Category: Silly Jokes

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a three-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

MONDAYS:
7:30 – “I Dream of Fatima”
8:00 – “Husseinfeld”
8:30 – “Mad About Everything”
9:00 – “Suddenly Sanctions”
9:30 – “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show”
10:00 – “Allah McBeal”

TUESDAYS:
7:30 – “I Love Sheep”
8:00 – “Wheel of Terror and Fortune”
8:30 – “The Price is Right If Osama Says Its Right”
9:00 – “Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darnest Things”
9:30 – “Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers”
10:00 – “Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer”

WEDNESDAYS:
7:30 – “Talibantubbies”
8:00 – “U.S. Military Secrets Revealed”
8:30 – “When Northern Alliance Attack”
9:00 – “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread”
9:30 – “Just Shoot Everyone”
10:00 – “Veilwatch”

THURSDAYS:
7:30 – “Hanging With Mr. Hijacker”
8:00 – “Matima Loves Chachi”
8:30 – “M*U*S*T*A*S*H”
9:00 – “Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils”
9:30 – “My Two Baghdads”
10:00 – “Diagnosis: Heresy”

FRIDAYS:
7:30 – “This Old Tent”
8:00 – Movie of the Week “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves”
8:30 – “Khalid and his Camel”
9:00 – “Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darnest Things”
9:30 – “Achmeds Creek”
10:00 – “No-Witness News”

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephones 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

One week later, the South African press reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500m, S.A. scientists have found absolutely nothing. The government have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones due to cable theft problems.”

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out.

He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, “Hey where am I?”

The man replies, “You’re in an airplane.” The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away.
Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

“Quite easy,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.”