 (17) “Hitori Zake” ひとり酒

The lady with the beautiful smile. Absolutely gorgeous kimono, and I like the song too. It’s the standard enka stuff, but the “chibiri chibiri” part is nice. And look, it’s Minami Minegishi with a full head of hair! Nyeh heh heh. Actually I saw her on Downtown DX not too long ago with hair on her head, but I couldn’t resist one little dig.

12. Takashi Hosokawa 細川たかし (34) “Naniwabushi da yo Jinsei wa” 浪花節だよ人生は

That’s quite the glittery hakama he’s got on there. And the top is shiny too? Sugoi. He didn’t forget the lyrics this time. So pointless having AKB48 in every performance. This is what the J-netizens called gorioshi – forcing a celebrity down the audience’s throat until they become popular. It certainly worked for AKB48.

Ah, now I see why Matsushita Nao was wasting so much time talking. She was buying time for Arashi to change. And now they’re buying time for her. Hello there, young-looking Kusanagi-kun. The mascot is for getting everyone to switch from analog to digital television. Japan has a mascot for virtually everything. We’ll just ignore Shingo by his side.

13. Porno Graffiti (9) “Kimi wa 100%”君は100%

The lead singer Akihito likes to climb towers so he’s looking forward to the opening of the Tokyo Skytree. Oh, the stage background changed a bit too. Just a bit. The song isn’t one Porno Graffiti’s better ones. It wasn’t funny when he fluffed the lyrics too, ‘cos he just plain fluffed them. It’s only funny if the singer makes an error because he was ogling pretty girls like Takashi Hosokawa or because Downtown was needling him like T. M. Revolution.

14. Kana Nishino 西野カナ (debut) “Best Friend”

I know I’ve heard her name somewhere, but… turns out I know her face too. What I don’t know is her voice and her music. Nice red dress BTW. It would look nice on me. My address is… j/k. I was worried when the camera zoomed in for an upskirt shot (whyyy?) but luckily she’s wearing red bloomers. The song is the kind of thing I might have liked at 15, listening to it with my “best friends” who I don’t even know where they are these days.

15. Funky Monkey Babys (2) “Ato Hitotsu”あとひとつ

The height difference between Tanaka and Sabu-chan is something else, haha. Generic “do your best” Japanese pop song. I can’t even remember the tune now.

16. Miyuki Kawanaka 川中美幸 (23) “Nirinsou” 二輪草

This song agaaaain? I like it but agaaain? The people who came to cheer her on are her co-stars from a TV show called Teppan. Never seen it. The kimono is a bit busy. Not as busy as the backup dancers though. What’s with 90% of performances having 20 people hopping around in the background? Maji uzai.

17. HY (debut) “Toki wo Koe”時をこえ

The obligatory “No more war” section of Kohaku Utagassen. HY is a group from Okinawa with a song based on stories told by the lead singer’s grandmother, who was 12 years old at the end of World War II. Commendable message but I can’t remember the song any more. Yes, already.

18. Kumiko クミコ (debut) “Inori” INORI〜祈り〜

Haunting, haunting song. I remember this one stayed with me for a long time after I watched it all those years ago. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about Sadako terrified of death, folding those cranes day after day hoping they could save her. If only someone had been able to share the gospel with her.

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. (Hebrews 2:14-15)

If you’re reading this and you’re afraid to die, you don’t have to be. Jesus Christ has conquered death and the grave through His death on the cross. John 11:25-26: Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” I hope you do.

19. Kaori Mizumori 水森かおり (8) “Matsushima Kikō” 松島紀行

I have NO idea what W Colon is talking about. None at all. Mizumori with another long dress hiding her platform heels and another generic enka song. I actually enjoyed the song more when I took my eyes off the screen and just listened. The gymnasts behind her are just too distracting.

20. Hideaki Tokunaga 徳永英明 (5) “Toki no Nagare ni Mi wo Makase” 時の流れに身をまかせ

A cover of Teresa Teng’s classic song. Tokunaga released a cover album of songs by female artists and he’s been living pretty off that ever since, but TBH I like his own songs better. Not to mention Teresa Teng is a tough act to follow.

21. Nana Mizuki 水樹奈々 (2) “Phantom Minds”

Sounds like the theme song from an anime I would drop after one episode, lol. Her singing (syncing?) has improved from last year so it wasn’t a bad experience.

22. L’Arc-en-Ciel (4) “Bless”

“Bless” was the NHK theme song for the Winter Olympics in Vancouver that year. Eeee, it’s L’Arc en Ciel~~~ …is how I would have reacted 10 to 15 years ago when I used to buy all their albums. I still have them actually but I only listen to a few songs now. It’s good to see them on the stage though ^_^ Hyde, you’re syncing aren’t you? No way you’re hitting those notes so clearly with your smoked-out voice these days. Oh, he’s burning the higher notes a bit, haha. Just as expected. Okay song, but I was really happy to see Laruku.

23. Yoshimi Tendo 天童よしみ (15) “Jinsei Michizure” 人生みちづれ

Hmm, I see what Ayanokouji Kimimaro did there, but it wasn’t that funny. The audience seems to agree. It’s just a typical enka song, but somehow I really enjoyed this one. Even the little “rurururururu” at the end was great. I think my charitable mood from earlier is back.

24. Shinichi Mori 森進一 (43) “Erimo Misaki” 襟裳岬

Erimo Misaki! I like this song! It was written by folk singer Takuro Yoshida, who doesn’t appear on Kohaku himself because of reasons (possibly involving a fight with Akira Fuse). I know all this because I’m a huge fan of Takuro Yoshida. I used to own several of his albums too, until they were stolen or misplaced. That said, Shinichi Mori’s version of Erimo Misaki is just perfect, his voice and singing style just nail the lyrics perfectly. This should be good… And it was. Though his lipstick and too-young hairstyle were a little distracting. And the background chorus was unnecessary.

The white team won the first half, which is just about right IMO.

Group performance of Kohaku Theme Song “Uta no Chikara” 紅白テーマソング「歌の力」合唱

The opening act for the second half. Same unimpressive stuff as last year. They’re doing their best, but this song just isn’t growing on me. The piecemeal singing style doesn’t help either.

25. Hiromi Go 郷ひろみ (23) “Go!Go!Year Kōhaku Special Medley” GO!GO!イヤー紅白スペシャルメドレー

He turned 55 that year, and 5 is go in Japanese, hence “Go Go.” I like it when Japanese does stuff like that, though it can be a pain to translate. This was fun to watch. I don’t know any of his songs, but I liked Aishiteru, and the dancing for Dangan Groove was very lively.

Ugh, 6 hosts mean 6 times the fake smiles and fake laughs. Now I’m remember why I got so tired of Kohaku Utagassen so quickly. Sakana-kun again. Ugh. You can read more about the story behind the Kunimasu salmon he rediscovered here.

26. aiko (9) “Mukai Awase” 向かいあわせ

Another bland and forgettable song from aiko. The background sets are a little fancier this year than last year. They’re not zooming in on the background either so no glaring pixels. C’est bon.

27. Perfume (3) “Nee” ねぇ

Nee, nee, nee, nee. This title is just calculated to become an earworm. It doesn’t work on me with just one listen, but I can imagine hearing this everywhere in Japan for weeks, it would definitely get stuck in your head! The outfits are interesting, the background is cool, the choreography is great. The song is meh. Nee?

28. Tokio (17) “Advance”

Ah, the usual photo makes its usual appearance. Kind of fell flat this year, but I for one was happy to see it. How is the music? Seeing as Tokio isn’t really known for music these days. Nice song, but extremely generic-sounding. Calculated to be an inoffensive opening song to some shounen anime or TV show somewhere, I can just smell it. Random observance: isn’t Nagase’s hair suspiciously black for his age? 😉

29. Kumi Koda 倖田來未 (6) “KODA KUMI 2010 Special Medley”

I like her rose dress, but it’s obviously coming off in a few seconds, isn’t it? Ah. The hosts confirmed it. Come on, don’t give it away. We all know it, but that doesn’t mean you have to say it! Gyahaha, they almost pulled Ku-chan off the stage along with her dress. Nice recovery there, girl. No good songs in that medley but it was aight.

30. Hiroshi Itsuki 五木ひろし (40) “Oshiroi Hana” おしろい花

His 40th year since his debut. That’s cool. This song was written by his past composer who passed away so he’s singing it to honor him. Itsuki has songs I really like such as “Furimukeba Nihonkai” and “Shiodoki” but this won’t be joining those ranks. It’s so generic I started spacing out after the first verse. I appreciate the no-frills performance though. Really like the butterfly lapel pin too.

Unwanted and unneeded musical interlude from Arashi

Blah blah, Arashi, Japan, hometown. I told you I don’t like Arashi. Don’t make me repeat myself. You guys are just reading off a teleprompter, you don’t mean any of these things, stop putting on airs.

31. Akiko Wada 和田アキ子 (34) Akkoii! Kōhaku 2010 Special “AKKOィィッ!紅白2010スペシャル”

Her voice has really changed from her debut days. I know because I’ve listened to “Waratte Yurushite” and “Furui Nikki” a lot. But I still enjoyed watching and listening to this. All right! The AKB48 girls are just flapping their lips in the background. What are all those women there for anyway?

Ooh, accidental bad shot. Come to think of it, I’ve seen very few staff members this year. Was it last year or the year before when they were scurrying around everywhere like cockroaches? That was fun to watch.

32. Yūzō Kayama 加山雄三 (17) Wakadaisho 50-nen! Special Medley “若大将50年! スペシャルメドレー”

Why so many medleys this year? The Wakadaisho series was a series of movies Yuzo Kayama starred in, is what Wikipedia told me just now. Anyway, that was brilliant! I loved both songs. I didn’t know any of his music before, but this Japanese-style country music is really easy to listen to and the lyrics are clean and heartwarming. It was great!

33. Masaharu Fukuyama 福山雅治 (3) “Michishirube” 道標

Beamed in from another location just like last year. What a crowd. He’s cutting his hair live on stage to say good-bye to his Ryomaden role. And he wants the producer to do it. Okay, this is beyond creepy. Like, waay beyond. I’mma skip the cutting parts. NHK is really set on pushing that Ryomaden thing, seeing how much time they wasted on it both last year and this year. The song is okay.

34. Sachiko Kobayashi 小林幸子 (32) “Kaachan no Hitorigoto” 母ちゃんのひとり言

The last year before they dropped Sachiko Kobayashi from the program? I’m really happy they got rid of Kenichi Mikawa but I was sad when I heard Last Boss had stopped appearing too. Let’s enjoy her while she’s here. Actually she hasn’t repeated a song in all the time I’ve been watching Kohaku Uta Gassen.

Wahh, that was great. I so remember that goofy-looking bird. I mean it’s an amazing piece of stagecraft when it stands still, but it moves so jerkily it looks like a vulture instead of a crane. I enjoyed watching it flap around, though. Grand spectacles are fun to watch too!

35. Kobukuro コブクロ(6) “Ryūsei” 流星

Lots of talking from the guests to buy Kobayashi time to exit the stage. I always think Kobukuro songs are just okay. How’s this one? Yeah. Same opinion. I can see how it would be the perfect J-drama song though, especially if they play it at overly emotional moments like they always do. Come to think of it, I haven’t watched a J-drama in at least 10 years.

36. Kana Uemura 植村花菜 (debut) “Toilet no Kamisama” トイレの神様

I remember this hit song of the year being hideously boring. Was I right? Whoa, it’s even more boring than I’d remembered. UGH. And so fake. From the lyrics basically she was selfish and mean to her family until her grandma died then made up stories about her grandma to get some money. I can’t believe Kohaku spent so much time on this tripe. Tch.

37. Arashi 嵐(2) “2010 Kōhaku Original Medley” 2010紅白オリジナルメドレー

They’re singing again. Haven’t they punished me enough? I think reading too many tabloid articles has filled me with a revulsion for Arashi that I don’t feel for most other J-boy bands. Not that I follow any of them, but either way it’s quite unfortunate. Not as unfortunate as the stalkerish lyrics to “Monster” but definitely up there.

Wow, those scenes from Gegege no Nyoubou… Such terrible acting. Every time I try to watch a J-drama, there’s always a hope that they’ve become less wooden and artificial in their acting but they never have. Especially when I compare them to other Asian dramas, the overacting is just too much. Anyway, that’s just by-the-by.

Hmph, I can play the piano too. And I can do without a long CM of my latest movie playing in the background. Nah, kidding. I appreciate the amount of work that goes into such a performance.

38. Ikimono-gakari いきものがかり (3) “Arigatō” ありがとう

I really like the thin gold bracelet and the thin gold ring on the singer’s hand. Looks like something easily stolen though, just swipe swipe swipe. The song itself is nice but they already made us listen to it 5 minutes ago so it’s like a rehash. Nice enough performance, very simple.

Special performance: Keisuke Kuwata “Sore yuke Baby!!” “Honto wa Kowai Ai to Romance” 特別出演：桑田佳祐「それ行けベイビー!!」「本当は怖い愛とロマンス」

This was the year after Kuwata’s return from cancer surgery. Glad he’s back and doing okay. But wow, he has really bad teeth. Smoker? I really like Southern All Stars when their lyrics aren’t too risque. I’ve been a big fan ever since I heard one of their songs as the ending to the Ooku drama. I couldn’t understand a word of the Japanese-only drama back then, but man did I fall crazy in love with the ED theme. But enough about me, how’s the music?

For some reason I remember “Sore yuke Baby” very clearly. Guess I liked it back then. And I like it too now. But I like “Hontou wa Kowai Ai to Romance” even more. Kowaaaaaiaiaiaai Ai to Roomance! I like it, it’s seriously catchy. The bunny girls look a bit uncomfortable though. Perhaps Kuwata’s reputation as a lech is not completely unfounded? Lol at him introducing the next performance at the end.

39. Sayuri Ishikawa 石川さゆり (33) “Amagi Goe” 天城越え

Again? I love Amagi Goe, but again? I’d like to hear some of her other enka songs next time if possible. First let’s rewind and watch Keisuke Kuwata again… Thus fortified, on, on we go.

This time the excuse is that the lyricist for the song passed away so she’s singing to honor him. Okay, I’ll buy that. Beautiful kimono. The song is the same as ever, but I really like what they did with the stage effects, especially the ground gradually filling with red from below. Very theatrical.

40. Saburō Kitajima 北島三郎 (47) “Fusetsu Nagare Tabi” 風雪ながれ旅

Brilliant! This is the song Sabu-chan performed on the first Kohaku I watched, and I clearly remember him getting some of the pieces of “snow” in his mouth, lol. Seems he avoided that fate this time. Nice song, but it probably wouldn’t work without the effects or something similar.

41. Fuyumi Sakamoto 坂本冬美 (22) “Mata Kimi ni Koishiteru” また君に恋してる

Ah, I was waiting for this. She sang it early on last year’s program and got such a good response that she was invited back to be last-but-one batter for the red team. As I said back then, I prefer the soothing tones of the original but somehow Sakamoto’s high-pitched voice makes it work as well. Good stuff.

42. Kiyoshi Hikawa 氷川きよし (11) “Nijiiro no Baiyon” 虹色のバイヨン

Huh, I was wondering where he had gone. I wonder if he’s still on Kohaku these days or whether his time is past. I’ll find out in another 10 years at the rate I’m going. The theme this year is “Arabian Prince.” Maybe Persian? It’s… colorful. The song is ordinary.

42. Dreams Come True “Ikite Yuku no Desu♡” feat. The Kohaku Special Brass Band 生きてゆくのです♡ feat. ザ紅白スペシャルブラスバンド

I’ve always wondered if Dreams Come True is really that popular in Japan, seeing how late they appear on the program in every Kohaku. I guess they are? Not a bad song, though my attention was caught more by Miwa’s lacy kimono. Surely I could have a good seamstress copy that… She’s energetic, I’ll give her that, but her voice sounds hoarse. Still the song grew on me the more I listened to it. AAAAI SHITERU tte motto itte~.

43. SMAP (18) “This is Love ’10 SP Medley” SPメドレー

The final performance at last! SMAP! Kusanagi has been popping up in my Youtube feed recently with his cooking videos, but I know if I watch one Youtube will start spamming me with SMAP vids so I don’t dare.

I’ve been thinking this for a while, but doesn’t Ohno have surprisingly few lines and close ups for the alleged leader of Arashi? Not that I care though. As for SMAP’s performance, somehow I feel more charitable towards them now they’re gone. It even feels nostalgic to see them. Nakai out of step with everyone, Goro looking so old and stern, Katori with his faux-goofy act… They really look like middle-aged businessmen in those suits lol. Also the “This is Love” song is horrible. I’m not lovin’ it. “Triangle” is a bit better, but not by much. And what a waste of good feathers.

Results

I think the White Team has it, TBH. I loved more of their performances, especially Keisuke Kuwata, Shinichi Mori and Yuzo Kayama. And even Exile. Let’s see if the rest of Japan agrees. The hall seems to be on the White side. I don’t envy the production guys whose job it was to create that medley over the course of the program. Yes! White Team won! It was close, though. Time for the traditional singing of Hotaru no Hikari (Auld Lang Syne) and yay, it’s over! See you next time!

60th Kohaku Utagassen rundown (2009 edition)

Welcome to my rundown of the 60th edition of Kohaku Utagassen (第60回NHK紅白歌合戦), which took place on December 31, 2009. That’s 8 years ago, which means I have 8 more episodes to watch to catch up with the latest one. Will it ever happen? Your guess is as good as mine. But if I do two editions a year that should help cut down the backlog.

Let’s try to keep it snappy this time. As usual the number in brackets represents the number of times the artiste/band had appeared on Kohaku.

Introduction

Those kids are cute. Katou Seishirou looks really nervous. Everyone walks down the stairs real carefully. You wouldn’t want to fall down here. Nakai’s combover is pretty skillful… Nothing wrong with going bald, man.

1. Ayumi Hamasaki (11) 浜崎あゆみ Rule

“Rule” sounds like “rurrr.” Apart from that I’ve got nothing to say about this performance. I like her hair and her outfit, actually. Synchronized dancing when singing about not following rules seems a bit contradictory, non? Energetic performance.

2. EXILE (5) Someday

I don’t know any of the members except the one with the sunglasses, and even he I don’t know his name. Oh, I know the guy with the ponytail. And the pretty face. Oh well, time to space out through another Exile performance. Wait, no, gotta keep an open mind. They’re energetic too. The song is nothing special, but it’s fun to watch them jump around the stage like that. My waist hurts just thinking about it. Haha, they look winded. Ganbatte ne, ojisantachi.

3. AKB48 (2) RIVER River Surprise Kōhaku Remix サプライズ!紅白Remix

This is one of the earliest AKB48 batches so I recognize a few faces, if not the names. They really do have terrible choreography. Just jumping around and waiving their hands. Is it supposed to be cute? Oh well. There are so many of them I don’t know where to focus.

4. flumpool (debut) Hoshi ni Negai o 星に願いを

I feel like I’ve heard the name flumpool before but I don’t know anything about them. Practiced lines, very good, everyone saying what they were told to say. How’s the music? Nothing special. The only thing that comes to mind is that the lead singer looks like a girl. Who’s the guitarist giving orders to?

Ah, time for the usual introduction of the judges. Wasn’t Abe Hiroshi involved in a scandal recently? Who’s the one guy at the end? There’s always one random guy at the end. Whoa! Whenever SMAP shows up in this programs they look so young I don’t know what to say.

5. NYC boys (debut) 60th Kōhaku Memorial NYC Special紅白60回記念NYCスペシャル

A defunct boys’ group formed for no reason and disbanded for no reason. I don’t know any of them, but they’re going to sing old Kohaku songs. Hmm, interesting songs, but I would rather have watched the original performances. Wait, they only sang 2 old songs and then that’s the end of it? If I had a son this age, I would tell him to go to school and learn hard instead of wasting his life on this kind of boy band.

6. Ikimono-gakari (2) いきものがかり YELL

The song was used for the National Middle School Choral contest or something. The guys behind the lead singer look sleepy. Ah, the song makes you sleepy. Naruhodo. The two white things on the front of the singer’s dress look like tentacles. I can’t stop staring. At least it’s keeping me awake. I feel sorry for the students who had to practice this song for their choral contest. In our time we had fun songs like Lift Every Voice and Sing— Oooh! I spotted a staff member! They’re doing a better job of hiding them this year but I got one at last!

企画「こども紅白歌合戦」、審査員：両津勘吉（香取慎吾）Time for the kids’ corner where all the kids perform something each. SMAP guy is the special judge.

1：Kato Seishirou “Katsuobushi dayo Jinsei wa” 加藤清史郎「かつおぶしだよ人生は」 – Looking at his Wiki profile, it looks like he largely dropped off the map after 2016? Apart from one or two variety show appearances. That’s showbiz, kid. Too bad, his song was really cute. Very cute.

2：Sakura Maya “Taigyou Matsuri” さくらまや「大漁まつり」. Powerful voice, cute dress. Currently studying law in university. Showbiz is hard, man. Who is this Sakana-kun? Wasn’t he the guy pimping the sushi last year?

3：Snow Prince Gasshoudan “Snow Prince” スノープリンス合唱団「スノープリンス」 – Very young group under Johnny’s, just more fodder for the pedophiles. Only formed to promote the “Snow Prince” movie so I dunno where they are now. Forgettable song too.

4：Oohashi Nozomi “Nonchan Kumo ni noru” “Gake no Ue no Ponyo” 大橋のぞみ「ノンちゃん雲に乗る」「崖の上のポニョ」- Poor girl was nervous presenting. Making her “graduate” from showbiz was the right decision. Now she’s free to do whatever she wants.

Policeman guy is annoying… Both teams both won. That sucks. Even the kids are struggling to clap. Ah, I see, this is the role that made Japanese fans start calling him “Hogei!” Yeah, whatevers. That’s it for the kids for today. They have to go to bed now, national law.

7. Natsuko Godai (16) 伍代夏子 Shinobu Ame 忍ぶ雨

Hahaha, Ayanokouji is funny. Isn’t this that Saotome guy that shows up every year? I love Godai’s kimono. Lovely. The song is the usual enka song. If you take the lyrics away and play just the instrumentals they all sound the same. Love her hair too.

8. Takeshi Kitayama (5) 北山たけしTsurugi San 剣山

He got married that year! Whoa! What a… manly stage… What are they wearing? And more important, what are they not wearing? (o__o) … I can’t tell whether it’s better that they turned around or not. I like the song okay, but I can’t focus with those… guys in the back.

Hey, Nakai and Nakama changed their clothes. I know this Takeda from somewhere. Eh…. Live video from Nagasaki. Fukuhara’s nose is looking less pinched than normal. This must have been before his most recent nose job. A room where Sakamoto Ryoma stayed with a katana mark from back then. That’s cool.

9. GIRL NEXT DOOR (2) Infinity

Oh, Takeda is an interesting presenter. Vocalist has a lovely smile as ever and I like her dress, makeup and hair. Where’s the keyboardist that looks like Ekin Cheng? No close up for Mr. I’m Too Cool? Oh, there he is. Real quick. Doesn’t look too Ekin-like today. Very meh song. Now I remember why I gradually stopped watching these Kohaku programs.

10. Jero (2) ジェロ Umiyuki 海雪

What’s the point of this forced marriage of hip-hop and enka? I’m all for livening up the staleness of enka, but this is just silly. Especially when you have such a good song. Well, whatevs. Spaced out a little there, but I enjoyed the song.

11. Nana Mizuki (debut) 水樹奈々 Shin’ai 深愛

Sekine Mari and Ito Terry come to cheer her on. Bringing up her dead dad for more tears or something? Haaai. I don’t know any of Nana Mizuki’s songs… Actually I don’t know the woman herself. BRB quick Wiki. Okay, she’s Hinata in Naruto. The only thing I can remember her saying is “N-Naruto-kun,” but it still counts. And the song? Her voice is shrill in a way that reminds me of Ayumi Hamasaki. And she’s supposedly a trained singer? Well at least, this means she’s probably not lip-synching. Hai, tsugi.

12. FUNKY MONKEY BABYS (debut) Hero ヒーロー

I seem to remember liking this song, but… what’s the point of pulling an NHK announcer out to cheer them on? Just because he’s slightly good-looking. Yeah, I like this song well enough and the artistes seem to be enjoying themselves. I’m always happy when I find a song I like in these shows. The pics of regular dads doing regular jobs is oddly touching. Apparently Funk Monkey Babys broke up in 2013. Oh well.

13. Mitsuko Nakamura (14) 中村美律子 Kawachi Otoko Bushi 河内おとこ節

Staff member spot! Two of them! Tokio dragged out to support Mitsuko Nakamura again. Whatever for? Let my farming idols perform! Smiled at the fan reaching out to touch her sleeve. It would be tempting to touch your favorite star, wouldn’t it? Tokio have an attitude like “This is so stupid but a job is a job.” They’re not even matching the rhythm. Tuned out and started checking my phone. Haaai.

14. Porno Graffitti (8) ポルノグラフィティ Anima Rossa アニマロッサ

Za Travellers? I know some of those…. in fact, almost all of those owarai combis. They didn’t have enough time to introduce all of them. Too bad. They had to cut Porno Graffiti’s introduction too. I like this song. This is one of their better ones. I remember it very clearly too, so I must have heard it elsewhere. He made the heel of his shoe 60mm to support Kohaku’s 60th birthday. “Nobody cares, though.” Lol. Chuuru, chuchuchuruu~

15. Yoshimi Tendō (14) 天童よしみ花筏 -Hanaikada-

A song for her mother. Hanaikada is a raft of flowers on the surface of a river. Whoa, that judge looks just like her mother. I always think that’s cute. This song doesn’t sound just like the usual enka songs, so I like it automatically. It’s actually not that special or memorable.

16. Kenichi Mikawa (26) 美川憲一 Sasoriza no Onna 2009 さそり座の女 2009

Yet another performance of Sasoriza no Onna. The first time I liked it, now it’s just old. They cut out The Travellers for this? This time with an Indian spin on it. Whatevs. Time to check my smartphone again, maybe the bar has gone from 25% to 23%, exciting stuff.

“Who invited these guys to Kohaku?” – Nakai, I completely agree.

17. Fuyumi Sakamoto (21) 坂本冬美 Mata Kimi ni Koishiteru また君に恋してる

I know the original song (by Billy Ban Ban) and like it a little better, but I’ve gotta hand it to Fuyumi Sakamoto, she really made this song her own. IIRC she performed it again the following year. I like her furry dress too, very…. furry. It’s a different feel from the usual Sakamoto, which is nice too.

18. Takashi Hosokawa (33) 細川たかし Bōkyō jon kara 望郷じょんから

Love this song. Love this performance too. I usually rewind it and watch it a few times. Unfortunately this was the last time Takashi Hosokawa performed on Kohaku before getting caught chilling with yakuza. Chilling with yakuza in Japan = no probs. Getting caught = no no. Hmm, but according to my research that controversy happened in 2007. Whatever, let’s forget about that and enjoy the beautiful song and powerful performance and powerful black dye in his hair. Love the shamisen interlude… I’m gonna have to rewatch this. Powerful ending… One more time! No, two more times!

19. Ai Otsuka (6) 大塚愛 Is

Staff spots in the lobby don’t count. I don’t care about Arashi, get them off my screen. Oh, Sabu-chan! Sabu-chan can stay. This was Arashi’s first time showing up on Kohaku. Whatevs. Last year it was Grandma’s rugs, this year, Ai is wearing Grandma’s curtains. And she wrote the song herself, clever girl. Too bad I had forgotten it by the time the performance ended.

20. Remioromen (debut) レミオロメン Konayuki 粉雪

Konaaaaaayukiii. Remioromen have been friends since elementary school. That’s nice. Staff member telling them to drag things out and buy time. That’s too obvious. And they bought time successfully. Lip synch? It sounds too similar to the record… wait, that part was a little different. The Konayuki is more “screamy” and nasal too. Well I don’t mind either way, I love this song too.

21. Miyuki Kawanaka (22) 川中美幸 Futari Zake ふたり酒

Time for the mid-period voting. Nakai changed out of that awful blue suit. That’s good. I like the ordinary couple pics in the back. In fact I think I like seeing ordinary people at shows like this. I like Futarizake too. Songs about happy married life are so rare, it’s always about “I like this pretty girl or I like this fine boy or such and such broke my heart,” you know? Really sweet pics.

22. Shinichi Mori (42) 森進一 Hana to Chō 花と蝶

He has performed 42 years in a row at Kohaku. Wow. And now he’s not singing Ofukuro-san. So happy. I already like it, lol. Footage of his first performance. He looks almost exactly the same. And his hair is still black… ahahahaha. His nose is a bit different, I think?

So far the white team is leading. Yeah, that sounds about right. Hosokawa Takeshi alone should win the whole thing.

60th Kohaku Theme Song “Uta no Chikara” (The Power of Music) 第60回紅白テーマソング「歌の力」合唱 – Everyone singing the theme song of the program. Hmm, hmm. Well, let’s hear it. Joe Hisaishi composed the theme and people in Japan sent their thoughts about “the power of music” to be used for the lyrics. Music is certainly powerful, I can’t deny that. How about this song? It’s a good song actually but would be better if one person or a unified choir sang it.

Special performance: Susan Boyle, “I Dreamed a Dream. “特別出演：スーザン・ボイル、唄：「夢やぶれて」- The year of Susan Boyle’s big break… Hey, Nakama and Nakai changed clothes again. I just noticed. I too was impressed by Susan’s viral performance on Britain’s Got Talent. And I like this song too. Let’s enjoy this. Oh come on Susan, Kimutaku’s English was perfectly clear. Okay, enough talking. Very nice performance, thought nothing can top the passion and shock factor of her debut.

23. Yusuke (debut) 遊助 Himawari ひまわり

Singing with 3000 sunflowers… Waste of sunflowers. Whatever makes you happy. The song is so-so.

24. aiko (8) あの子の夢 Ano Ko no Yume

People who performed in a drama she sang the song for. “Welkame.” I’ve given up on liking aiko’s music so I’ll just play a little Granblue through this one. It’s almost Strike Time. Her dress is cute though. Hai, arigatou gozaimashita.

25. Hideaki Tokunaga (4) 徳永英明 Kowarekake no Radio 壊れかけのRadio

Ah, the radio-live corner for those who can’t watch it live… Aaaah, I see the satff member holding up the cue card. Tee hee hee. This is the song that turned me into a Tokunaga fan. Ah! The camera wobbled. How dare you! Lovely. Nakai always makes sure to say extra nice things to Tokunaga because apparently Tokunaga gets really nervous at Kohaku.

26. Ayaka Hirahara (6) 平原綾香 Mio Amore ミオ・アモーレ

Something about the song that Arakawa Shizukawa won the gold medal to. Ah, this classic tune. And the guitarist Rolly is supposed to be famous? Ehhh. Shiranai.

27. TOKIO (16) Taiyō to Sabaku no Bara 太陽と砂漠のバラ

Yay! The usual photo makes its usual appearance. It’s just not Kohaku without it. Now for this song… It’s aight. I like Tokio so I give them a few extra marks every time but it’s nothing special really. I’ll have forgotten it by tomorrow ^^; Actually it’s not that bad. Happy New Year!

28. Junko Akimoto (2) 秋元順子 Ai no Mama De… 愛のままで…

Terry Ito is showing up for the 3rd time today. Why, did he do something special that year? Ooh, I like her dress. And of course I like the song, but I said so last year so no need to repeat. The chandelier background goes well with the song. Miyamoto Emiri is the violinist, from the drama Tenchijin. Well done, ladies.

29. Perfume (2) One Room Disco ワンルーム・ディスコ

They’re really determined to promote this Ryomaden taiga drama, aren’t they? Open your mouth properly when you talk, Fukuhara. Song is eh, dance is eh. I only like Polyrhythm from them.

30. Tohoshinki (2) 東方神起 Stand by U

Uwah. The crowd is really excited by this one. Wow. I don’t know much about TXBQ or whatever these guys are called. Standard boy band song. Because of recent events (suicide) in the KPop world, looking at them just makes me worried. As long as they’re happy, eh?

31. Kaori Mizumori (7) 水森かおり Aki no Miyajima 安芸の宮島

I already know the secret behind your dress, Karoi-chan. The acrobatic performances in the background should have been given their own scene because they don’t seem to have anything to do with her so….. oh, I see. They’re pretending to be a Torii like in her song. Ah so.

32. Hiroshi Itsuki (39) 五木ひろし Itezuru 凍て鶴

He’s in this 40th year of showbiz. Sugoi. I like Itezuru so it’s fun to hear it again.

Michael Jackson Tribute Stage, performed by SMAP 追悼企画「マイケル・ジャクソンスペシャルステージ」、演出:SMAP

Brief mentions for Imagawano Kyousuke – RC Succession’s lead singer. I really miss him. – Katou Kazuhiko – Ano Subarashii Ai wo Mou Ichido… And Michaeeeeel! ;___; has it really been that long? Seeing Kimutaku trying to dance like Michael just makes me see how talented the real thing was. This is just sad… :-< Waaaah…. Not sure that was their intention, though. I’m baaad! I’m baaaad! I should stop watching this and go watch Michael Jackson videos on YouTube. Though again I’m sure that wasn’t their intention.

33. Kaela Kimura (debut) 木村カエラ Butterfly

A song she wrote as a surprise for a friend who got married on Valentine’s Day. That’s nice. The song is… nothing remarkable.

34. Alice (3) アリス Champion チャンピオン

Yay! Alice! Can’t believe they’re wasting so much time on this long intro from Arashi. Gimme the good stuff. I learned this song from Ippo, but I became a fan of Alice itself when I saw them on Kohaku. It’s nice to have them back. Lai la lai la lai la lai la lai! Everyone seems to be having fun. I really enjoyed that one.

35. Mika Nakashima (8) 中島美嘉 Nagareboshi 流れ星

Not Oodori again. They’re not funny. Another change of clothes for the Nakai team. Tendo Yoshimi always seems to be up for a laugh. I like that about her.

Mika Nakashima. She always looks a little out of it, but that’s just Mika-style I guess. Hmm. Nothing memorable about this song. I haven’t found many new songs to like in this Kohaku, mainly old favorites. That’s okay I suppose.

36. Yuzu (3) ゆず Aitai 逢いたい

Song written for the singer’s father who passed away. You’re trying to make him cry, aren’t you? Camera zooming in on his face to catch even the faintest glimpse of a tear if they can. Zurui. This sounds like something Nakajima Miyuki would sing to good effect. Not a bad song. The tears are just not coming, eh? Don’t force it. I’m sure you told your daddy everything you wanted to while he was alive.

37. Angela Aki (4) アンジェラ・アキ Tegami (Haikei Jūgo no Kimi e)手紙〜拝啓十五の君へ〜

Repeat from last year. I didn’t have much to say about it last year, and still don’t this year. I see some choir members still filing in, but no staff members. They’re really hiding them well this year.

38. Akira Fuse (25) 布施明 My Way マイ・ウェイ

Sakai Masaaki and Mori Mitsuko hosted the show many years ago. I’m not that familar with My Way in English, much less in Japanese. But Fuse Akira’s voice sounds rather faint to me. Okay, now he’s belting it out. I’ll go on Youtube and see Frankie himself perform it.

39. Sachiko Kobayashi (31) 小林幸子 Manyō Koiuta Aa, Kimi Matsu to 万葉恋歌あぁ、君待つと

Last boss! Let’s see what she has for us this year! Aha, staff member at last. I was getting lonely. These guys are just buying time, like the sub-boss before the real one shows up. Let’s see. Even the choral music is like…. AAAAAAHH, Last Boss’s transformation! Scary!!! It looks like every swipe would take 9999 HP off your life. I wish I could have seen that in real life. I like the song a lot too.

40. Masaharu Fukuyama (2) 福山雅治 Hatsukoi はつ恋

Hmm, he’s going to sing too, is he? And the actress played his mother in Ryomaden. “Even if this love hurts you, I want you anyway.” Riiight. Actually I like the song but I don’t like the lyrics and the sentiments expressed so that’s it. I get the feeling those funky psychedelic lights are there to hide a background they don’t want us to see.

41. Kumi Koda (5) 倖田來未（×misono）2009 Kōhaku Koda Special 2009紅白KODA SPECIAL

Performing with her younger sister misono. I like Koda’s hair. And dress. I can’t see misono’s face clearly. Okay, nothing special. Voice, nothing special too. Welp. And the song is just so much noise and yelling. Next please. I looked up misono and it looks like if her latest CD doesn’t sell 10,000 copies her record company will cut her loose. misono fans (if you exist) work hard!

42. 嵐 Arashi (debut) 嵐×紅白スペシャルメドレー Arashi x Kōhaku Special Medley

I don’t know any of their songs so uh. Yeah. Ganbatte ne, ojisantachi. Oh wait, I know that first A-RA-SHI song. This will probably be like SMAP where I hate on them while they’re active but then when they break up I’m like aww, I want them back. Unfortunately I only know Ohno and Ninomiya by face. Which one is Piss Jun? I’ve heard… things. They got quite a bit of time to perform. Johnny’s doled out the paychecks thick and fat that year. Oya, they changed their clothes at some point.

Buying more time for the special guest to show up and for Arashi fans to get their fill. They’re surprisingly not out of breath for people who have been “singing” and dancing so hard. That’s the power of being 9 years younger than now. Even I could sing and dance back then. Honest!

Surprise performance: Yazawa Eikichi “Jikan yo tomare” “Cobalt no Sora” サプライズ出演：矢沢永吉、唄：「時間よ止まれ」「コバルトの空」Yazawa Eikichi is the special artiste coming to perform. He really has a star aura about him, doesn’t he? He should consider becoming a pro wrestler. And it’s interesting to see the walk all the way to the stage. That’s cool.

Aha, I remember really liking the Cobalt no Sora song. And I like Jikan yo Tomare, which I also learned about from this Kohaku performance. So I did get something nice from this episode. Oya oya, what happened to the subtitles? Not that I need them, but I can imagine a lot of scrambling going on in the back.

43. Kobukuro (5) コブクロ STAY

As with aiko, Kobukuro is an act I keep listening to, waiting for the day I finally find a song I like from them. The lack of a proper intro for this song tells me they’re running behind schedule again. It happens.

44. Akiko Wada (33) 和田アキ子 Mōichido Futari de Uta Itai もう一度ふたりで歌いたい

The whole program is now running ahead so now they’re wasting time. Well done. Aku Yuu really was a master lyricist. I wouldn’t listen to this song separately but I’m enjoying this performance.

45. Kiyoshi Hikawa (10) 氷川きよし Tokimeki no Rumba ときめきのルンバ

Shiny shiny shiny. Nothing particularly special about this song. Though it’s clever the way they turned “aishiterunda” (I love you) into “aishiterumba.”

Another (!) dress change for Nakama Yukie. And another rushed intro. Cameraman spot!

46. Sayuri Ishikawa (32) 石川さゆり Tsugaru Kaikyō Fuyu Geshiki 津軽海峡・冬景色

I like Ishikawa Sayuri, I like this song, love the kimono. I’ve heard it a couple times too often though, so I’d like it if she performed something else next year. Really nice kimono. I like the hair decs too, though the hair looks pulled back a little tight.

47. Ayaka (4) 絢香 Minna Sora no Shita みんな空の下

This was her final release before she took a break from music, I believe? That’s what Nakama Yukie is saying. Boring song with the usual “Do your best” lyrics. They could have picked a better performer for the last but one performer at Kohaku. Was Ayaka really that popular? I keep waiting for the song to end and she keeps singing.

48. SMAP (17) Soto Kyutto ~ Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana そっときゅっと〜世界に一つだけの花

SMAP-kun-tachi. Their current song of that year and then the usual Sekai ni Hitotsu. For me, doing a medley of the song you’re currently promoting with one of your past hits seems like an admission of failure. Like your song didn’t make it on its own so you have to package it with something better. Sotto Kyutto isn’t too bad, in a typical boy band ballad song. Oh I see, Toshiyuki the special judge wrote and composed Sekai ni Hitotsu. That’s nice. The idea behind the song is nice, so I understand why it became such a hit. Why is misono distracting Last Boss in the middle of a performance?

49. DREAMS COME TRUE (featuring Fuzzy Control) (13) Sono Saki e ~Kōhaku Special Version~ その先へ〜紅白スペシャルバージョン〜

You know, I never see Dreams Come True mixing in with the crowd or doing those little skits and plays. They must have it written into their contracts somewhere. A different song from them, “Middle of Nowhere.” And now “Sono Saki e.” Neither one is really rocking me so I’m playing Granblue Poker. I’m almost out of chips. I’m not winning at all… I can’t even get up to 8000 chips. This sucks.

50. Saburō Kitajima (46) 北島三郎 Matsuri まつり

Sabu-chan! I gave my thoughts about this two years ago, was it? Has everybody got a fan? No, go get some more. Etc, etc.

Results: The White team won yet again. I think the Reds finally got a pity win the following year, but this 60th edition is the last one I remember watching with rapt attention.