Pregnant with my child

An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup. The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.

“I’ve got an eighteen-year old bride who’s pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?”

The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season.

But one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.

So he’s walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezed the handle. BAM! The beaver drops dead in front of him.”

“That’s impossible!”, says the old man in disbelief, “Someone else must have shot that beaver.”

The Doctor says, “My point exactly.”

Brideshead Revisited book review

We’ve had Brideshead Revisited lying around the house for years so I finally picked it up last week. First off, I want more Evelyn Waugh. Second off, why hasn’t any writer written their own version of what happens next? Does Charles Ryder ever find happiness? Does Julia ever remarry? What becomes of Sebastian in the end, does a brilliant young man like him truly end his days as a porter for a monastery?

It’s such a tragedy, of no discernible cause. Why does Sebastian hate his mother so much that it drives him to drink? From all I can see his family is a bit odd, a bit eccentric, a bit cold to each other, but not to the extent that it would drive him to despair. But I guess the point of seeing things through Ryder’s eyes is to show that each family has its strange dynamics that no outsider can ever truly appreciate, no matter how long they spend with the family. And so in the end poor Charlie finds himself booted to the curb and the family goes on as dysfunctionally as ever. I can only hope they found some measure of contentment in their final decisions.

I hear there’s a movie and a TV series out now, but I don’t think they could capture the true magic of the book, because most of it depends on the power of your own imagination. I might give them a shot one day, though.

Speeding

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: ‘May i see your license?’

Lady: ‘What does it look like?’

Officer: ‘It’s a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.’

The lady looks through her bag, pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says: ‘If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn’t have pulled you over!’

Infernal Affairs movie review

Quick Review
I watched this famous Hong Kong film starring Tony Leung and Andy Lau last weekend. Tony stars as Yan, a police mole deep within a triad gang. Andy stars as Lau, a gang mole high up in the police service. After a botched gang cocaine trade, both higher ups charge their moles with finding the identity of the other group’s mole. And so a deadly game of cat-and-mouse begins.

First, spoilers for the ending. Quick! Look away! Yan dies, Lau gets away with everything.

The acting is brilliant, the music is really good. Lights, action, cinematography, everything about Infernal Affairs is brilliant except one thing…the plot. The characters are really too stupid for words. What bothered me the most?

1. Lau managing to get all sorts of information to his triad boss during a stakeout, with the rest of the police force sitting right by him. Eventually it’s revealed that the guy right next with him was in the triad too, which is why he got away with it, but at the time it really pissed me off.
2. Yan picking up his phone after Inspector Wong died. The first thing he should have done was trash that thing and hope the number couldn’t be traced to him. Better hope he had a special phone only for Wong affairs.
3. Yan trusting Lau immediately and going along with him, all while knowing of the existence of a triad mole within the police. Dumbass.
4. Yan having solid evidence of Lau being the triad’s mole and choosing to blackmail him with it instead of turning it straight into the police. THIS DID NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL! Did he have a deathwish? I can only conclude he had a deathwish.
5. Yan confronting Lau face-to-face before making arrangements to have the evidence sent to the police. This allowed Lau to get clean away with everything once Yan has been killed by a bad cop. What An Idiot!

The ‘Lau Wins’ ending evidently went down pretty badly because eventually they trotted the same actors out for Infernal Affairs 3 (Infernal Affairs 2 apparently does not deserve to be mentioned) where Lau eventually pays for his sins. Yah, whatever. Infernal Affairs was really gripping, but now that it’s over I don’t think I want to watch it again. But I was impressed by both Andy and Tony, so I’ll be looking for more films by them in the future.

Slacking off

I’ve been learning Cantonese lately so my Japanese exposure is limited to my SRS, Takamiy’s voice and some music from time to time. Sure enough my Japanese ability has started to fall off. Not so severely that I can’t function but still I’m getting a little rusty after 2 or 3 months. But Cantonese is so much fun! Anyway, I’m striking a compromise from this week going: one day for each language, alternatively. That should do the trick, hopefully. Now back to Pimsleur Cantonese, I’m on lesson 13.