As promised, chapter 2 of Tsuujou Kougeki ga Zentai Kougeki de Nikai Kougeki no Okasan wa Suki desu ka? as translated by me. Refer to chapter 1 for a summary of the series and why I’m doing this. For the record I’m only doing the chapters freely provided by Fantasia Books themselves. I’d rather not dip my toes into piracy any further than that. Please don’t repost this anywhere else. If you find any typos or errors, please leave me a comment, thanks.
Chapter 2
It’s just coincidence that they’re all girls. Don’t get the wrong idea. And stop smirking at me.
They had cleared the tutorial. Now at last it was time to start the adventure.
Leaving the Palace of Transportation behind, Masato and Mamako crossed over the sea of floating islands until they arrived at the last island, a small island that was the departure point.
They stepped on the magic circle on the ground and waited to be transported.
“This is where we set off from, right?”
“That’s right. That’s what it says in the guidebook. Hmm, it also says it takes a bit of time for them to make sure it’s safe, so we can read up on the basics while we wait. I’m supposed to read it together with you. Here, look.”
Nudge, nudge.
“Okay, okay. And you’re too close. Don’t stand so close to me.”
He pushed Mamako’s nudging shoulder away and ran his eyes over the information in the guidebook.
Masato and Mamako had been transported into the online game “MMMMMORPG (temporary).”
The main server of the game was under the control of the Cabinet Office with connected local servers managed by the local governments in all 47 prefectures of Japan. The ultimate intention was to create diverse and extensive world, but at present only the Tokyo server was being used to collect test play data through a beta version.
“Whoa, that’s way too many servers. This is gonna be huge!”
“Servers…? Makki, are they talking about wait staff at a restaurant? I don’t see any diners around here.”
“Nah, a server is what a game runs on, not a waiter.”
“Oh, really? I’m pretty sure waiters are called servers too, though. I see, so they play games too, huh?”
“You don’t get it at all, it’s… Never mind, it’s too much trouble to explain.”
Getting the concepts down was more important. He continued to read the guidebook.
The Tokyo server currently running featured a standard fantasy world with a landscaped modeled after Europe. It was mainly based on the Mediterranean coastal region, where many buildings and streets from the Middle Ages still remained. The rate of time passage in the game world was the same as for the real world. Since they were transported here in the afternoon, that meant…
“Oh, it’s starting.”
The magic circle under their feet suddenly glowed with a fierce light. When the light faded away, they saw a city with stone paving and white walls spread out before them, basking in the light of the afternoon sun as a pleasant sea breeze blew by.
Mamako’s reaction: “Oh my! It feels like we’re abroad!”
“Abroad? Oh yeah, I guess you don’t know anything about fantasy games or other worlds so of course you’d be surprised. Well whatever, let’s keep moving.”
The name of the first world, which was also the starting point, was the Karsan Kingdom. Pressing on from the magic circle transfer point, they passed under an imposing gate and found themselves in the Kingdom’s capital of the Karsan Kingdom, a broad, sprawling castle town with a white castle in the middle.
It was a peaceful, charming place with buildings of white mud walls with tiled roofs. Even the sound of horse-drawn carriages rattling boldly through the streets was oddly relaxing. If you settled down here, you might get so comfortable you wouldn’t bother going adventuring any more. And that city spread around as far as the eye could see…
“Ooh! I see lots of shops down that street! Let’s go see!” *dash*
“No, first we have to walk around and get familiar with the town and then… aaand she’s gone! And with such speed! Is she… no, are all women that fast in this game?!”
Mamako learned a new skill: ‘Window Shopping Soul’ – Allows you to visit several shops at top speed.
Just kidding. There’s no such skill, of course.
On the very next street was a bustling area full of noise, activity and argument. The stall keepers lining the street called out loudly to attract customers.
“Hey there, young lady! That’s a funny outfit you’ve got there. You from out of town? Come check out my stuff. You’re such a cutie I’ll give you a huge discount!”
“Oh my, he called me a young lady! My son’s a teenager, you know!”
“You don’t have to tell him all that. … Sheesh. Uh, hi.”
“…Huh? That’s your son? You’re married with kids?”
“That’s right. But we’re buddies right now. He let me join his party. Isn’t that great?”
“A mother and son party? …Umm?”
“You didn’t have to tell him that either! See, now you froze his AI! Keep walking!”
“Yes, sir!”
By way of apology Masato shouldered their luggage and walked forward, pushing Mamako along as she stopped to greet every calling shopkeeper along the way. They looked for all the world like a mother and her son touring an open air market in another country, but it was clear that this wasn’t the sort of place you visited on an ordinary trip.
“We’re in a fantasy RPG…”
There were stores selling swords and spears and shield and armor. People decked out in weapons and armor walking around like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. There was even a young girl who looked like a wizard running past wearing a short robe with fluttering sleeves.
(This is a real fantasy… wow… I’m really inside a game…)
It had taken a while but the full impact of the situation finally hit him and he couldn’t help grinning.
Mamako cast a sidelong glance at him.
“Makki! Stop leering at that girl’s bottom! You look like a pervert.”
“Wrong-o! That’s not what I’m so happy about!”
“Tee hee. I was just teasing. Don’t worry, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re my son, after all. I can read your mind.”
“Can you now? So what was I just thinking?”
“You’re… really, really happy to be walking around with your mom!”
Heh heh, take that! Is the confident air Mamako gave off as she gave her diagnosis.
Masato couldn’t help but snicker. She didn’t have a clue. Like hell he’d be thinking that.
“You’re so off it’s not even funny. No way I’d be so happy about a walk with you. You don’t understand a teenage boy’s feelings at all. Too bad, Mom, you fail as a mother.”
“Sniff… that’s the second most painful thing I’ve ever heard in my life…” Sniff, sniff.
“Stop! Please! Don’t start! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that! I’m sorry, okay?”
He was bowing before her before he knew it. From his lowly apologetic state he ventured a tiny peek at his revered mother’s countenance.
She was grinning cheerfully. That’s right, there was a huge, deliberate grin on that too-young face.
“Tee hee, looks like it worked. I think I’ll use those words as Mommy’s Magic Medicine from now on.”
“A mental attack that only works on son heroes… how fiendish…”
Looks like it will take some time for Masato to fully recover from the effects of this latest blunder. In the meantime…
“What now? We’ve walked around for a bit. Where are we supposed to go now?”
“Heh heh. Leave it to Mommy. I’ll lead the way.”
“Lead the way? You’ve never played an RPG in your life!”
“Sure, but we’ll be fine. Because I’ve got this!”
She pulled out the guidebook with a flourish. Ah, I see. We’ll be fine as long as we have this, right?
“We need to make preparations for our adventure. Which means, first we have to…”
“Get a party together. Right, Mom?”
“Correct. It says here in the book that we should first get some companions. So… ah, here we are. This is the spot.”
Mamako led the way proudly to a large building on a corner of the business district. It looked like an ordinary terraced cafe at first sight, but he could tell from the hard faces and the weapons and armor of the customers going in and out that it wasn’t the place for a leisurely cup of tea. The adventurers on the terrace gave them the once over with merciless eyes, and there was a clearly aggressive mood in the air.
The word on the signboard over the building said “Adventurers’ Guild.” That said it all.
“No babysitting or hand holding, eh? Heh, bring it on!”
“Oh my! You always say nothing but “Okay” and “Yeah,” now look at you trying to act all cool. I’ve learned something new about my son today.”
“Sh-shut up! Don’t start rating everything I say. I won’t be able to talk any more.”
“Tee hee, sorry Makki. Now could you hand me one of my swords?”
“Huh? Uh, sure, but…”
He had no idea what she was up to, but… He fumbled around in the leather bag and handed over Altura, the Holy Sword of the Great Ocean.
“Yah!”
She swung her sword at the guild building.
Mamako attacked!
“…Eh?”
With the flash of the dark blue sword, water flowed out…
“Hey…”
…and turned into droplets…
“Waitaminnit–”
…which shot out like bullets.
Bam bam bam bam! The high-speed water barrage slammed into the guild. With a loud groaning and crumbling sound, the bullet-riddled walls and pillars came tumbling down. It took a few seconds after the attack for the sound of adventurers screaming to become audible.
…And a little longer after that for the stunned Masato to regain his senses.
“Uh, Mom? What the heck was that?”
“The guidebook says you have to come on strong at first so everyone takes you seriously.”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s not what they meant… Oh man, we’re in for it now…”
The front of the guild building was half destroyed. But the bigger issue was the safety of the adventurers on the terrace. If anyone was hurt by Mamako’s attack…
(Won’t we be penalized for PKing or at least trying to?)
PK – Player Kill. Killing other players. Players who did that were always punished appropriately. You could never get off with just an apology.
There was movement within the building as Masato stood there ashen-faced. Someone came out from the ruins of the broken door and headed towards them. It was a woman. She was dressed like an office worker with long black hair and a composed expression…
…and blood slowly dripping down her forehead.
“Welcome to the Adventurers’ Guild, travelers. I am the receptionist SHIRASE. Please come this way if you are looking for companions on your adventure.”
With blood still dripping down her forehead, this person who called herself SHIRASE politely and leisurely beckoned them to the half-destroyed counter, where she sat down.
“Aren’t you Ms. Shira…”
“I am quite certain I introduced myself as the receptionist SHIRASE. If you have a problem, I have several things I could select and bring over that no son would ever want his mother to see. What do you say?”
Eep!
“I-I’ve never seen you before, Ms. SHIRASE the receptionist! It-it’s so nice to meet you! Hello!”
The woman behind the broken receptionist counter was SHIRASE. She looked exactly like Ms. Shirase… actually she was Ms. Shirase, but she’s really SHIRASE and not Ms. Shirase, got it?
“Pleased to meet you. Welcome to the Adventurers’ Guild.”
Uh-oh.
“Thanks for having us. Umm, are you all right? You’ve been bleeding for the past little while.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a little act I put on. Besides, I’m just an object, not a PC or an NPC, so there’s no PK penalty for hitting me. And the fact that you were able to destroy the building is just a bug so don’t worry about that either.”
“Oh, I see. Phew… Lucky break, eh Mom?”
“Huh? Y…yes? Umm, it means that when you fight an object the NEC PC wins in a PK battle, right?”
“Uh, yeah. Let’s leave it at that. Well done.”
An object was just an object, not a character. A PC was a player character, an NPC was a non-player character. These were all terms Mamako would have to learn by herself later on.
“Let me introduce you the adventurers we have registered here at the guild. Please take a look.”
SHIRASE held out some documents to them. It was a sheaf of thick parchment paper. There were at least 100 pages.
“W-why do you have so many?”
“This is only a tenth of the total. There’s no limit to the number of people you have have in a party so the character department went crazy making as many characters as possible to give you plenty of choice. We’re planning to add even more in future.”
“Whoa, seriously? And these are all NPCs?”
“There are some test players too. But they’re very few so they’re relatively rare.”
“This feels like pulling for a rare character in an online game.”
“The first floor of the building is currently under repair. Please use a private room on the second floor to go through the profiles. I’ll bring you some more later so feel free to take your time.”
The second floor had been spared the carnage that had befallen the first floor. They made their way to a private room further inside. Masato threw the documents onto a table with a thump and took a seat across from Mamako.
To calm the pleasant nervousness he felt, he took a deep breath of the cool breeze flowing in through the window and then set to work.
“Here’s where I come in. I’m the MMORPG expert so I’ll do the party member selection. That okay with you, Mom?”
“Of course. I can’t wait to see who you pick, Makki. I hope they’re all really nice girls.”
“G-Girls? What makes you think I’m gonna pick girls?”
“You are, aren’t you? After all, you want people you can live and travel and grow together with, right? It’s pretty much the same as picking a girlfriend or a wife.”
“Urk… You’re… not exactly wrong, but… I’m just picking party members. Just party members, okay? Right.”
There’s no doubt his tastes would come into play when sorting by looks and body type, though. Anyway. Back to the documents. Each profile contained the adventurer’s name, class, all stats and a realistically-drawn portrait.
“The most important thing is the battle formation. We’re both physical attackers, so first we need a tank and a healer. A magic attacker and a support character would be nice too. Hmm, but there are crafting classes too. Would be nice to have at least one member who can make items. That makes a party of seven to start with…”
Masato went through the papers, picking out promising prospects based on his criteria and their looks and body types, with a little bit of his personal tastes sprinkled in.
“Oh, this looks good.”
Candidate number one. “Lushella.” 16 years old. Heavy Calvary. A tanking class for taking on enemy attacks. They possessed a skill that allowed them to add part of the damage received to their attack power, meaning they could be useful attackers if the situation called for it.
She was also pretty cute. A slim body encased in steel armor, slender fingers on a sturdy shield, a firm will hidden behind a gallant expression… she looked rather stern, but she also looked like someone with a hidden cute side underneath that tough shell. That promised gap between her looks and the true self was highly enticing.
“Next is… ooh, I found an elf!”
Candidate number two. “Sarite.” 19 years old (in human years). Priest. An expert in healing magic. Also good at purifying undead enemies.
She was dressed in a bright green robe with her fingers gently caressing a pendant with a holy tree motif, looking for all the world like an elegant young lady. A beautiful elf who smiled out of the portrait with a warm, gentle smile.
“Nice. We’re off to a good start. Next… Ooh, she looks like a lively one!”
Candidate number three. “Torino.” 14 years old. Thief. Has skills that grant preemptive attacks or raise the party’s speed. Also has the Unlock skill.
She was clad in a tank top and hot pants, an outfit that was light, easy to move in and above all, revealing. So revealing, in fact, that if she moved the wrong way, you might be able to see something… interesting. Masato wasn’t quite sure where to look.
“Just a little glance will do. Love the skin color, by the way. Well, this should do for starters.”
He put the three profiles side by side and checked them again. A tank, a healer and a supporter. All the essential members needed for combat.
“Right, it’s settled. Let’s go with these. Look them over, Mom.”
“Oh my, what cute little girls. Which one’s your type, Makki?”
“That’s not what I meant by looking them over! And they just happened to be all girls. It’s coincidence, okay?”
“Heh heh. All right, I’ll pretend to buy that.”
With that deliberately understanding act, Mamako clapped her hands together briefly.
“Time for the Mommy Interview, then.”
“The… what?”
Mommy Interview? That’s what she’d said, but…
“I said the Mommy Interview. One of these girls might become your girlfriend. It’s only proper for me to greet them properly. Naturally I want to know what they’re like.”
“Hold it right there! These aren’t potential girlfriends! I chose them as party members!”
“So you’re saying people never ever fall in love with their party members?”
“Uhh… that’s, uh…”
Not completely impossible, and he couldn’t deny that little sliver of hope within him but there was no way he was going to admit that.
“A-anyway! That’s not the problem here! There’s no rule that says party members need my mom’s approval to join anyway, so…”
“Actually that sounds quite interesting, so we have just added a Mommy Check system to the game.”
“WHAAA?!”
SHIRASE appeared, holding additional profiles and cards with Yes and No written on them.
The Mommy Interview system had suddenly been implemented. The furniture in the room was rearranged to make the interview possible. Mamako the interviewer and Masato the onlooker were on one side, there was a table before them and then a chair for the interviewee. Time to get started.
“This is a Mommy Interview so I’ll be asking the questions. Leave it all to me.”
“Oh, fine. Do your worst, Mom. …First person, please.”
Candidate number one, the heavy knight Lushella, entered at his prompting, her voice and expression both stiff and tense.
“Thank you for inviting me.”
“Thanks for coming, young lady. Let’s get right to it. What are your hobbies?”
“Overkilling enemies, ma’am! I like to let enemies attack as much as they want and then return the pain they’ve caused me with interest!”
“What a mentally twisted hobby. What kind of places do you often go to?”
“I like fields where lone enemies weaker than me often spawn, ma’am.”
“In other words you admit to being a bully. Lastly, tell me about your life plans. What would you like to do in future?”
“My chief aim is to learn a skill that reflects so much damage at an enemy that they wipe themselves out, ma’am!”
“What a savage girl. Thank you for your time. My verdict is…”
With an unchanging smile, Mamako…
Raised up the “No” card. Bzzzzt. Fail.
“I’m sorry but I have serious issues with her personality.”
“But everything she said is normal for a tank character!”
Maybe so, but she still failed the Mommy Interview. Too bad. Next person.
Candidate number two: Sarite the beautiful elf priestess with the soothing smile.
“Thank you for coming. Why don’t you tell me about your hobbies, Miss Sarite? How do you normally spend your time?”
“I humbly pray to the gods about three hundred times a day.”
“Let’s see… if you sleep 6 hours a day then you’d have to pray more than once every four minutes to make those numbers. And what kind of places do you frequent?”
“I visit about 20 churches a day in different forests, where I offer my humble prayers.”
“So basically you’re in one church or another 24 hours a day. And what are your plans for the future?”
“I pray that I, together with all people, will someday be ushered into the presence of the great gods.”
“You don’t have a life outside prayer, do you? You’re diligent, I’ll give you that much.”
With a polite, insincere smile, Mamako handed down her verdict.
No. Bzzzzt. Fail.
“W-wait, Mom! How can you fail her?! She’s an elf AND a priestess!”
“That’s the problem. I’m all for freedom of religion, but I don’t know about letting her join. She looks like she’d always be inviting us to strange places, you know? And it’s hard for me to turn down invitations, so… you know?”
“Urghh… Yeah, I kinda get it but…”
The elf would be a little hard for non-religious people to deal with. Too bad. Next!
Candidate number three, the lively thief Torino, blessed with a bouncy personality and an even bouncier body.
” Hiya! ‘Sup!”
“Do you have any hobbies…”
“Duh, stealing! I go like smackeroo and then swipe! Gotcha! Suh-weet!”
“Where do you go often…”
“The Stolen Goods sale center, duh! It’s a total rip off but they’ll totally buy, like, anything!”
“Plans for the future…”
“I’m, like, totally gonna steal all the treasure from the castle someday! Ooh, that would be the coolest! ”
“I see – Thanks – You fail.”
Mamako made up her mind in a flash and held up the No card.
“Let’s go. I’m turning you in to the police.” Grab.
“Eeeeep! Like, she’s totally got my arm! And she stronger than a gorilla, like, seriously?!”
Looks like Mamako was serious about turning Torino in to the cops. Her refusal to overlook evil gave her extra strength.
“Mom, wait! Calm down! Thieves are okay! Sure they steal stuff, but this is a game! It’s just a normal job, okay? This is a game!”
“Just because it’s a game doesn’t mean you can do any bad thing you want. I won’t let anyone get away with such behavior!”
“That’s great, Mom, but that’s not what’s going on here! Listen to me for a change!”
It took 30 minutes to finally convince Mamako .
And that was the end of that.
“Urgh, I can’t believe you failed everyone.”
“You should pick people with more sensible jobs. Like, umm, oh I know! Like a police officer or someone in the Self-Defense Force. How about having someone like that along?”
“This is a fantasy RPG. There are no such jobs! Get it through your head already, this is a game! Sheesh! Fine, I’ll just choose some other characters, gimme a sec!”
Given Mamako’s strict standards, chances were high that they would end up adding absolutely no one to the party, but nevertheless Masato pored over the applications with renewed fervor. He flipped through the new profiles SHIRASE had brought until…
“Hmm…? This is…”
He stopped unexpectedly and stared fixedly at the document in his hand.
The name of the adventurer was “Wiz.” Female, 15 years old. What’s more, she was a sage. A high level class which could use both black magic, the catch all term for all attacking magic, and white magic, the term for all healing and support magic.
She was a young girl with a deep crimson short jacket and skirt, staring at Masato with a deeply confident expression. Out of the photo, of course.
“Her abilities look great. She’s an all-around fighter, able to attack with magic and support and heal us if she has to.”
“Oh my, that sounds amazing. She looks like a very clever girl. That’s promising.”
Mamako had been looking on from the side and seemed quite intrigued.
“Uh, I take it you don’t have any problem with magic users as a job class?”
“Of course not. I always wanted to be a magician when I was a kid. There was a show about a magical girl on TV when I was young. I loved every minute of it.”
“That’s nice, Mom. That saves us some time. So magic-using classes are okay, which means… Hm?”
A certain point caught his eye.
“Wait, there’s something written in her comments… ‘If you don’t pick me, I’ll cast consecutive Instant Death spells on you!’ Can you believe it? What an idiot!”
“Now now, don’t say that. A sage is amazing. It says here she can use two types of magic. And she’s cute too. I think she looks like a good girl.”
“Huh? Seriously? Well… I guess her features are okay. It’s not like she’s NOT cute or anything…”
“Not your type, eh Makki?”
“Not exactly, but… those eyes… I don’t like those kinds of eyes.”
The eyes in the photo were large and sharply turned up at the corners, making her look like she was glaring at him.
“I can’t stand those eyes. She looks mean. She looks condescending, like she would keep preaching and nagging and just never shut up.”
“Hmm. She does look a bit strong-willed. Like a bit of a tomboy. But maybe she’s really sweet once you get to know her.”
“No way. That never happens with this kind of girl. She might be a sage but I bet she’s dumber than a brick. She’s the kind of “Dragon Spooker” character who would send her party members and the buildings and the very earth flying with a spell and stand there laughing her head off. My hero sense tells me so.”
“Hmm… I guess… If you say so, Makki.”
“I do say so. We’re not having her and that’s final. Bye Wiz. Thanks but no thanks!”
He crumpled her profile up and tossed it away.
He could have sworn he heard a faint “Whaaat?” sound when the balled up paper hit the ground, but it must have been his imagination. Right? Right.
“Moving on… aha, I was looking for a craft.”
Candidate number four. Name, “Porta.” 12 years old. Class: Traveling merchant. Not only could she craft items but she also had really helpful skills like appraisal and store discounts.
Her photo made her look like a cute, gentle girl. Her adorably round eyes gave her face a pure childishness. She seemed like a very nice girl.
“Hmm… Not bad. Good support skills and a little sister-type look… Looks like a character with potential I could spend a lot of time leveling up.”
“Oh my, she really is cute. I’ll interview her next, then.”
“You’re gonna do it again, aren’t you…”
Yup, she was.
A twelve-year old girl appeared in front of them.
Name, “Porta.” Class: Traveling merchant.
Traveling merchants were vendors who traveled around the world selling their merchandise instead of sticking to a fixed store. They could be found anywhere, in dungeons, underwater and even in the sky. Their trademark was a large, puffed up shoulder bag.
Porta sat in front of them clutching her bag and looking incredibly nervous.
“P-p-p-p-leased to m-m-meet you!”
“Pleased to meet you too.”
“Relax. You don’t have to be so worked up.”
“O-okay!”
Just being told to relax wasn’t enough to stop her being nervous, but twelve-year old Porta, who was clearly short for her age, looked adorable as she did her best to sit up straight and tidy herself up. Aww.
“Why don’t you tell us about yourself?”
“Okay! My name is Porta! I’m a test player!”
“Sweet, a player! I pulled a rare character!”
“Oh my, you’re a player too? Where is your mother?”
“M-my mother…? Umm, she’s… uh…”
Porta looked a little taken aback by the sudden question. But she quickly raised her head again.
“My mother is taking a little break from the game because of work! I’m traveling alone but I have the permission of the management to do so it’s perfectly fine. There’s absolutely no problem at all!”
“I see. Your mother must be very busy, Porta.”
“Hmm…”
It bothered Masato a bit how strangely desperate she seemed but… if she had permission from management then it must be okay. He decided to let it slide without comment.
“All righty. I’ve got questions too. Ready?”
“Ready!”
Masato put on his best “strict interviewer” expression as he looked at her and posed his question.
“Tell us what you’re good at and why we should let you join our party. You’re a merchant so you must have a good sales pitch, right?”
“Yes! Umm, my job class is a merchant! And one of my basic skills is to get you a discount whenever you sleep at an inn or buy something in a shop!”
“Amazing! You’re like a walking discount coupon!”
“Okay, Mom? I know it’s true but you didn’t have to put it that way.”
“Another basic skill lets me collect all the items party members have and manage the party storage. This lets you hold even more items than you normally would!”
“Hold items? You mean you’re going to carry them? Where?”
“In that bag, right? It looks like a magic item.”
“That’s right. It’s a wonderful piece of equipment, merchant-class only. I got it as a starter bonus!”
She patted the bag she was holding as she showed it to them.
“One of these bags can store up to 300 items! And it doesn’t matter how big or how heavy they are! You can leave all your luggage to me!”
“How wonderful! What a great storage tool. Vacuum-sealing bags for futons are a joke compared to these.”
“Oh yeah, I remember how sweaty you always get before summer when you try to put our heavy duvets away.”
“So you say but you’ve never even helped me once, Makki.”
“T-that’s not… I’ll help next time, honest!”
Using a vacuum-sealing bag lets you stuff plenty of futons flat inside a closet. A very convenient piece of kit. And completely off-topic, of course.
“Okey-dokey, I can tell a merchant is a very useful party member to have along but that ain’t nearly enough. Your profile says you have some other skills as well.”
“Yes. I also learned the Appraise skill! Now I can tell the name and effect of any item you get right away! I can tell you the price too! And, and, I’ll be learning lots of item creation skills too! So I can make the items you need!”
“That’s what I wanted to hear. In other words we don’t have to worry about healing and support items when you’re around, right?”
“That’s right. Leave it all to me!”
She bowed smartly and stared straight at them with perfectly clear, sparkling eyes. Nice girl. Really nice girl. He wouldn’t mind being more than party members with her.
But!
“Hmm… Your skills are all nice and good, but there’s no such thing as a free lunch, right? There’s gotta be a catch somewhere. Out with it!”
Masato put on his “mean interviewer” face as he pressed her. But it wasn’t because he wanted to see that slightly upset look on her charming little face again. He would never do something like that.
But Porta declared flatly without averting her pure eyes in the slightest:
“I’m registered as a non-combatant! That means I won’t be able to fight!”
“I see. Then you’re out of the question. We’re trying to increase our fighting power here, so…”
“But, but, I’ll do all the inventory and item creation instead! I’ll do everything I can to help! Just say the word and I’ll do it! I’ll do my very best!”
“Hmm…”
Masato and Porta stared each other down for a while, but she didn’t flinch or look away in the slightest.
She’s a nice girl. A nice girl without a doubt. A very, very nice girl and what’s more, one with great skills. And she was an ultra-rare test player. In other words she was basically perfect.
“That’s enough, isn’t it, Makki? I’ve already made up my mind.”
Mamako was already holding up a “Yes” card. Ding dong, ding dong! Porta passed with flying colors.
“Yeah I guess. I don’t have a problem. Well…”
“Welcome to the family, Porta, as my new daughter-in-law!”
“Thank you! It’s an honor to have you as a mother-in-law!”
Masato got Porta as a wife. Yay, Masato. Enjoy your lolicon honeymoon.
“Very funny, but this is totally wrong! Mom? Hey, Mom! We’re looking for party members! Stop thinking about wives and girlfriends already!”
“Oh, oops, sorry Makki!”
“Glad you get it. Let’s get back to business. Porta, will you join our party?”
“Yes! I’ll do my best to help the team out! Thanks for letting me join!”
Porta the traveling merchant has joined the party.
“Thanks for joining, Porta.”
“Pleased to meet you, uh… Hero! And, uhh, Hero’s Mom!”
“Now now, little Porta. You’re going to be our friend, so you can’t call us that. Call me Mom or Mama. And you can call Makki, Makki.”
“Oh no you can’t. Call me Masato and nothing else. And by the way my mom’s real name is Mamako.”
“Then I’ll call you Masato and Mama, would that be okay?”
“Sure. And we’re all on the same team so don’t be all nervous or uptight around us. Well I guess you’ll get used to us in a bit. Let’s have a good time together!”
“Yes! I’ll do my very best!”
She balled her little fists up into a fighting pose. Aww, what a cute little creature. Masato was so carried away he couldn’t help tickling her round cheeks.
“Awww~ that tickles!”
“Heh heh heh. You like that, don’t you? Don’t you?”
“Makki…”
“Aaah! Don’t look at me with such pitying eyes!”
Getting carried away by desire in front of his mom was just too risky.
M-moving on…
“We’re off to a good start! Let’s rack up some more members!”
“Yeah. I’m all ready to interview them.”
“You mean ready to fail them all, don’t you? Ugh, I’m tired all of a sudden. Let’s take a break. I’ll ask Ms. SHIRASE if there’s anything to drink…”
As he rose up and walked forward, he heard a crunching sound under his foot. “Huh? Did I step in something?” He looked down to see that he had stepped on the profile he had crumpled up and thrown away.
Right then…
“OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH! What the hell are you doing, you DUMMY?!”
“Huh? Wha… Whaaaa?!”
The paper under his foot suddenly exploded, sending Masato flying back. He hit his head on the desk with a thump. “Gyaah!” That hurt. It was the most painful thing he had ever felt in his life, so painful he almost passed out.
But there were more pressing matters. There was a figure standing there in the middle of the smoke from the explosion. The figure stamped forward deliberately, trembling with anger and stamping down so hard the floor almost cracked.
The smoke finally cleared to reveal a young girl. A young girl wearing a deep red jacked with geometrical patterns embroidered on it. Her large pointy eyes were wide open in fury and there was a clear footprint mark on her cheek.
“What the heck is your problem?! I try to be nice and you think you can walk all over me?! You’d better cut the crap or I’ll smack you with a dozen-hit instant death spell!”
“A dozen-hit spell? Meaning one spell hits twelve times?”
“Duh! It’s a consecutive hit spell so it’s twelve in a row! And why are you asking cool questions at a time like this? Arrgh, you piss me off! You’re gonna pay for making a fool of me! Get over here!”
A dictionary-thick book appeared in Footprint-Girl’s hand. She flipped through the pages and began to cast a spell.
“Supara – Ra – Magia – Pel – Mirrore – Transport!”
There was an instant flash and a sensation of lightness.
.
End of chapter 2 and end of my translations. If you liked it and can read Japanese, you can buy the full book on Amazon now. As for what I actually think of Tsuujou Kougeki ga Zentai Kougeki de Nikai Kougeki no Okasan wa Suki desu ka?, you’ll find out whenever I get round to writing my thoughts on it.
