Category: Reviews

Howl’s Moving Castle anime review

Howl’s Moving Castle was not quite as nonsensical as Tales from Earthsea, but it was just as boring. No, even more so.

What’s so good about Howl except his good looks?

And why did the movie have to drag on so long? It just meanders aimlessly from one event to another, then the climax scene where Sophie goes back into the past comes out of nowhere, then bam, happy ending.

Long. Boring. Annoying. Massive waste of time. Full of pointless characters and events. Seems it was based on a book, so Miyazaki felt the need to force things in where they didn’t belong, e.g. Sophie’s sister Lettie, Sophie’s mom barging her way in to see them and crap like that which could have been done away with for tighter storytelling.

The moral of the story: every problem can be solved by a kiss from a cute girl. Also girls don’t want to be hatters, they want to be housewives. And old ladies are useless, which is why even when a girl is under a spell that turns her old, when it’s time to do anything worthwhile, she’ll magically transform back into a younger stronger form without any explanation.

The war parts really don’t make any sense. And seriously, how does Howl and Sophie falling in love prompt Madame Sullivan to call off the war? Why were they fighting in the first place? What’s Howl doing up there all the time anyway? It feels like Miyazaki shoe-horned some anti-war propaganda into a story that originally had nothing to do with war, but I wouldn’t know without reading the original. Anyway, love conquers all, including stuff it has nothing to do with. Medetashi medetashi.

Calcifer was cute though.

Tales from Earthsea anime review

I’d heard Tales From Earthsea was bad, but I had no idea it was terribly boring as well.

They tried to shovel too much of the Earthsea mythos into one movie and ended up with a junky senseless patchwork. It’s been a while since I read the originals anyway, so I tried to watch it from the point of view of a complete newcomer to the series. Even then it didn’t make much sense.

Was there any real reason for Therru to be a dragon? And they go on and on about Arren’s fear (of death?) driving him crazy, but why should a 17-year old be that scared of dying? What’s gone on in his life so far that made him that way? And why steal the sword? Why kill his father in the process? And the Shadow, it arose from his fear? That’s not how it works in Earthsea! Whoops, newcomer perspective shot to pieces.

And Tenar just played a decorative role throughout. It would have been just as well if she hadn’t been there. Same with Therru, come to think of it. Heck, same with Ged/Sparrowhawk. None of them were needed in this movie, which is just about one boy learning to face his fears. You could have set it in any other world and given him some random old mentor and things would have worked out exactly the same way, or better. No wonder Ursula Le Guin commented, “It’s your movie, it’s not my book.”

The pacing was kinda odd too. Things never got really heated or exciting. There was always a dampener somewhere. Ooh, he’s getting attacked by wolves…wait no, they were run off easily. Ooh, he got kidnapped…wait no, Ged rescued him easily. Ooh, a showdown between Ged and a mind-controlled Arren…wait no, that was over in 5 seconds, followed by a sermon. Then the showdown on the rooftop stretched on so long and in so many fits and starts that it never got good. In the end, Dragonus Ex Machina, bad wizard gets fried, everyone lives happily ever after.

We don’t even get to see Arren go back and pay for his crimes like he said he would. Sure he says he’ll go, but the next time we see him he’s working on the farm like always and giggling like a schoolgirl at Ged’s stories. Uhh, are you the same prince who just murdered his dad and fled the country or was that someone else? It’s kind of ironic that a movie about the importance of life and living it ends with an unrepentant murderer laughing his ass off like there’s no tomorrow.

Last question: Therru is a dragon. What’s that got to do with the dragons that were fighting at the beginning of the series? And what about Tenar’s story about Therru’s parents burning and abandoning her, was that a lie? If yes, why? If no, huh? Why would her dragon-parents burn and leave her?

tl;dr: Tales from Earthsea is a massive mess. The art is as gorgeous as ever and I liked the soundtrack, but everything else about it was severely below average. If it hadn’t been from Studio Ghibli, something like this would never have been released in theaters.

Now for Howl’s Moving Castle.

The Cat Returns anime review

I watched Princess Mononoke (good, but seriously violent), Pom Poko (bleh) and My Neighbors the Yamadas (okay, but dull) and skipped over Spirited Away because I’d already seen it. I didn’t feel like writing reviews about them, though. Sorry.

Happily enough The Cat Returns was great! Fun, and mercifully short. Very much like a fairy tale, and the cheesy “believe in yourself” message was there from the start so it didn’t come out of nowhere. Nice simple story, funny characters, especially Muta and the King and that smarmy servant, great animation as always, decent voice acting that got the job done, everything ends very happily ever after.

It is by far the “kiddiest” of the Ghibli movies I’ve seen so far, including My Neighbor Totoro, but I love it! I was a little worried about that Machida-sempai romantic stuff in the beginning, but happily enough it came to nothing. I like romance to be at a minimum in my Ghibli series.

Ah, that was fun. Now since I’ve already watched Ponyo, I only have Earthsea, Howl’s Moving Castle and The Borrower Arriety to go. Arriety hasn’t come out on DVD in English yet, I think, so it’s just Earthsea and Howl. The Earthsea books were some of my favorite fantasy books growing up and I hear they made a mess out of that, so first I’ll get the bad stuff out of the way, and then I’ll be able to enjoy Howl as my “final taste” of Studio Ghibli. Good plan.

Update: since I wrote this review, I’ve shown this anime to several of my young nephews and nieces and their friends, at least 20 young children aged between 5 and 15, and they all love it. It’s their most-watched anime movie over all the other Ghibli stuff. Not to say that The Cat Returns is necessarily better than other Ghibli movies (though I liked it more, to be honest), but it’s certainly the most kid-friendly. It has funny animals, wacky hijinks aplently, constant action, a clear point and a happy ending. It’s easy to follow and easy to enjoy. If you’re looking to buy something for yourself, you might go with one of the other shows, but if you’re looking for something children will enjoy, definitely get The Cat Returns first.

Porco Rosso anime review

The only Ghibli movie so far that I haven’t watched until the end. It was going so well until they introduced Fio. Beautiful visuals as always, a unique protagonist, a bittersweet setting and moderate amounts of action.

I was all set to love Porco Rosso, then they had to introduce a nosy, fast-talking, high-pitched squealing girl in the form of Fio. She just wouldn’t shut up. Instead of letting us enjoy the movie ourselves, she kept butting in where she wasn’t welcome and providing unnecessary commentary where they should just have let the viewers make up their own minds. We can see the place is beautiful, thank you very much. We know Porco isn’t a bad guy, thank you very much. Ugh, who let the kid into an adult’s show?

Anyway, I quit at around the 1:15 mark and watched the last few minutes to find out what happened to everyone. What a waste of potential. Next Ghibli movie I have to watch? Pom Poko.

Only Yesterday (Omoide Poro poro) anime review

Shnzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *snrk* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Hmm, huh, what? It’s over? THANK GOODNESS. Summary of the movie: Taeko, a city girl who likes the countryside, works on a farm and reflects back to when she was 10. More boring than it sounds. Work on farm, drive around, remember childhood, hang out with country boy, roll credits, the end.

Only Yesterday (Omohide poro poro) is by far the most boring thing I’ve watched all year. The parts about her childhood were interesting and funny in places, but her adult life is overt pro-farming anti-city propaganda. I have to wonder if Isao Takahata and Studio Ghibli didn’t get a cut from the Japanese Farmer’s Association, since the moral of the story was clearly “If you’re old and can’t find a husband, go to a farming village and some country boy will take you for a wife.” [this is apparently true, btw. Farming villages in Japan suffer from a dire shortage of eligible bachelorettes, especially ones who will put up with all the meddling, lack of privacy and backbreaking work that comes with living in a farming community]

Anyway, it seems like Taeko only idolizes farm life because she grew up in the city. What’s more, it seems she just enjoys it as an occasional break from city-life, and not for its own sake. None of the frequent flashbacks to her childhood show her particularly yearning to live in the countryside, just to visit it from time to time.

Which means once the first glow of excitement wears off and everyone stops treating her like she’s oh-so-special, I won’t be surprised if she falls out of love with farming and wants to go home again. Especially once she wakes up and finds out she’s married to a man she barely knows. The little episode where she was planting rice plus the scene where she makes city-food (cake!) near the end seem to hint at the fact that she isn’t cut out for this kind of life in the long-term. She’s been shown to want what she can’t have (her sister’s bag, the restaurant trip, holidays in the countryside) and to change her mind frequently, and she says she’s grown up but has she really?

Well, that’s her problem, I’ve got myself to worry about. Other people’s lives are boring, which is why fiction and fantasy come in handy so often. I’d like Studio Ghibli to remember that in future. Next up, Porco Rosso. Haven’t heard much about that one, but hopefully it should be interesting. Can’t be worse than this, anyway.