Isekai de “Kuro no Iyashi Te” tte Yobarete Imasu reveals one of the biggest flaws of Japanese isekai manga: they take too long to complete! This is a simple story of a girl who goes to another world, finds out she has special powers and falls in love with the lovable but slightly crazy male lead. It’s the same as hundreds of other series in the genre, but it took almost five years to tell because of the monthly release schedule of isekai manga. By the end, I honestly didn’t care that much any more.
Summary: One day, 22-year-old Kanzaki Misuzu is suddenly transported to a strange world. Based on the pop-up screens she can access, it seems she’s entered some kind of RPG as a magic user! Luckily, she can use the gaming skills she acquired as an otaku to make her way in this new world. But before she knows it, people start calling her “the Black Healer”!! (from mangakakalot)
In short, the heroine is reincarnated as a healer in another world. The world is full of cute guys, but naturally she will end up dating Noche, the handsomest and most powerful and craziest. Nothing but the best for our baby girl.
Kuro no Iyashi blah blah (the long title just means “In another world I am called the Black Healer”) has some decent background explanation, i.e. an explanation of why things work the way they do, and how Reene/Misuzu (she goes by an alias for reasons I can’t remember) got there. And even why she and the male lead are drawn to each other, which is often lacking in a lot of series. The explanation is “it’s magic, and that’s just the way the world works” but at least it’s an explanation. Their chemistry isn’t the best either, but he’s decent and treats her well, and after reading one too many crazy Korean and Chinese “evil prince/duke/CEO” series, this is amazing.
Is you is, or is you ain’t my baby?
As a bonus, Reene doesn’t immediately fall head over heels in love with Noche, and she agonizes for a long time about whether to go back to Earth right away or not. Even though we know what she’s going to choose ultimately, it’s still nice to see some wavering, versus the usual trope where the character forgets all about her home world once she spots a bishie. On top of all that, there’s a super-happy development where she will eventually get to go back to her world once she’s done with living in the other world. Nice.
Other pluses: the art is nice and easy to follow, Noel the demon pup is adorable even though he doesn’t get to do much, the story has its dark moments so it’s not all saccharine sweet, and things don’t drag on forever – and not just because the series got axed.
On the minus side, I think the story went on for about 10 chapters longer than it needed to. Yeah yeah, we know Reene and Noche are going to end up together, why add unnecessary rivals and kidnappings and extra drama? It really would have been better to wrap it all up with a fluffy happy ending since the last-minute drama bombs involving Guzherban and Viola went nowhere. Obviously cancelled series was obviously cancelled.
It was only 49 chapters but between the monthly manga schedule and the infrequent scanlation releases, it feels like it took a lifetime to come out. Just as an aside, I really hate it when a translation group picks up a ton of series and then releases them in drips and drabs? I’ll leave it at that to avoid wading into scanlation drama, but let’s just say a lot of groups are lucky my Korean and Mandarin aren’t very good… for now.😏
Back to Kuro no Iyashi tte, by the end I couldn’t remember the most relevant things like why Guzerbahn’s king kidnapped her, or what was going on with the church and the white healer. The most important thing was that she was brought over to that world to be the soul mate of the demon king. And she waffled a bit, but eventually she became his soul mate. And maybe they all lived happily ever after, maybe they didn’t. The rest is left to the reader’s imagination.
Overall, it’s not a bad series to read if you’re looking for a complete romance shoujo isekai. There are so few of them out there anyway. Even though the ending is abrupt, the real ending came several chapters earlier and the rest was just sloppy tying of loose ends. So if you want something short, fluffy and complete, try Isekai de “Kuro no Iyashi Te” tte Yobarete Imasu. This is the best time to do it now that it’s finally over.
The Banished Villainess’ Husband chapter 2 (retranslated)
An explanation of what this series is about and how/why I came to be retranslating the first two chapters can be found in the previous post on the topic. An explanations of my thoughts about it and why I dropped it after a few chapters (not that I had any intention of doing the full thing) follows after the chapter. Author: Komori Kiri Raw link: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n8287fp/
Chapter 2: Banishment
“So anyway, the Prime Minister is completely furious, right? He’s gotta be.”
“Yeah. That’s why…”
“That’s why you want me to marry her and go along with her?”
A desperate measure that satisfies the desires of the King, the Prime Minister and Alephaldo all at once.
Haha, it’s so ironic that it’s almost funny.
Mm, today’s tea is as tasty as ever~.
“More tea.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Fran! Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Well you’re just a count, so we don’t have a choice, do we? So yeah, okay, I’ll do it.”
“Y-you sound so flippant about it!”
“Welp, time to go pack~”
“… …”
After finishing my second cup of tea, I returned to my room and packed my things.
I understand my father’s concerns, but we have no other choice so we can only obey.
And to be honest… I was a little happy inside.
Lady Elana is the daughter of a duke. She’s way out of my league. Even if I proposed, she would never marry me because I would probably not be the head of my family. What’s more, she was (Lord) Alephaldo’s fiancée. Even calling it a one-sided crush was a stretch…
“…~♪”
That’s why I hummed a little song to myself as I packed my things and left the house.
Father and Mother looked rather conflicted as they saw me off, but my little brothers were still small so they bawled out loud. At least my brother Rooth was too old for that and he was somewhat aware of the situation, so he tried to hold back his tears, but…
“Y-you can come home from time to time, okay?”
“Yeah no, that’s impossible.”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“H-hey, Rooth! You’re a boy. You’re too old to be wailing like that!”
I waved away their cute farewells with a smile, climbed into the carriage and headed to Lady Elana’s mansion.
Looking at Father, it seemed he had accepted our fate.
The servants at Lady Elana’s mansion seemed resigned to it as well. I could tell because even though they couldn’t hide their mixed feelings, they showed me to the reception room right away.
“Ohh! Eufran!”
“Good morning Mr. Prime Minister~”
The Prime Minister was the first to come in. His face looked so murderous that I almost spat out the black tea I’d been served.
“I was moved! By your gallant figure last night! Please take good care of my daughter!”
“(His face is too close!)… Haha, well, I’m sorry you had to settle for me, but I’ll do my best~.”
“Waahhhh~~~! I wish I could punch my past self! For laughing and thinking your report was some kind of joke! My daughter! Please take care of my daughter!”
“All right.”
“…”
Oh, he means the report where I said that Lady Rifanna had won everyone over. Well even I would have found that hard to believe. I smiled and nodded to say yes. I don’t have any special talents, and my family is just above average. I won’t be able to give her a life as luxurious as her current one, but…
“I’ll do my very best~.”
“*sob*!”
“Umm, so, could you release my hands, Your Excellency~? And your face is too close… And could you wipe your tears with your handkerchief?
“You’re such! A kind young man! Really!”
“Whoa, this is the first time anyone’s told me that.”
Maybe the Prime Minister has lost his marbles after overcoming his anger yesterday.
“…Compared to you, Prince Alephaldo… He sure did a fine job abandoning that engagement! He even completed all the procedures last night!”
What? Wouldn’t both houses normally have to discuss it first?
Wait, or did he involve the Guardian Dragon? He’s good at that sort of thing, isn’t he?
“And on top of that, he’s throwing her out of the country the very day after canceling the engagement!”
“…”
“It’s too much! It’s just too much for my poor Elana!”
“Well… it is rather sudden…”
Did he get the Dragon involved in that as well?
You sure are a handy weapon to have, Mr. Guardian Dragon.
“Mr. Prime Minister, as far as I know, neither Lady Elana nor any of the fiancées of the prince’s friends ever bullied Lady Rifanna.”
“What? What… did you say?”
“Please investigate as carefully as you can. Your daughter isn’t that kind of person. Please believe in her.”
“… … Eu-Eufran!!!”
“Gweh!”
I’ve given up on getting his face away from mine.
As he murmured in my ear, he hugged my neck tighter and tighter… I’m choking…
I’m gonna die.
I don’t wanna die in the arms of an old man.
“M-Master, the young mistress…”
“Huh, what?”
“…”
Someone was looking down at me with an extremely suspicious gaze.
Uh-oh.
“A-a-ahem! Elana… take care of your health, you hear?”
“Y-yes… Thank you for taking care of me, Father and Mother.”
“…”
Lady Elana’s mother wordlessly wiped her tears away with a handkerchief. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister turned his back on her… yup, I have a full view of his ugly crying mug…
She’s their beloved only daughter, after all. All she had was a single suitcase. I picked it up and offered her my hand. She obediently placed her hand in mine.
Whoops, that was close.
I almost smiled there.
“…I apologize for getting you involved in this.”
She said with a gloomy look after we left the house. We loaded the carriage with our luggage, then I opened the door for her, took her hand and helped her climb into the carriage and signaled the coachman with my eye to set off.
Up to that point I hadn’t replied to her. Once the carriage set off, I began to study her carefully.
She was in an extremely understated dark brown one-piece dress with a decorative hat. Jade-green hair with eyes like a calm ocean. Doesn’t she want to ask where we’re going next or what’s going to happen to us?
“You’re pretty quiet now, aren’t you? You were so bold and outspoken yesterday.”
“Y-yesterday… yesterday was my… big moment, that’s why!”
“Hmm, is that right.”
“W-what is your problem?! What is with that frivolous attitude after I went so far as to apologize? Sh-shouldn’t you be comforting me?!”
“Since you’re not depressed, you don’t need comforting, do you ?”
“Urgh…”
Huh, she’s much livelier than I’d thought. That’s good.
As long as her spirits are up, we’ll manage somehow.
“Well, enough about that…”
“W-what is it?”
“Let’s talk about our next move. Did the Prime Minister… did your father tell you anything?”
“No… nothing. Last night, orders came from the palace for me to leave the country today, but that’s all.”
“I heard about it this morning.”
“W-what?!”
When I laughed out loud, she scolded me: “This is no laughing matter!”
I’m so glad she’s in high spirits.
“Anyway, that means we’re in this carriage with no fixed destination in mind.”
“Are you serious?!”
“…Not entirely.”
“Which is it?!”
“Actually, I have a relative who married someone who lives near the border in the next country. I was planning to go through them to find someplace to live.”
“Oh!”
“If they can put us up for a while until that’s arranged, we’ll be able to get by as long as we have a roof over our heads. However it’s quite a distant relation, so they might very well refuse. If they do, we’ll just have to start our lives there by carrying our luggage and begging the commoners to rent us a place. What do you say? Sounds like we have a delightful future ahead of us, right?”
“~~! S-should you be laughing when you say that?”
“At any rate we won’t be able to live the way we used to. That much is for certain.”
“…”
When I grinned cheerfully at her, her shoulders suddenly drooped dejectedly.
For some reason she muttered “I’m sorry” again with her head down.
Why?
“No, I don’t mind. It seems like fun, really. But this must be rough on you, seeing as you’re a duke’s daughter and all.”
“Oh! I-I am fine!”
“Oh really? In other words, you’re prepared to suffer quite a bit?”
“Y…yes… but, umm, you’re…”
“I told you, it looks like fun so I don’t mind.”
“Looks like fun, he says…”
Just being together with you is exciting.
Man, this is a real problem.
You just never know how it’s going to turn out in life. To think the one-sided love I didn’t think stood a chance in this lifetime would actually come true~.
“I don’t have to be ordered around any longer, I don’t have to be mixed up in pointless power struggles either… I’ve been really busy these days, so I can think of it as finally getting some rest.”
Plus I get to be with Lady Elana. This is the best. Since Alephaldo made such a grand announcement about marrying Lady Rifanna, there’s no way he’ll try to get Lady Elana back. Our marriage papers must have been filed with the state by now. It’s a marriage that my father, the guardian of the law, plotted together with the Prime Minister and King to arrange. The procedures will all be completed today, I’m sure.
Along with the suspension of our rights as citizens. They probably won’t go as far as to strip them entirely. Even though they’re acting like we’ve lost both our citizenship and our court ranks, once they find out she’s innocent, they will recall her. Naturally I’ll be able to go back as well, but I’d rather live peacefully with her in the next country. Being a central national figure is nothing but a pain in the ass.
Alephaldo and his “school friends” do nothing but boss me around, after all.
Well guys, good luck making it on your own from now on.
We’ll do our best over here as well.
That’s all.
“You’re such an optimist…”
“It can’t get any worse. Probably.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Two hours passed as we chatted like this.
“We have arrived at the border.”
“Thanks~”
“Excuse me?”
“Well then, young master… I umm, I’m really…”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. It’ll work out somehow. Thanks for driving us. Say hi to my father and the Prime Minister for us.”
“What?”
“Yes sir… Well then…”
“*neeeigh!*”
“…Huh?”
We got out of the carriage once we arrived at the border. We had two suitcases to our names, and I had my beloved horse.
“…Eh?”
“Well, time for a fun walk. Lady Elana, can you ride a horse?”
“Huh? What? …Ehhhh?”
“What?”
What’s wrong?
“W-wait… Please wait a moment, Lord Eufran… Umm, a walk?”
“Hmm? Lady Elana, if you can ride a horse then just get up on Lucy. She’ll be carrying our luggage as well, so we can’t both ride her.”
“Umm… I can’t ride a horse.”
“You’ll have to walk then. Here’s our luggage, Lucy.”
“*whinny*”
“Umm…”
Lucy is my beloved horse. I got her as a birthday present when I was young. We brought her along by having her join the carriage horses. My dad gruffly sent her off with me, saying that it would be impossible to walk all the way to the next country, so we’d have to take my horse part of the way. It sure is nice to have her. She’s a horse for riding and hunting, not a pack horse, but having her around still makes a huge difference.
“Um… are you serious? We’re…. seriously… walking?”
“Yup, walking. And we’ll probably spend the night out in the fields too!”
“… …”
I gave her a thumbs up with a grin. Lady Elana looked completely depressed. 30 seconds later, she whispered, “Please let me ride the hose after all,” so I put her on Lucy and began to walk. Before long, the sky began to darken.
We found a wide place near the road to sit, made a rough fire pit with some stones and put in some sticks I had picked up. I brought matches, so I set fire to dried leaves and small branches to create a camp fire.
“Would you like some jerky?”
“…I’ll eat it.”
Haha, her face is completely lifeless.
Well, that’s only natural.
“Want a blanket?”
“Yes… please.”
I took a thin blanket from the bag and handed it to her. I knew she would be new to this kind of thing, but she seems to have suffered quite a shock. As the only daughter of a duke, she probably never thought the day would come when she would sleep outdoors.
I munched on some jerky and tended the fire.
Lady Elana stared at the fire as she chewed her jerky without a word.
End of chapter 2
Thoughts on why The Banished Villaness’ Husband doesn’t make a lick of sense, and thus I dropped it after just three chapters.
As I said after chapter 1, the whole premise is off. The beloved only daughter of a duke wouldn’t immediately be married to a random stranger just because she got dumped in public. That would only be adding insult to injury. The answer to “my daughter got dumped” is not “force her to marry the first guy who comes along.” It’s just too stupid and speaks ill of the intelligence of all the characters in the series.
It’s even worse because nobody says that she has to be banished alone. In other words, Elana’s next fiance doesn’t have to be Eufran and the marriage doesn’t have to be right away. If she needs bodyguards and servants, the combined strengths of the Prime Minister and King should be more than able to provide enough protection for her before she leaves the country.
That realization makes chapter 2 even dumber. Why should the Prime Minister’s daughter, the daughter of a duke, sleep outside and eat beef jerky? With at least 12 hours notice of the banishment, and with the border being only 2 hours away, that was more than enough time to appoint companions, pack proper equipment, set up waystations and camp sites where she can rest, arrange for accommodation in the next country, contact the relative who lives there, etc. Naturally you can’t march a large army into the next country, but enough servants and guards to fit in two or three carriages is well within the realm of reason.
Just in case an explanation was provided in a later chapter, I went ahead and checked chapters 3 and 4. They do explain why the dragon is so important that everyone has to bow down to Rifanna, but nothing is said about why the Prime Minister’s daughter must sleep on the ground and fill her belly with dried meat, why she can’t have servants, why a horse-drawn carriage can’t cross a border (some stuff is said about magic dragon scales powering stuff, but they shouldn’t affect animals). Lazy writing at its weakest.
It’s also quite unbelievable that Eufran sent a report about Lady Rifanna to the King, the Prime Minister and the Chief Justice, they all thought it was a joke, they all didn’t notice how close Rifanna was getting to the Crown Prince even though they’re two of the most important persons in the country… really? How can they set him as a spy over the Prince and then not believe what he says? If they think Eufran is so stupid as to joke about something like that, why would they trust him with Lady Elana’s life? It beggars belief.
My final objection is less about the story, more about the lead character Eufran. It pisses me off how gleeful he is about getting to marry the Crown Prince’s ex-fiancee. A woman he loves, but who barely knew he existed and who certainly didn’t have any feelings for him. And it becomes clearer as the chapters go that he didn’t even know her well, he just liked her looks. His impression was of someone who was prideful and selfish, and he was looking forward to taking her down a peg. What a creep! And what about her state of mind? What about what she wants? Nobody cares. It reminds me of this viral picture of a creepy Chinese man marrying a disgusted-looking Uyghur woman:
Dunno how I’m supposed to enjoy something like this. The story is dumb and the main character is creepy. Two chapters is enough to know where to stop.
I Became the Chef of the Dragon King is a combination of colorful art, cute character and mascot designs, an inevitable romance and lots of delicious-looking food. It won’t rock your world or anything, but it’s harmless fluff that is great for passing the time. I just wish there were more chapters.
Summary (from Mangadex): Cheong Shim threw herself into the sea of Indangsu! What will happen when she wakes up in a lazy dragon’s dungeon? Meet many cute monsters while living a delicious, symbiotic life!
As you can see from the cover art, Cheong Shim has a very cutesy design, and a cute, super ditzy personality to match. The reason she threw herself into the sea is not to commit suicide but so her ailing father could receive 300 bags of rice and eventually receive healing from Buddha. From that alone you can see how naive she is.
But it’s not the annoying kind of naive. She doesn’t go overboard being all cheerful and Pollyanna. She seems a little down at times, she suffers setbacks, she doesn’t want to get eaten by the dragon, and she pushes back reasonably enough when the dragon makes illogical demands.
All this to say that the main appeal of I Became the Chef of the Dragon King is the charming main character. Yes, Cheong Shim is very much a Mary Sue, but in a manageable, believable way. She didn’t win the Dragon King over completely in a day, and even her food isn’t that wonderful. One of her dishes was so salty it was almost inedible. Just like the meatballs I had last night… =_=
So since she’s sweet and hardworking, but not completely perfect, it’s easy to root for Cheong Shim as she tries to make a peaceful life for herself in the dragon’s abode. That’s the main reason why I’m following the series.
Although the series will supposedly be about winning the Dragon King over with food, only 7 chapters are out so far (as of early May 2020). In those chapters, Cheong Shim has only made two dishes, so if you’re here for delicious food pics and recipes, you have a long wait ahead.
If you’re reading it for romance, you’re out of luck again. So far the (admittedly cute) Dragon King only finds her to be a somewhat intriguing annoyance. And he himself is a bit grumpy and whiny, so it’s hard to ship them together. Though I suppose one would be grumpy if a noisy squatter suddenly moved into your house.
All in all, I Became the Chef of the Dragon King has made a very promising start. I’m looking forward to seeing more tasty-looking meals once Cheong Shim gets a set of cooking tools together. I’d also like to see the cute mascots on the cover being introduced. And of course, mustn’t forget the romance! I’ll update this post when the series is complete/much further along. Until then!
Arranged Marriage with My Beloved Wife is NOT a good manhua. I thought it would be because it sounded a bit fluffy from the blurb, but boy was I wrong.
Blurb: She was forced to marry a crippled president for the sake of her family. Reluctant to accept the marriage at first, she kept a distance with her nominal husband. But his love and respect slowly unsealed her heart…
You will? Oh boy!
Why it’s so disappointing
Aight, the blurb didn’t lie. She was forced to marry him and he does treat her well and they do slowly fall in love. If that was all there was to it, I would be ecstatic. You know how rare it is to find a Chinese romance “in love with a CEO” manhua that doesn’t start with rape? Nigh impossible, that’s what. So impossible, in fact, that Arranged Marriage with My Beloved Wife isn’t one of those rare exceptions.
Indeed, the only reason why Lin Chulian has to marry Li Haonan is because her half-sister and scum fiance drug her and she ends up in his bed. So far so typical, now we know how she ended up there. But what’s HIS excuse? A woman just shows up unconscious in your bed and you don’t call the police or the doctor, instead you sleep with her? What was he even doing in her house in the first place?
The matter is never explained, so no matter how good Haonan is to her or how much they start to like each other, the issue is always there in my mind like an elephant in the room. “He’s a rapist, he’s a rapist, why isn’t she asking anything?” It’s even stranger because there were many ways to explain the incident to at least mitigate the rapeyness of it. E.g. He was very drunk and it was very dark (a.k.a. the Jacob excuse), or he was drugged with an aphrodisiac – another ridiculously common trope in Chinese manhua. It doesn’t make it any better, but at least it’s an excuse to make him seem like less of a monster.
But no, he was just randomly in her house, randomly did the deed, then decided to take responsibility… even though he’s powerful enough to wipe out the whole Lin family for tricking him. Which means they didn’t trick him and he was fully aware? Dammit Li Haonan, I’m trying to like you but you’re a rapist, dammit! It’s a shame because he’s much more decent and less abusive than some of the crazy MLs you find in other manhua. Except for, you know, the whole rapist thing. Which is really a deal breaker, seriously.
Looking on the bright side?
Okay, how about we look past that massive obstacle and focus on the rest of Arranged Marriage With My Beloved Wife? The art is pretty poor and cheaply drawn, but I’ve seen worse. The plot is junk, though. It’s yet another series where the main character has the IQ of a brick and keeps talking to and hanging out with people who clearly mean her harm.
How many times is she going to run over to her Dad’s house when she knows he clearly favors her sister? Why does she keep working with a clearly vengeful coworker who almost killed her? Why would she follow that obviously evil coworker to a hotel room without letting others know? The list of Lin Chunian’s stupidities are endless. Just when it seems like she’s starting to wise up, the manhua ends abruptly. That’s right, all that frustration and annoyance and then it ends before it gets good. =_=
The other good things about this manhua: As I said, the ML is decent apart from… you know. They have a good relationship without too much bickering or arguing. Misunderstandings are quickly resolved. At least one member of his family is decent. Li Haonan protects Lin Chulian all the time but backs off and lets her handle it when she insists. If only it wasn’t for… you know. *sigh*
Arranged Marriage with My Beloved Wife is licensed in English, so you can read it at Mangatoon, but I don’t recommend it. Not only because of the problems I’ve stated above, but also because although it says “Complete,” it’s not really complete. It just ends abruptly after 80 chapters with a bunch of unanswered questions. Unless there’s a season 2 announced, I wouldn’t waste my time. I’m really disappointed.
Welcome back to another rundown! This time it’s the 62nd edition of NHK Kohaku Utagassen, which took place on December 31st 2011. That means I still have 7 more editions to watch to catch up to the current series, not to mention the next one is happening in just over a month! There were a few good performances that stuck with me in the last one I watched so I have high hopes for this one too.
The presenters are Mao Inoue and Arashi (ugh, again). I don’t know the former and I don’t like the latter so I won’t be focusing too much on them. Instead let’s ignore the boring introduction and get right on with the performances! Oh, the Nadesiko Japan football team was trotted out to say a few words. I’d forgotten about them, but they seem to be doing pretty well since.
1. Ayumi Hamasaki “progress” (13) 浜崎あゆみ
What a horrible night to have a curse… which is listening to Ayumi Hamasaki’s live singing to start a concert. Horrible singing, horrible song, boring outfit, pointless, confusing backup dancing. And at one point she even got slightly ahead of the backing track. Absolutely terrible in every way.
Yeah, punch out the lights so I don’t have to watch this.
2. NYC “100% Yuuki NYC” (3) 100%勇気NYC
They haven’t impressed me in their previous appearances. I don’t think that will change, but we’ll see. I’m really hoping the decline of Johnny’s talent agency will lead to more fresh faces on my Kohaku screen next time I watch it. Come to think of it, this is the last Kohaku I watched instead of merely downloading it for future watching. I can see why I stopped watching the program.
I like the colorful outfits, but the cringey dancing and obvious lip-syncing does nothing for me. Not to mention their own song “Yumetamago” was rubbish and Yuuki 100% is a Hikaru Genji cover. Gimme the original then.
3. Angela Aki “One Family” (6) アンジェラ・アキ
She cut her hair >_< Argh, I’m so jealous of people who can cut and grow their hair at will. I’ve long given up on getting anything past shoulder length. As long as its healthy, right?
Angela Aki was 9 months pregnant at the time of the show, and according to Wikipedia she had a boy in February 2012. The song itself is John Lennon-type “imagine all the people living life in peace” type bland pap. The stuff people clap politely to, but if you really asked them to open their borders to all and sundry, Japan would be the first to revolt. That’s reality.
4. flumpool “Akashi” (3) 証
Since the March 2011 Tohoku earthquake disaster occurred that year, expect more weepy, melodramatic footage of stars touring the scene to show how caring and compassionate they are. I’m not just saying that because I am a soulless scumbag – although I am – but because I really don’t see how showing off on these tours or writing encouraging songs helps the people on the ground. Though I wouldn’t know, having never been in their place. And never wanting to be there either.
ANYWAY, the song was used for the NHK high school choral contest and the backing vocals are from a choir from Tokushima prefecture. It actually sounds like he’s interrupting their nice singing, lol. The song is weepy glurge. Doesn’t stick in my head.
Geh. And of course they have to talk about how often they went to the disaster zone to cheer people up with their songs. Well, as long as it works. Those fluttery skirts are coming off, aren’t they? Yup. And were discreetly collected by the lower peons.
This Kohaku Utagassen introduced a feature where they write messages from the public on the bottom of the screen. They’ve done this in the form of verbal announcements by the announcers in the past, and that wasn’t so bad. The red and white messages are distracting and hard to read unless I pause. I hope they’ll reconsider that in future editions. I’m going to ignore them from now on.
Introduction of the guest judges. Ah so. Koshino Junko is fancy. The guy next to her refused to even bow and barely smiled. What’s his name? Wah, Kotoshogiku. I used to watch him on NHK during the sumo tournaments.
Mana Ashida, Fuku Suzuki “Maru Maru Mori Mori!” (New) ディズニーの仲間たち・芦田愛菜・鈴木福・紅白有志／ディズニー・スペシャル・メドレー
I remember seeing this duo on all the Japanese variety shows back when the song first came out. Stupidly catchy stuff, even now I find myself singing “maru maru mori mori” sometimes. So cute. I even clapped a little at the end.
Of course they trotted out some children from Tohoku for the usual forced feels, but we’ll ignore that. In fact I think I’ll stop commenting on that aspect of the show. To be fair, it would be weirder if the prestigious annual show ignored the great disaster altogether, but trotting people out from the area like monkeys at the zoo feels kind of pointless. Nevertheless, it is what it is.
Then there’s a Disney special which is like, okay. TBH, this Mickey is so manic he actually scares me a little. And Arashi? Srsly. No. It’s too soon. This is supposed to be a children’s special. Pointless comments from SMAP… I’m always baffled by how young they looked back then.
So far I haven’t found anything super amazing, but apart from the first two performances, I haven’t heard anything horrible either. Ooh, nice camera angle. I can see the wings and the loitering staff. This performance seemed a bit short.
7. Nishino Kana “Tatoe Donna ni” (2) 西野カナ たとえ どんなに…
I like her dress and the chandelier but the song is meh. Yeah, more and more I’m understanding why I stopped watching Kohaku and following the J-music scene.
8. AAA “CALL” (2)
I made any comments I had to about AAA in their debut performance last year. Unimpressive singing and dancing and music, not helped by the baffling camera angles and frumpy outfits. Next!
9. Miyuki Kawanaka “Nirinsō” (24) 川中美幸 二輪草
This song again. I like it but… y’know? I guess you can think of it as a New Year’s tradition or something. And I didn’t care to see AKB48 again, especially not so soon. Their dance is supposed to show “an age gap” which is why they are dancing with these older guys. TBH I don’t know what they’re trying to say… Actually no, I do know. They’re pandering to AKB48’s fanbase of much older guys, letting them live out a fantasy on stage. CREEEEEEPY. GET OUTTTTTTT.
10. Ken Hirai “Itoshiki Hibi yo” (7) 平井堅 いとしき日々よ
So glad that’s over. I like Ken Hirai’s music but he only knows one way to perform. Sticking his hand up in the air, bringing it down, up, down, up, down. Decent song, but not crazy about it.
Fuji Ayako-samaaaaa <3 She’s so pretty. Hey, isn’t that Tokio? Interesting performance introducing the various festivals of Japan, though the song is unexciting. Also did I mention she’s pretty?
12. Takashi Hosokawa “Nebuta” (35) 細川たかし ねぶた
I thought Hosokawa Takashi had been banned from Kohaku by this point. Hey, hey, AKB48 again? Get out! For some reason, this feels like a very “noisy” song, maybe because there’s so much going on, even more than with Ayako’s segment. Nebuta refers to the Aomori Nebuta Festival IIRC.
13. Nana Mizuki “POP MASTER” (3) 水樹奈々
Meh. Actually I went “meh” before even hearing the song, which wasn’t fair. So I’ll save any other comments till the performance is over… Yeah, meh. At least she’s lip-syncing so she doesn’t sound as screechy as usual. I can’t believe she’s become a fixture of Kohaku Utagassen. She must have a powerful agency backing her.
14. Porno Graffiti “One More Time” (10) ポルノグラフィティ ワンモアタイム
Do you really want… what? The sentence needs an object. Very so-so rock song. I like the lead singer’s outfit but that’s about it.
15. Inawashirokos “I love you & I need you Fukushima” (New) 猪苗代湖ズ I love you & I need you ふくしま
A band that happens to come from Fukushima. Coincidence? I don’t care. Just hope the song is nice. Apparently they held some concerts together with Fukuyama Masaharu, making yet another appearance by live feed. Meh.
…I like the song already. It reminds me of some of the older Rock bands like R.C. Succession. It’s the style that I like more than the song itself, but at least I’m enjoying it more than most of the other songs I’ve heard today. Interesting, it’s not “Fukushima” or “Hukushima” but a sound between F and H. Japanese pronunciation is easier than most, but it does have a few tricks to it.
Aha! When the vocalist started screaming, I remembered him at once. The lead singer of Sambomaster. I still remember the “love and peace!!!” screaming from the end of “Sekai wa Sore o Ai to Yobundaze.” Ouendan 2, good times.
16. Natsuko Godai “Kinmokusei” (18) 伍代夏子 金木犀
An ikebana-themed stage. I like it. And love her kimono. Familiar enka song with the usual tune. I like it though. And a calming song is refreshing after all the noise before.
17. L’Arc-en-Ciel “CHASE” (5)
Their 20th Anniversary that year. I was a huge Laruku fan some years ago, still am on a certain level but not as much. They went on a World Tour in 2012? I wouldn’t mind seeing them live sometime. I’m not familiar with this song, though. Let’s see… I rather like it. I would listen to it a few more times at least. Yeah, I’m biased towards Laruku, bite me. Hyde’s wiggling dance is kinda funny. Like a furry black caterpillar, lol.
Inspired by a particular prefecture/hometown which was just mentioned but I don’t remember. But that’s where the coach of Nadeshiko Japan was from, so he’s happy about it. I’m just happy it’s not Tohoku this time. Not sure how to feel about this performance. It’s so generic “enka song” and even Kaori Mizumori looks and dresses the same as always. Meh.
19. Shinichi Mori “Minato Machi Blues” (44) 森進一 港町ブルース
His 44th consecutive performance. And it’s a song I don’t know, not Ofukuro-san. Ureshii. Heavy foundation, lip gloss, hair dye. They all do it, but it’s so obvious on him. I like this song, Might even listen to it again sometime.
I’ve heard her name several times before, now I get to see the real thing. Hmmm… That chandelier is still up there? Just because I said it was nice? :-p Oya? There was something under the dress? Huh. Well whatever. I’m not impressed by either song. Why is she getting so much play time? It’s boring. The fake teary look got boring with the first song as well. Next.
Rimi Natsukawa (6), Masafumi Akikawa (4) “Asu to Iu Hi ga” 夏川りみ ・ 秋川雅史 あすという日が
Mao Inoue looks a bit breathless from changing so quickly lol. Anyway, this is the end of the first half of the show, so there’s a minute for voting and an interlude and stuff. I got tired of the music after the first 30 seconds. Rimi Natsukawa is like Ken Hirai, only one furitsuke. The background and Natsukawa are drowning Akikawa a bit, but it works so it’s okay. And who doesn’t like cute babies and maudlin stories?
Just wish there wasn’t so much Mao Inoue in it, ‘cos, like, the babies are way cuter. Why do I have to listen to a whole song about Mao Inoue playing with babies?
WHAT. Red team is winning? Oh yeah, they did win this year didn’t they? Meh. It doesn’t mean anything anyway.
21. KARA “KARA 2011 Special Medley” (New) KARA 2011スペシャルメドレ
KARA’s first appearance on Kohaku… Hahaha, Tendo Yoshimi and Akko and Miyuki Kawanaka. I giggled slightly, though perhaps that reveals the ageist bias within me. And within the Japanese. Boring performance like most idol groups. I know that “Mister” song, one of the few Korean songs I can recognize. And what’s the point of a booty-shaking performance when you don’t have a booty to shake?
22. Hideaki Tokunaga “Jidai” (6) 徳永英明 時代
Korokke says he has come up with a new joke where enka singers like Kitajima Saburo sing AKB48 songs. It might be funny, but I won’t look for it.
Hideaki Tokunaga continuing his career of scoring hits from covers of female singers. This one is “Jidai” a cover of Nakajima Miyuki, one of my favorite singers. So naturally I prefer the harsh and ironic tones of the original. Tokunaga has a softer voice, so his version is more soothing and comforting, which works in a way but nahhh. I like the stringy things in the background, btw.
23. Perfume “Laser Beam” (4) レーザービーム
I wonder who designs their costumes. Too screechy, had to reduce the volume. Boring song, boring dance, only the outfits are interesting. And at my age I only feel sympathy for people who have to dance vigorously in high heels…
24. TOKIO “Miageta Ryusei” (18) 見上げた流星
Kokubun seems to be playing the piano for reals, okay? Oh, it’s the alcoholic pedophile member whose name I can’t remember. What’s going on with Tokio these days? I’ll miss them from my Kohaku even though this song is totally forgettable.
25. Girls’ Generation “GENIE” (New) 少女時代
If they were going to perform, they should have sung “Gee” instead. I like that one. And hate it at the same time. It’s the second K-pop song I know. Dunno which of the girls did the introduction, but her Japanese is really good. So this was when the Hallyu wave hit Japan. Ordinary song, but better than KARA’s.
26. Hiromi Go “Go Smile Japan” (24) 郷ひろみ
Eh. I guess I like the message of “You don’t have to work that hard.” This old man. He’s really energetic for a 51-year old guy. I’ll have to up my game so I can hop around when I’m that age too. Nice dentures too. 2 oku 4 sen man is one his classics. I like it actually. Yay!
27. aiko “Koi no Superball” (10) 恋のスーパーボール
Aiko keeps showing up, but I just can’t get into her songs. Will this be the one that does it for me? … … It’s okay but not blowing me away. That’s the best I can get from her.
28. Yuzu “Hey Wa” (4) ゆず Hey和
The comments from the guest judges aren’t really needed IMO, but this was a bit amusing.
This is the most boring Kohaku Utagassen I’ve ever watched. Enough talking, start singing. Buying time for the staff to set up eh? This had better be worth it… but it wasn’t. So-so song.
29. Koda Kumi “Ai wo Tomenaide” (7) 倖田來未 愛を止めないで
Bad song, doesn’t work with her voice, and the dress is unimaginative. And it’s the same motions for all her songs. Next please.
30. Tohoshinki “Why? (Keep Your Head Down)” (3) 東方神起
Otherwise you’ll get shot? :-p That’s why they’re hopping around all over the stage? What is this I don’t even… Actually I liked the seizure-dancing better than the song. Next! Phew, it finally ended.
And now for a brief interlude of Arashi torture with a piano rescued from the ruins of the Tohoku earthquake. Blahhhh.
J-dramas are so crappy. The acting is so horrible. The skits are pathetic too. Wow, I really hate this show. Why am I still watching? I just wanted some musical performances, not J-drama promotion.
The song is blah, and every shot is people crying and crying. Horrible. Next next next next next!!!
32. Masao Sen “Kitaguni no Haru” (16) 千昌夫 北国の春
I don’t know Masao Sen, so I guess I learned something new. You can read more about him here. I want this show to be over already. Kitaguni no Haru is supposed to be his signature tune, let’s see if I’ll get something download-worthy this time. Hmm, I think I’ve heard it before.
I’ve had enough of this sucky show. Gonna take a break first and come back later. Messages of encouragement from people all over the world. BOOOOOORIIIIIIING. Ohay, it’s Jackie Chan. Fast forward to the next performance.
Or not… Actually I took a whole week off from watching this show because it was so boring. I watched Zeta Gundam instead, which I will totally post about one of these days. It started slow but got better once Kamille stopped being such a… jerk. Yes, jerk is the most polite thing I can call him. And I liked seeing Amuro again.
33. Sachiko Kobayashi “Onna no Sakaba” (33) 小林幸子 おんなの酒場
That outfit must have cost thousands and taken months to construct. The song itself is just a normal enka song. Whoa! I took my eyes off her for a second and this giant dragon swallowed her! Last boss-sama! Whoooaa. This is pretty cool! But again, the song is just normal. It would have been fun to watch live, though.
34. Toshiyuki Nishida “Ano Machi ni Umarete” (4) 西田敏行 あの街に生まれて
He is from Tokushima. Hence the song meaning “I was born in that city.” They’re showing a local program that goes on several times a day, means to cheer the people up. Bread and circuses.
Wow, I like his voice. It’s soothing. Wow, I really like this song, 75% becauase of the voice and 25% because it’s very soothing and pleasant to my stressed ears. Rewind and listen again before moving on…
35. Ayaka “Minna Sora no Shita” (5) 絢香 みんな空の下
Boring song. I’m not going to waste a lot of words on dull performances from now on.
36. Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi “Hitotsu” (3) 長渕剛 ひとつ
Ooh, I like Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi. He’s so “trying hard to look cool” all the time, lol. But I’m not familiar with this song. …and I’ll hear it eventually, once he’s done talking for 10 years… It’s so-so. It’s cheap of the camera to go round the crowds looking for people crying, like, a little privacy please? Another boring, overwrought performance, TBH.
37. Akiko Wada “Ano Kane wo Narasu no wa Anata” (35) 和田アキ子 あの鐘を鳴らすのはあなた
One of her famous songs. Oh, I like her dress. And the chandelier keeps getting bigger and fancier. It will take over Japan at this rate. Man, I really like her dress. I like this song, but I have it on mp3 so I’ve heard it tons of times before. I enjoyed the passionate performance, though. And I like her raspier voice these days.
38. Arashi “2011 Kohaku Special Medley” (3) 嵐 2011紅白スペシャルメドレー
Tch. Arashi. I hear they’re calling it quits after 2020. Unlike SMAP I will not miss them.
What a hideous dress. It was made from public suggestions, and it shows. Don’t take the public so seriously. Well well, the song without much ado. Hmm… It’s okay. Though the girl just walking in a grim cityscape is kind of depressing TBH. I need to find more synonyms apart from “okay” and “so-so.” Average. Unforgettable. Meh. Looked up and the girl was walking with animals. Ah so.
40. Hiroshi Itsuki “Furusato” (41) 五木ひろし ふるさと
Hai, enough talking. Gimme Itsuki, I like him. Maybe they’re killing time while he’s setting up? Phew, at last. Itsuki Hiroshi, singing this song at Kohaku for the first time in 38 years. Ooh, I like the colorful background, and it’s not as pixelly as it was two years ago. Still a bit blurry though. Where did my favorite chandelier go? I like the song. Maybe it’s because it’s so old, it feels really nostalgic.
41. Seiko Matsuda (16), Sayaka Kanda (New) “Ue wo Muite Arukou” 松田聖子 / 神田沙也加 上を向いて歩こう
Seiko trying to give a boost to her daughter’s career. Doesn’t seem to have worked, since I haven’t heard of Sayaka Kanda becoming a major star by 2019. Let’s see… according to wikipedia she was able to land the dub voice of Anna in Frozen… and that’s it for major achievements. But enough jealousy and trash-talking, how’s the song?
Well it’s Kyu Sakamoto’s classic so I know it already. I think this rendition is too drawn out for a song that is supposed to be upbeat and peppy and sung with conviction. This is more like someone who is trying to talk themselves into feeling good but failing. Too realistic, lol.
BTW I need the number of Seiko-san’s plastic surgeon. Call me, doc, I need you! ^_~
42. Kiyoshi Hikawa “Jounetsu no Mariachi” (12) 氷川きよし 情熱のマリアッチ
This time his theme is Mexico? Omoshiroi. Wahhh, dat outfit. I LOVE IT. I think? The song is boring and the backup dancers are stiff and fake. Kiyoshi, I am disappoint.
I like this song a lot too. Used to have the mp3 but must have lost it. And no distracting background singers. Lovely performance, really like it Bueno.
44. Masaharu Fukuyama “Kazoku ni Narou yo” (4) 福山雅治 家族になろうよ
Whoa, what a crowd. Even with the blacked out sections, that’s a huge crowd. So is this guy ever going to show up on the Kohaku stage or will he always be singing via live feed? Welp, he has a few songs I like but I’m not that crazy about him. I take the songs on a case by case basis. And this one is… Unmemorable. Unimpressive. His singing voice isn’t anything special either. Next.
Yumin! I like some of her songs, and “Haru yo, Koi” is pretty much her signature tune. Oh I see, everyone’s going to sing together. Her hair style makes her look old and doddering, because it’s too ‘young’. Don’t do this hairstyle again. Ooh, I love Fuji Ayako’s pink dress. I’m singing along since everyone’s supposed to sing too.
46. Exile “Rising Sun” (7)
Exile-san-tachi, you guys are looking a bit… up there in years. But fit, man. I can’t dance like that. Of course, the two guys who just sing and never dance are the two main leaders. Actually I enjoy watching Exile-ojisan-tachi perform even though their music is boring, because the dances are so over the top. I hope they don’t disband. Where else would I get jumping ojisan-tachi to watch? Man, if I danced like this, I would be so… dead. But fit. *clap clap clap* I can’t do it so I applaud.
47. Yoshimi Tendō “Ai Sansan” (16) 天童よしみ 愛燦燦
Phew, the hideous pink dress is gone. Why is Mao so breathless? I love “Ai Sansan” though the original performance is best. Tendo Yoshimi doesn’t have a voice powerful or unique enough to pull this one off. She sounds like me at karaoke. Come to think of it, I liked the “duet” with Ogura Kei from a couple of years ago.
48. Saburō Kitajima “Kaerokana” (48) 北島三郎 帰ろかな
Un, kaerou. I like this song, but this whole show has been pathetic apart from a few highlights. But as I said, I like this song, and I’m enjoying this performance. The dramatic choir makes it seem like a song from a movie, haha. Just that the lighting makes Sabu-chan look pale and washed out, so they need to fix that. Great performance. Have I ever mentioned that Sabu-chan looks like my cousin?
Enough with the self-patting on the back. It’s all fake anyway. One of Ishikawa Sayuri’s staple songs, the other one being Amagigoe. I like the song so this is a good way to close the show for me. I wonder how she does that “aaaa-a” sound.
50. SMAP “SMAP AID Kohaku SP” (19)
Kyaa, SMAP-SAMAAAA. NOT! My opinion of them hasn’t really changed, but now that the band has broken up (until the inevitable reunion concert) I’m actually feeling nostalgic watching them. So affected, ojisan-tachi. No more Nakai-san’s vocals. Such bad singing. Much wow.
I thought for sure they would sing “Sekai ni Hitotsu no Hana” after this. I don’t know this “Original Smile” song but whatever. They should try to hide the syncing a little better.
Finally over. IIRC the Red team won that year. Yup, they won by over 10,000 votes. Dunno why. I bet it was a pity vote because they’d lost for so many years in a row.
Overview
Largely a boring program with many mediocre and forgettable performances. It’s no wonder ratings for the show are declining. And no wonder I stopped watching. But I still found a few likeable gems here and there (esp. Nishida Toshiyuki), and as always I was impressed by the production values and the smoothness of the flow. So I’ll probably watch the next edition, but no telling when. Until then, it’s back to learning Korean for me.
