Tag: Japanese

A category for anything to do with Japanese. Mainly includes stuff I originally watched in Japanese. There may or may not be English versions available.

The Banished Villainess’ Husband web novel chapter 2 (retranslated) + thoughts

The Banished Villainess’ Husband chapter 2 (retranslated)

An explanation of what this series is about and how/why I came to be retranslating the first two chapters can be found in the previous post on the topic. An explanations of my thoughts about it and why I dropped it after a few chapters (not that I had any intention of doing the full thing) follows after the chapter.
Author: Komori Kiri
Raw link: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n8287fp/

Chapter 2: Banishment
“So anyway, the Prime Minister is completely furious, right?  He’s gotta be.”
“Yeah. That’s why…”
“That’s why you want me to marry her and go along with her?”

A desperate measure that satisfies the desires of the King, the Prime Minister and Alephaldo all at once.
Haha, it’s so ironic that it’s almost funny.
Mm, today’s tea is as tasty as ever~.

“More tea.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Fran! Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Well you’re just a count, so we don’t have a choice, do we? So yeah, okay, I’ll do it.”
“Y-you sound so flippant about it!”
“Welp, time to go pack~”
“… …”

After finishing my second cup of tea, I returned to my room and packed my things.
I understand my father’s concerns, but we have no other choice so we can only obey.
And to be honest… I was a little happy inside.

Lady Elana is the daughter of a duke. She’s way out of my league. Even if I proposed, she would never marry me because I would probably not be the head of my family. What’s more, she was (Lord) Alephaldo’s fiancée. Even calling it a one-sided crush was a stretch…

“…~♪”

That’s why I hummed a little song to myself as I packed my things and left the house.
Father and Mother looked rather conflicted as they saw me off, but my little brothers were still small so they bawled out loud. At least my brother Rooth was too old for that and he was somewhat aware of the situation, so he tried to hold back his tears, but…

“Y-you can come home from time to time, okay?”
“Yeah no, that’s impossible.”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“H-hey, Rooth!  You’re a boy. You’re too old to be wailing like that!”

I waved away their cute farewells with a smile, climbed into the carriage and headed to Lady Elana’s mansion.
Looking at Father, it seemed he had accepted our fate.
The servants at Lady Elana’s mansion seemed resigned to it as well. I could tell because even though they couldn’t hide their mixed feelings, they showed me to the reception room right away.

“Ohh! Eufran!”
“Good morning Mr. Prime Minister~”

The Prime Minister was the first to come in. His face looked so murderous that I almost spat out the black tea I’d been served.

“I was moved! By your gallant figure last night! Please take good care of my daughter!”
“(His face is too close!)… Haha, well, I’m sorry you had to settle for me, but I’ll do my best~.”
“Waahhhh~~~!  I wish I could punch my past self! For laughing and thinking your report was some kind of joke! My daughter! Please take care of my daughter!”
“All right.”
“…”

Oh, he means the report where I said that Lady Rifanna had won everyone over. Well even I would have found that hard to believe. I smiled and nodded to say yes. I don’t have any special talents, and my family is just above average. I won’t be able to give her a life as luxurious as her current one, but…

“I’ll do my very best~.”
“*sob*!”
“Umm, so, could you release my hands, Your Excellency~? And your face is too close… And could you wipe your tears with your handkerchief?
“You’re such! A kind young man! Really!”
“Whoa, this is the first time anyone’s told me that.”

Maybe the Prime Minister has lost his marbles after overcoming his anger yesterday.

“…Compared to you, Prince Alephaldo… He sure did a fine job abandoning that engagement! He even completed all the procedures last night!”

What? Wouldn’t both houses normally have to discuss it first?
Wait, or did he involve the Guardian Dragon? He’s good at that sort of thing, isn’t he?

“And on top of that, he’s throwing her out of the country the very day after canceling the engagement!”
“…”
“It’s too much! It’s just too much for my poor Elana!”
“Well… it is rather sudden…”

Did he get the Dragon involved in that as well?
You sure are a handy weapon to have, Mr. Guardian Dragon.

“Mr. Prime Minister, as far as I know, neither Lady Elana nor any of the fiancées of the prince’s friends ever bullied Lady Rifanna.”
“What? What… did you say?”
“Please investigate as carefully as you can. Your daughter isn’t that kind of person. Please believe in her.”
“… … Eu-Eufran!!!”
“Gweh!”

I’ve given up on getting his face away from mine.
As he murmured in my ear, he hugged my neck tighter and tighter… I’m choking…
I’m gonna die.
I don’t wanna die in the arms of an old man.

“M-Master, the young mistress…”
“Huh, what?”
“…”

Someone was looking down at me with an extremely suspicious gaze.
Uh-oh.

“A-a-ahem! Elana… take care of your health, you hear?”
“Y-yes… Thank you for taking care of me, Father and Mother.”
“…”

Lady Elana’s mother wordlessly wiped her tears away with a handkerchief. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister turned his back on her… yup, I have a full view of his ugly crying mug…
She’s their beloved only daughter, after all. All she had was a single suitcase. I picked it up and offered her my hand. She obediently placed her hand in mine.
Whoops, that was close.
I almost smiled there.

“…I apologize for getting you involved in this.”

She said with a gloomy look after we left the house. We loaded the carriage with our luggage, then I opened the door for her, took her hand and helped her climb into the carriage and signaled the coachman with my eye to set off.

Up to that point I hadn’t replied to her. Once the carriage set off, I began to study her carefully.
She was in an extremely understated dark brown one-piece dress with a decorative hat. Jade-green hair with eyes like a calm ocean. Doesn’t she want to ask where we’re going next or what’s going to happen to us?

“You’re pretty quiet now, aren’t you?  You were so bold and outspoken yesterday.”
“Y-yesterday… yesterday was my… big moment, that’s why!”
“Hmm, is that right.”
“W-what is your problem?! What is with that frivolous attitude after I went so far as to apologize? Sh-shouldn’t you be comforting me?!”
“Since you’re not depressed, you don’t need comforting, do you ?”
“Urgh…”

Huh, she’s much livelier than I’d thought. That’s good.
As long as her spirits are up, we’ll manage somehow.

“Well, enough about that…”

“W-what is it?”
“Let’s talk about our next move. Did the Prime Minister… did your father tell you anything?”
“No… nothing. Last night, orders came from the palace for me to leave the country today, but that’s all.”
“I heard about it this morning.”
“W-what?!”

When I laughed out loud, she scolded me: “This is no laughing matter!”
I’m so glad she’s in high spirits.

“Anyway, that means we’re in this carriage with no fixed destination in mind.”
“Are you serious?!”
“…Not entirely.”
“Which is it?!”
“Actually, I have a relative who married someone who lives near the border in the next country. I was planning to go through them to find someplace to live.”
“Oh!”
“If they can put us up for a while until that’s arranged, we’ll be able to get by as long as we have a roof over our heads. However it’s quite a distant relation, so they might very well refuse. If they do, we’ll just have to start our lives there by carrying our luggage and begging the commoners to rent us a place. What do you say?  Sounds like we have a delightful future ahead of us, right?”
“~~! S-should you be laughing when you say that?”
“At any rate we won’t be able to live the way we used to. That much is for certain.”
“…”

When I grinned cheerfully at her, her shoulders suddenly drooped dejectedly.
For some reason she muttered “I’m sorry” again with her head down.
Why?

“No, I don’t mind. It seems like fun, really. But this must be rough on you, seeing as you’re a duke’s daughter and all.”
“Oh! I-I am fine!”
“Oh really? In other words, you’re prepared to suffer quite a bit?”
“Y…yes… but, umm, you’re…”
“I told you, it looks like fun so I don’t mind.”
“Looks like fun, he says…”

Just being together with you is exciting.
Man, this is a real problem.
You just never know how it’s going to turn out in life. To think the one-sided love I didn’t think stood a chance in this lifetime would actually come true~.

“I don’t have to be ordered around any longer, I don’t have to be mixed up in pointless power struggles either… I’ve been really busy these days, so I can think of it as finally getting some rest.”

Plus I get to be with Lady Elana. This is the best. Since Alephaldo made such a grand announcement about marrying Lady Rifanna, there’s no way he’ll try to get Lady Elana back. Our marriage papers must have been filed with the state by now. It’s a marriage that my father, the guardian of the law, plotted together with the Prime Minister and King to arrange. The procedures will all be completed today, I’m sure.
Along with the suspension of our rights as citizens. They probably won’t go as far as to strip them entirely. Even though they’re acting like we’ve lost both our citizenship and our court ranks, once they find out she’s innocent, they will recall her. Naturally I’ll be able to go back as well, but I’d rather live peacefully with her in the next country. Being a central national figure is nothing but a pain in the ass.

Alephaldo and his “school friends” do nothing but boss me around, after all.
Well guys, good luck making it on your own from now on.
We’ll do our best over here as well.
That’s all.

“You’re such an optimist…”
“It can’t get any worse. Probably.”
“I hope you’re right.”

Two hours passed as we chatted like this.

“We have arrived at the border.”
“Thanks~”
“Excuse me?”
“Well then, young master… I umm, I’m really…”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. It’ll work out somehow. Thanks for driving us. Say hi to my father and the Prime Minister for us.”
“What?”
“Yes sir… Well then…”
“*neeeigh!*”
“…Huh?”

We got out of the carriage once we arrived at the border. We had two suitcases to our names, and I had my beloved horse.

“…Eh?”
“Well, time for a fun walk. Lady Elana, can you ride a horse?”
“Huh? What? …Ehhhh?”
“What?”

What’s wrong?

“W-wait… Please wait a moment, Lord Eufran… Umm, a walk?”

“Hmm? Lady Elana, if you can ride a horse then just get up on Lucy. She’ll be carrying our luggage as well, so we can’t both ride her.”
“Umm… I can’t ride a horse.”
“You’ll have to walk then. Here’s our luggage, Lucy.”
“*whinny*”
“Umm…”

Lucy is my beloved horse. I got her as a birthday present when I was young. We brought her along by having her join the carriage horses. My dad gruffly sent her off with me, saying that it would be impossible to walk all the way to the next country, so we’d have to take my horse part of the way. It sure is nice to have her. She’s a horse for riding and hunting, not a pack horse, but having her around still makes a huge difference.

“Um… are you serious? We’re…. seriously… walking?”
“Yup, walking. And we’ll probably spend the night out in the fields too!”
“… …”

I gave her a thumbs up with a grin. Lady Elana looked completely depressed. 30 seconds later, she whispered, “Please let me ride the hose after all,” so I put her on Lucy and began to walk. Before long, the sky began to darken.

We found a wide place near the road to sit, made a rough fire pit with some stones and put in some sticks I had picked up. I brought matches, so I set fire to dried leaves and small branches to create a camp fire.

“Would you like some jerky?”
“…I’ll eat it.”

Haha, her face is completely lifeless.
Well, that’s only natural.

“Want a blanket?”
“Yes… please.”

I took a thin blanket from the bag and handed it to her. I knew she would be new to this kind of thing, but she seems to have suffered quite a shock. As the only daughter of a duke, she probably never thought the day would come when she would sleep outdoors.

I munched on some jerky and tended the fire.
Lady Elana stared at the fire as she chewed her jerky without a word.

End of chapter 2

Thoughts on why The Banished Villaness’ Husband doesn’t make a lick of sense, and thus I dropped it after just three chapters.

  1. As I said after chapter 1, the whole premise is off. The beloved only daughter of a duke wouldn’t immediately be married to a random stranger just because she got dumped in public. That would only be adding insult to injury. The answer to “my daughter got dumped” is not “force her to marry the first guy who comes along.” It’s just too stupid and speaks ill of the intelligence of all the characters in the series.
  2. It’s even worse because nobody says that she has to be banished alone. In other words, Elana’s next fiance doesn’t have to be Eufran and the marriage doesn’t have to be right away. If she needs bodyguards and servants, the combined strengths of the Prime Minister and King should be more than able to provide enough protection for her before she leaves the country.
  3. That realization makes chapter 2 even dumber. Why should the Prime Minister’s daughter, the daughter of a duke, sleep outside and eat beef jerky? With at least 12 hours notice of the banishment, and with the border being only 2 hours away, that was more than enough time to appoint companions, pack proper equipment, set up waystations and camp sites where she can rest, arrange for accommodation in the next country, contact the relative who lives there, etc. Naturally you can’t march a large army into the next country, but enough servants and guards to fit in two or three carriages is well within the realm of reason.
  4. Just in case an explanation was provided in a later chapter, I went ahead and checked chapters 3 and 4. They do explain why the dragon is so important that everyone has to bow down to Rifanna, but nothing is said about why the Prime Minister’s daughter must sleep on the ground and fill her belly with dried meat, why she can’t have servants, why a horse-drawn carriage can’t cross a border (some stuff is said about magic dragon scales powering stuff, but they shouldn’t affect animals). Lazy writing at its weakest.
  5. It’s also quite unbelievable that Eufran sent a report about Lady Rifanna to the King, the Prime Minister and the Chief Justice, they all thought it was a joke, they all didn’t notice how close Rifanna was getting to the Crown Prince even though they’re two of the most important persons in the country… really? How can they set him as a spy over the Prince and then not believe what he says? If they think Eufran is so stupid as to joke about something like that, why would they trust him with Lady Elana’s life? It beggars belief.
  6. My final objection is less about the story, more about the lead character Eufran. It pisses me off how gleeful he is about getting to marry the Crown Prince’s ex-fiancee. A woman he loves, but who barely knew he existed and who certainly didn’t have any feelings for him. And it becomes clearer as the chapters go that he didn’t even know her well, he just liked her looks. His impression was of someone who was prideful and selfish, and he was looking forward to taking her down a peg. What a creep! And what about her state of mind? What about what she wants? Nobody cares. It reminds me of this viral picture of a creepy Chinese man marrying a disgusted-looking Uyghur woman:

Dunno how I’m supposed to enjoy something like this. The story is dumb and the main character is creepy. Two chapters is enough to know where to stop.

The Banished Villainess’ Husband web novel chapter 1 (retranslated)

I don’t normally translate web novels. In fact, I don’t normally translate anything outside my day job. The reason I’m making an exception this time is because I’m currently a sucker for these generic “banished villainess” shoujo manga. The manga for The Banished Villainess’ Husband (追放悪役令嬢の旦那様) came out recently, but the story didn’t make much sense to me. I started to feel that it was a poor translation to blame when I saw this particular frame:

This was my clue that the translation was off. For all their flaws, Japanese manga usually have well-edited and logical scripts, so if a line doesn’t make sense, 99 out of 100 times, it’s the translator’s mistake. In fact, as a general tip for translators when something doesn’t make sense: do a ton of research, ask a lot of questions, look all over the internet before you conclude that the source text is at fault.

So anyway, I was curious about what the line really said, so first I checked the manga raws.

Japanese grammar/vocabulary lesson: The culprit here is the word “おろか”. It comes in two flavors. 愚か, which means ‘foolish, stupid’ or as the translator put it, “naive” and then 疎か meaning “not to mention …; needless to say …; not to speak of …; not only …” and that is what the translator should have used.

Thanks to all that investigative work, I ended up reading two chapters of the web novel. Somehow. And at the time, only machine-translated chapters were available in English from Foxaholic (though they have now cleaned them up somewhat). So I ended up re-translating the first two chapters. Why only the first two? Firstly because I just wanted to get the premise straight in my mind, secondly because after reading chapter two the series just seemed too stupid to me to be worth continuing. But I will explain why when I post the second chapter tomorrow or later.

Summary of The Banished Villainess’s Husband: “I” had the luck of being the one who reached out towards the young lady whose engagement was annulled by Prince Alephaldo, Elana. The day after the annulment, I was banished with her and married even though we dated for exactly 0 days. Well, it’s just a slow country lifestyle of banishment in the neighboring country! Or so I thought, but…? This is my story about becoming a banished daughter’s husband.(Mangadex)

Chapter 1 of The Banished Villainess’s Husband
Author: Komori Kiri
Web novel raw: https://ncode.syosetu.com/n8287fp/

Prince, are you serious?

My name is Eufran D’italie Bailey.
I am the son of a count. My father is the chief justice.
This is the story of how I was deceived by an incredible woman.
It all started when my “friend” the Crown Prince suddenly declared that he was going to switch fiancées and foisted his “ex” on me.
It was a confidential matter when he told me, so not only did his fiancée have no idea, but the King, her parents and my parents were all in the dark.
It sounded like a joke someone would make in a casual conversation, but his eyes were completely serious.
Moreover, the one who brought the topic up was the Crown Prince himself.

His fiancée was the daughter of a duke.
There was no problem with her status.
Meanwhile, I barely qualified to be a noble.
My parents needled me at every opportunity because I didn’t have a fiancée at my age due to my extreme pickiness.
If I didn’t choose someone quickly, I might be forced to marry someone past marriageable age, so I had nothing to complain about if I could get someone who was both beautiful and high in status.
Even if she was an ex, she was still the Crown Prince’s fiancée at one point.

The real problem was the woman the Prince chose as his new fiancée.
She was a girl who possessed the “holy radiance” and was loved by the Guardian Dragon.
The dragon was the protector of the nation. In times of war, it was both its spear and shield.
The Guardian Dragon loved and protected people who had a special magical power known as the “holy radiance.”

This meant that the country had to have someone with the holy radiance – the beloved of the Guardian Dragon.
If the beloved child was slighted or treated poorly, the Guardian Dragon would abandon the kingdom and it would be destroyed.
That is the kind of woman the Crown Prince Alephaldo has chosen.
And thus, no one objects.
They don’t dare.

…And that’s why I’m at my wits’ end right now.

Because Alephaldo suddenly approached his fiancée, Lady Elana Ruthfett Forsythe, right in the middle of the graduation party, and pushed her out of the way, fully intending to break off the engagement. And thus he declared, loudly and proudly in front of everyone…

“You vicious woman! You think I don’t know about all the disrespectful things you’ve done to Rifanna?”
“Wha…?”
“I don’t even want to see your face! As of today, our engagement is over! And I’m going to make you pay for all the many times you bullied Rifanna!”
“Please wait a minute, Your Highness! That woman is the one at fault here! She may possess the holy radiance and be loved by the dragon… but Your Highness is still my fiancé…”
“Shut up! I’m saying I’m sick of that arrogant attitude of yours! Get lost! I never want to see you again!”
“Your… Highness…”

The woman in the purple dress who was pushed away, Alephaldo’s fiancée… no, ex-fiancé, Elana began to shake, fists balled up, biting her lips as she glared daggers at Rifanna, the woman Alephaldo had his arm around.

No one there tried to help her. Some of the young ladies could even be seen holding back their giggles behind their fans. Furthermore, some of the people behind her didn’t even hide their laughter as they commented, “The evil lady is finished now.”
The scornful laughter began to spread.
The scene seemed surreal as the King and the Knight Captain tried to restrain the red-faced Prime Minister who was on the verge of snapping.

In the midst of all that, Lady Elana, who had been pushed away, began to smile. She rose unsteadily to her feet… and curtsied beautifully.
“Very well, then. Since you are that determined, your Highness, I have no objections to canceling our engagement. Since I will be busy with the cancellation procedures, I must bid you farewell for today.”

With that, she tried to make a gallant exit.
Her heels clattered as she made for the exit, an unfading smile on her face.
However she suddenly staggered and lost her balance.
My body moved immediately to save her from danger.
Before I knew it, I was holding her arm and supporting her body.

“Careful there. Did you twist your ankle when you fell?”
“Oh!  W-who might you be?”
“Eufran D’italie Bailey. You don’t know me? We’re in the same class.”
“The same class? …urgh…”
“Hey, are you really okay?”

Lady Elana was holding her head. Her face grew paler and paler.
The number of eyes scrutinizing her rudely did not decrease.
I started getting angry at those people and glared back fiercely. In response, some looked away, others pretended not to notice, some began to speak to those nearby…
I glanced at Alephaldo while I was looking at them, but he was laughing away with Rifanna as if nothing had happened.

Hey, hey, Prince… are you serious?
You’re not even thinking about Lady Elana any more, huh?

I could see the furious Prime Minister glowering in this direction with the same death glare that Lady Elana sported earlier, so I bowed to him. This lady inherited the weirdest thing from her father.

“I-if you involve yourself with me, you will put yourself in a difficult position.”
“Hmm? Are you worried about me~? You’re so sweet~.”
“!”
“Don’t worry about me. You have to act tough till the end, right?”
“…”

She left the hall holding on to my arm, not showing the slightest hint of pain in her leg.
She even managed a magnificent curtsy at the end before leaving.
Once the doors closed, she sank to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.

“… …”
“I’ll prepare a carriage for you. Will you wait here? Or would you rather…”
“I’ll… wait… in the arrival hall…”
“Okay. Hang in there!”
“Oh!”

She looked pretty surprised when I offered her my hand. Is it that rare for this lady to experience a gentleman offering his hand to a lady?

“…I cannot understand this. For someone of your position to…”
“I’m Alephaldo’s ‘friend’. And what my friend did makes me feel sick. If there’s a lady in front of me who can’t stand, I’ll give her my hand. I’m a gentleman, after all. Right?”
“…All right.”

She took my hand. She and Alephaldo were engaged to each other since childhood as a result of their parents’ decision.So I have danced with Lady Elana several times at social functions, but…

“Okay, one final push. Hang in there.”
“I…I know.”

She only had eyes for Alephaldo, huh? I didn’t make the faintest impression on her. That fact that she doesn’t even remember me… isn’t a good thing for someone who was supposed to be the Crown Prince’s fiancée. But I guess it just shows how obsessed you were with Alephaldo.

That evening, I took her back to her house and then left.
The trouble began the following morning.

As we were eating breakfast, my father sighed heavily and then said something unbelievable.
“Me? Marry Lady Elana? Huh?!”
“Don’t ‘huh?!’ me. The Prime Minister is absolutely furious. His Majesty is at a loss as well. Urgh, this is such a mess…”
“…”

I stabbed a piece of meat with my fork and brought it to my mouth.
Yup, that’s right.
It’s natural that Crown Prince Alephaldo has made a complete enemy of the Prime Minister after what he did.
Alephaldo is the only prince in this country. Since he has no other siblings, he was rather spoiled as he grew up.

I have five younger brothers, but the third son Courgan is the most talented. I’m sure my father wants to make Courgan his successor as well. In this country, heirs are designated, so you can make your most promising son your heir. However the second son Rooth is 13, the third son Courgan is 8 years old and my other younger brothers are 5, 3 and six months old. They’re all still kids.

I bet my father plans use me as a proxy for a while, then designate Courgan as the official heir once my brothers are old enough to be useful.
Or rather, that’s what he “planned” to do.
Right now he looks like someone whose plans have gone up in smoke.

“There’s nothing anyone can do about it because his partner is the maiden with the holy radiance, right?”
“That’s right. And that’s a whole new problem…”
“It’s not like you can cut her off at this point, either.”
“Argh… if you understand that much, why did you just sit back and not do anything? Couldn’t you have done something about her with your talents?”
“Come on, Father. You’re giving me too much credit. That’s way above my level as the son of a count. That would have been the job of his “study buddies” from higher-ranking families. And since Rifanna won them all over as well, there was nothing I could do. The end.”
“… Is that true?”
“Yes, unfortunately. Didn’t I report it to you, the King and the Prime Minister? Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten?”
“Oh! You mean that… I-I thought it was a joke!”
“…”

When I glared steadily at him, he had the decency to look apologetic.
He didn’t actually apologize, though.
Well, I guess it’s only natural.
Terrifyingly enough, Lady Rifanna had the ability to charm not only the Guardian Dragon and Crown Prince Alephaldo but also Starrett, Nicks and Cars, “friends” of the prince and future aide candidates like me, all of them from ducal households.
They were all sons of extremely highly-placed families.

Lady Elana and I were in a different class, so we had nothing to do with Lady Rifanna. However I did hear rumors that Lady Elana was harassing Lady Rifanna out of jealousy. I wasn’t interested in the truth behind it, because I also heard that apart from Lady Elana, the fiancées of Starrett, Nicks and Cars hated Lady Rifanna and bad-mouthed her.

But daring as they were, those women would not want to face the wrath of the Guardian Dragon. Neither would Lady Elana. So… either the fiancées or some other party whispered into the prince’s ear that Lady Elana was bullying Lady Rifanna. Just that would be enough to push the blinded prince to eliminate the “enemy.”

And since Lady Elana had the highest position among the noble ladies and was domineering and I heard no good rumors about her, she probably made a good target.
Yes, and if I didn’t get involved… I wouldn’t become a target as well.
There was no need to get involved.

[translator’s note: This part was poorly explained in the original as well (yes, I did check). Basically rumors were flying around about Rifanna being bullied and bad-mouthed. The fiancées panicked because the dragon might think the rumors were true, so instead of trying to clarify that they hadn’t done anything, they pushed all the blame for the fictional bad-mouthing and bullying on Elana.

Or it may have been someone else behind both the false rumors and the prince getting to hear of it. Neither the fiancées nor Elana actually bullied Rifanna AFAIK but either way Elana was framed and punished.]

“Back on topic, this talk of marriage between Lady Elana and I is kinda sudden, isn’t it? I just helped her up and sent her home last night, that’s all.”

“I told you, the Prime Minister is livid. So the King wanted to find another fiancé for her as soon as possible. When he saw you of all people helping her up and taking her away, you caught his eye.”
“Oh, really. Well, I don’t mind.”
“Aahhh…  I knew. That you. Would say that!”

Father’s head sank into his hands.
Mm, this meat is delicious.

“Listen to the full story! Prince Alephaldo is urging the King to banish Lady Elana from the country!”
“What, seriously? Does he have to go that far?”
“Apparently it’s to avoid angering the Guardian Dragon. I don’t know how aware the Guardian Dragon is of Lady Elana. However, on the off-chance that the story of Lady Elana bullying Lady Rifanna is true, not even the King and the Prime Minister will be able to protect her. Even I have no choice but to support the prince in this matter.”
“Hmm…”

In other words, if the Guardian Dragon gets pissed off, there’s the chance that it will waste the whole country because it thinks we dissed the maiden with the holy radiance.
This is the threat of that “chance.”
That’s why Lady Elana is going to be banished to curry favor with the dragon.
It’s only natural when you think of the importance of the Guardian Dragon to this nation.

The problem is that it’s not clear whether Lady Elana ever did harass Lady Rifanna…
Lady Rifanna never said anything about it. Isn’t anyone going to check with her?
As far as I know, neither Lady Elana nor any of the other fiancées ever bullied Lady Rifanna.
No matter how irritating they found her, the nobles wouldn’t touch her as long as she was the dragon’s beloved and had the holy radiance.

This is an outrageous suggestion but, could it be… that this holy radiance maiden doesn’t give a fig what happens to Lady Elana?

“… …”

Which one of them is the vicious woman, again?

End of chapter 1. And already the key problem with the premise arises: it’s just too unbelievable that they would suddenly marry the Prime Minister’s daughter, and the daughter of a duke, off to a random count’s son just because he helped her once at a party. And not just marry her, but set off together to parts unknown. She can take a random guy along, but no maids, retainers, bodyguards, nothing? Ridiculous. I’ll talk more about the logical problems with The Banished Villainess’ Husband after I post the next chapter.

62nd Kohaku Utagassen rundown (2011 edition)

Welcome back to another rundown! This time it’s the 62nd edition of NHK Kohaku Utagassen, which took place on December 31st 2011. That means I still have 7 more editions to watch to catch up to the current series, not to mention the next one is happening in just over a month! There were a few good performances that stuck with me in the last one I watched so I have high hopes for this one too.

The presenters are Mao Inoue and Arashi (ugh, again). I don’t know the former and I don’t like the latter so I won’t be focusing too much on them. Instead let’s ignore the boring introduction and get right on with the performances! Oh, the Nadesiko Japan football team was trotted out to say a few words. I’d forgotten about them, but they seem to be doing pretty well since.

1. Ayumi Hamasaki “progress” (13) 浜崎あゆみ

What a horrible night to have a curse… which is listening to Ayumi Hamasaki’s live singing to start a concert. Horrible singing, horrible song, boring outfit, pointless, confusing backup dancing. And at one point she even got slightly ahead of the backing track. Absolutely terrible in every way.

Yeah, punch out the lights so I don’t have to watch this.

2. NYC “100% Yuuki NYC” (3) 100%勇気NYC

They haven’t impressed me in their previous appearances. I don’t think that will change, but we’ll see. I’m really hoping the decline of Johnny’s talent agency will lead to more fresh faces on my Kohaku screen next time I watch it. Come to think of it, this is the last Kohaku I watched instead of merely downloading it for future watching. I can see why I stopped watching the program.

I like the colorful outfits, but the cringey dancing and obvious lip-syncing does nothing for me. Not to mention their own song “Yumetamago” was rubbish and Yuuki 100% is a Hikaru Genji cover. Gimme the original then.

3. Angela Aki “One Family” (6) アンジェラ・アキ

She cut her hair >_< Argh, I’m so jealous of people who can cut and grow their hair at will. I’ve long given up on getting anything past shoulder length. As long as its healthy, right?

Angela Aki was 9 months pregnant at the time of the show, and according to Wikipedia she had a boy in February 2012. The song itself is John Lennon-type “imagine all the people living life in peace” type bland pap. The stuff people clap politely to, but if you really asked them to open their borders to all and sundry, Japan would be the first to revolt. That’s reality.

4. flumpool “Akashi” (3) 証

Since the March 2011 Tohoku earthquake disaster occurred that year, expect more weepy, melodramatic footage of stars touring the scene to show how caring and compassionate they are. I’m not just saying that because I am a soulless scumbag – although I am – but because I really don’t see how showing off on these tours or writing encouraging songs helps the people on the ground. Though I wouldn’t know, having never been in their place. And never wanting to be there either.

ANYWAY, the song was used for the NHK high school choral contest and the backing vocals are from a choir from Tokushima prefecture. It actually sounds like he’s interrupting their nice singing, lol. The song is weepy glurge. Doesn’t stick in my head.

5. AKB48 “Kohaku 2011 AKB48 Special MIX ~Ganbarō Nihon!~” (4) 紅白2011 AKB48スペシャルMIX 〜がんばろう日本!〜

Geh. And of course they have to talk about how often they went to the disaster zone to cheer people up with their songs. Well, as long as it works. Those fluttery skirts are coming off, aren’t they? Yup. And were discreetly collected by the lower peons.

This Kohaku Utagassen introduced a feature where they write messages from the public on the bottom of the screen. They’ve done this in the form of verbal announcements by the announcers in the past, and that wasn’t so bad. The red and white messages are distracting and hard to read unless I pause. I hope they’ll reconsider that in future editions. I’m going to ignore them from now on.

Introduction of the guest judges. Ah so. Koshino Junko is fancy. The guy next to her refused to even bow and barely smiled. What’s his name? Wah, Kotoshogiku. I used to watch him on NHK during the sumo tournaments.

Mana Ashida, Fuku Suzuki “Maru Maru Mori Mori!” (New) ディズニーの仲間たち・芦田愛菜・鈴木福・紅白有志／ディズニー・スペシャル・メドレー

I remember seeing this duo on all the Japanese variety shows back when the song first came out. Stupidly catchy stuff, even now I find myself singing “maru maru mori mori” sometimes. So cute. I even clapped a little at the end.

Of course they trotted out some children from Tohoku for the usual forced feels, but we’ll ignore that. In fact I think I’ll stop commenting on that aspect of the show. To be fair, it would be weirder if the prestigious annual show ignored the great disaster altogether, but trotting people out from the area like monkeys at the zoo feels kind of pointless. Nevertheless, it is what it is.

Then there’s a Disney special which is like, okay. TBH, this Mickey is so manic he actually scares me a little. And Arashi? Srsly. No. It’s too soon. This is supposed to be a children’s special. Pointless comments from SMAP… I’m always baffled by how young they looked back then.

6. Funky Monkey Babys “Soredemo Shinjiteru” (3) それでも信じてる

So far I haven’t found anything super amazing, but apart from the first two performances, I haven’t heard anything horrible either. Ooh, nice camera angle. I can see the wings and the loitering staff. This performance seemed a bit short.

7. Nishino Kana “Tatoe Donna ni” (2) 西野カナ たとえ どんなに…

I like her dress and the chandelier but the song is meh. Yeah, more and more I’m understanding why I stopped watching Kohaku and following the J-music scene.

8. AAA “CALL” (2)

I made any comments I had to about AAA in their debut performance last year. Unimpressive singing and dancing and music, not helped by the baffling camera angles and frumpy outfits. Next!

9. Miyuki Kawanaka “Nirinsō” (24) 川中美幸 二輪草

This song again. I like it but… y’know? I guess you can think of it as a New Year’s tradition or something. And I didn’t care to see AKB48 again, especially not so soon. Their dance is supposed to show “an age gap” which is why they are dancing with these older guys. TBH I don’t know what they’re trying to say… Actually no, I do know. They’re pandering to AKB48’s fanbase of much older guys, letting them live out a fantasy on stage. CREEEEEEPY. GET OUTTTTTTT.

10. Ken Hirai “Itoshiki Hibi yo” (7) 平井堅 いとしき日々よ

So glad that’s over. I like Ken Hirai’s music but he only knows one way to perform. Sticking his hand up in the air, bringing it down, up, down, up, down. Decent song, but not crazy about it.

11. Ayako Fuji “Ayako no Okuni Jiman dayo ~Ganbarona Tohoku!! Kohaku Special~” (17) 藤あや子 あや子のお国自慢だよ 〜がんばろな東北!!紅白スペシャル〜

Fuji Ayako-samaaaaa <3 She’s so pretty. Hey, isn’t that Tokio? Interesting performance introducing the various festivals of Japan, though the song is unexciting. Also did I mention she’s pretty?

12. Takashi Hosokawa “Nebuta” (35) 細川たかし ねぶた

I thought Hosokawa Takashi had been banned from Kohaku by this point. Hey, hey, AKB48 again? Get out! For some reason, this feels like a very “noisy” song, maybe because there’s so much going on, even more than with Ayako’s segment. Nebuta refers to the Aomori Nebuta Festival IIRC.

13. Nana Mizuki “POP MASTER” (3) 水樹奈々

Meh. Actually I went “meh” before even hearing the song, which wasn’t fair. So I’ll save any other comments till the performance is over… Yeah, meh. At least she’s lip-syncing so she doesn’t sound as screechy as usual. I can’t believe she’s become a fixture of Kohaku Utagassen. She must have a powerful agency backing her.

14. Porno Graffiti “One More Time” (10) ポルノグラフィティ ワンモアタイム

Do you really want… what? The sentence needs an object. Very so-so rock song. I like the lead singer’s outfit but that’s about it.

15. Inawashirokos “I love you & I need you Fukushima” (New) 猪苗代湖ズ I love you & I need you ふくしま

A band that happens to come from Fukushima. Coincidence? I don’t care. Just hope the song is nice. Apparently they held some concerts together with Fukuyama Masaharu, making yet another appearance by live feed. Meh.

…I like the song already. It reminds me of some of the older Rock bands like R.C. Succession. It’s the style that I like more than the song itself, but at least I’m enjoying it more than most of the other songs I’ve heard today. Interesting, it’s not “Fukushima” or “Hukushima” but a sound between F and H. Japanese pronunciation is easier than most, but it does have a few tricks to it.

Aha! When the vocalist started screaming, I remembered him at once. The lead singer of Sambomaster. I still remember the “love and peace!!!” screaming from the end of “Sekai wa Sore o Ai to Yobundaze.” Ouendan 2, good times.

16. Natsuko Godai “Kinmokusei” (18) 伍代夏子 金木犀

An ikebana-themed stage. I like it. And love her kimono. Familiar enka song with the usual tune. I like it though. And a calming song is refreshing after all the noise before.

17. L’Arc-en-Ciel “CHASE” (5)

Their 20th Anniversary that year. I was a huge Laruku fan some years ago, still am on a certain level but not as much. They went on a World Tour in 2012? I wouldn’t mind seeing them live sometime. I’m not familiar with this song, though. Let’s see… I rather like it. I would listen to it a few more times at least. Yeah, I’m biased towards Laruku, bite me. Hyde’s wiggling dance is kinda funny. Like a furry black caterpillar, lol.

18. Kaori Mizumori “Shōnai Heiya Kaze no Naka” (9) 水森かおり 庄内平野 風の中

Inspired by a particular prefecture/hometown which was just mentioned but I don’t remember. But that’s where the coach of Nadeshiko Japan was from, so he’s happy about it. I’m just happy it’s not Tohoku this time. Not sure how to feel about this performance. It’s so generic “enka song” and even Kaori Mizumori looks and dresses the same as always. Meh.

19. Shinichi Mori “Minato Machi Blues” (44) 森進一 港町ブルース

His 44th consecutive performance. And it’s a song I don’t know, not Ofukuro-san. Ureshii. Heavy foundation, lip gloss, hair dye. They all do it, but it’s so obvious on him. I like this song, Might even listen to it again sometime.

20. Ringo Sheena “Carnation – Akagumi nara Dare Demo” (New) 椎名林檎 カーネーション-紅組なら誰でも

I’ve heard her name several times before, now I get to see the real thing. Hmmm… That chandelier is still up there? Just because I said it was nice? :-p Oya? There was something under the dress? Huh. Well whatever. I’m not impressed by either song. Why is she getting so much play time? It’s boring. The fake teary look got boring with the first song as well. Next.

Rimi Natsukawa (6), Masafumi Akikawa (4) “Asu to Iu Hi ga” 夏川りみ ・ 秋川雅史 あすという日が

Mao Inoue looks a bit breathless from changing so quickly lol. Anyway, this is the end of the first half of the show, so there’s a minute for voting and an interlude and stuff. I got tired of the music after the first 30 seconds. Rimi Natsukawa is like Ken Hirai, only one furitsuke. The background and Natsukawa are drowning Akikawa a bit, but it works so it’s okay. And who doesn’t like cute babies and maudlin stories?

Just wish there wasn’t so much Mao Inoue in it, ‘cos, like, the babies are way cuter. Why do I have to listen to a whole song about Mao Inoue playing with babies?

WHAT. Red team is winning? Oh yeah, they did win this year didn’t they? Meh. It doesn’t mean anything anyway.

21. KARA “KARA 2011 Special Medley” (New) KARA 2011スペシャルメドレ

KARA’s first appearance on Kohaku… Hahaha, Tendo Yoshimi and Akko and Miyuki Kawanaka. I giggled slightly, though perhaps that reveals the ageist bias within me. And within the Japanese. Boring performance like most idol groups. I know that “Mister” song, one of the few Korean songs I can recognize. And what’s the point of a booty-shaking performance when you don’t have a booty to shake?

22. Hideaki Tokunaga “Jidai” (6) 徳永英明 時代

Korokke says he has come up with a new joke where enka singers like Kitajima Saburo sing AKB48 songs. It might be funny, but I won’t look for it.

Hideaki Tokunaga continuing his career of scoring hits from covers of female singers. This one is “Jidai” a cover of Nakajima Miyuki, one of my favorite singers. So naturally I prefer the harsh and ironic tones of the original. Tokunaga has a softer voice, so his version is more soothing and comforting, which works in a way but nahhh. I like the stringy things in the background, btw.

23. Perfume “Laser Beam” (4) レーザービーム

I wonder who designs their costumes. Too screechy, had to reduce the volume. Boring song, boring dance, only the outfits are interesting. And at my age I only feel sympathy for people who have to dance vigorously in high heels…

24. TOKIO “Miageta Ryusei” (18) 見上げた流星

Kokubun seems to be playing the piano for reals, okay? Oh, it’s the alcoholic pedophile member whose name I can’t remember. What’s going on with Tokio these days? I’ll miss them from my Kohaku even though this song is totally forgettable.

25. Girls’ Generation “GENIE” (New) 少女時代

If they were going to perform, they should have sung “Gee” instead. I like that one. And hate it at the same time. It’s the second K-pop song I know. Dunno which of the girls did the introduction, but her Japanese is really good. So this was when the Hallyu wave hit Japan. Ordinary song, but better than KARA’s.

26. Hiromi Go “Go Smile Japan” (24) 郷ひろみ

Eh. I guess I like the message of “You don’t have to work that hard.” This old man. He’s really energetic for a 51-year old guy. I’ll have to up my game so I can hop around when I’m that age too. Nice dentures too. 2 oku 4 sen man is one his classics. I like it actually. Yay!

27. aiko “Koi no Superball” (10) 恋のスーパーボール

Aiko keeps showing up, but I just can’t get into her songs. Will this be the one that does it for me? … … It’s okay but not blowing me away. That’s the best I can get from her.

28. Yuzu “Hey Wa” (4) ゆず Hey和

The comments from the guest judges aren’t really needed IMO, but this was a bit amusing.

This is the most boring Kohaku Utagassen I’ve ever watched. Enough talking, start singing. Buying time for the staff to set up eh? This had better be worth it… but it wasn’t. So-so song.

29. Koda Kumi “Ai wo Tomenaide” (7) 倖田來未 愛を止めないで

Bad song, doesn’t work with her voice, and the dress is unimaginative. And it’s the same motions for all her songs. Next please.

30. Tohoshinki “Why? (Keep Your Head Down)” (3) 東方神起

Otherwise you’ll get shot? :-p That’s why they’re hopping around all over the stage? What is this I don’t even… Actually I liked the seizure-dancing better than the song. Next! Phew, it finally ended.

And now for a brief interlude of Arashi torture with a piano rescued from the ruins of the Tohoku earthquake. Blahhhh.

31. Ayaka Hirahara “Ohisama ~Taisetsu na Anata e” (8) 平原綾香 おひさま〜大切なあなたへ

J-dramas are so crappy. The acting is so horrible. The skits are pathetic too. Wow, I really hate this show. Why am I still watching? I just wanted some musical performances, not J-drama promotion.

The song is blah, and every shot is people crying and crying. Horrible. Next next next next next!!!

32. Masao Sen “Kitaguni no Haru” (16) 千昌夫 北国の春

I don’t know Masao Sen, so I guess I learned something new. You can read more about him here. I want this show to be over already. Kitaguni no Haru is supposed to be his signature tune, let’s see if I’ll get something download-worthy this time. Hmm, I think I’ve heard it before.

I’ve had enough of this sucky show. Gonna take a break first and come back later. Messages of encouragement from people all over the world. BOOOOOORIIIIIIING. Ohay, it’s Jackie Chan. Fast forward to the next performance.

Or not… Actually I took a whole week off from watching this show because it was so boring. I watched Zeta Gundam instead, which I will totally post about one of these days. It started slow but got better once Kamille stopped being such a… jerk. Yes, jerk is the most polite thing I can call him. And I liked seeing Amuro again.

33. Sachiko Kobayashi “Onna no Sakaba” (33) 小林幸子 おんなの酒場

That outfit must have cost thousands and taken months to construct. The song itself is just a normal enka song. Whoa! I took my eyes off her for a second and this giant dragon swallowed her! Last boss-sama! Whoooaa. This is pretty cool! But again, the song is just normal. It would have been fun to watch live, though.

34. Toshiyuki Nishida “Ano Machi ni Umarete” (4) 西田敏行 あの街に生まれて

He is from Tokushima. Hence the song meaning “I was born in that city.” They’re showing a local program that goes on several times a day, means to cheer the people up. Bread and circuses.

Wow, I like his voice. It’s soothing. Wow, I really like this song, 75% becauase of the voice and 25% because it’s very soothing and pleasant to my stressed ears. Rewind and listen again before moving on…

 

35. Ayaka “Minna Sora no Shita” (5) 絢香 みんな空の下

Boring song. I’m not going to waste a lot of words on dull performances from now on.

36. Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi “Hitotsu” (3) 長渕剛 ひとつ

Ooh, I like Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi. He’s so “trying hard to look cool” all the time, lol. But I’m not familiar with this song. …and I’ll hear it eventually, once he’s done talking for 10 years… It’s so-so. It’s cheap of the camera to go round the crowds looking for people crying, like, a little privacy please? Another boring, overwrought performance, TBH.

37. Akiko Wada “Ano Kane wo Narasu no wa Anata” (35) 和田アキ子 あの鐘を鳴らすのはあなた

One of her famous songs. Oh, I like her dress. And the chandelier keeps getting bigger and fancier. It will take over Japan at this rate. Man, I really like her dress. I like this song, but I have it on mp3 so I’ve heard it tons of times before. I enjoyed the passionate performance, though. And I like her raspier voice these days.

38. Arashi “2011 Kohaku Special Medley” (3) 嵐 2011紅白スペシャルメドレー

Tch. Arashi. I hear they’re calling it quits after 2020. Unlike SMAP I will not miss them.

39. Ikimono-gakari “Aruite Ikou” (4) いきものがかり 歩いていこう

What a hideous dress. It was made from public suggestions, and it shows. Don’t take the public so seriously. Well well, the song without much ado. Hmm… It’s okay. Though the girl just walking in a grim cityscape is kind of depressing TBH. I need to find more synonyms apart from “okay” and “so-so.” Average. Unforgettable. Meh. Looked up and the girl was walking with animals. Ah so.

40. Hiroshi Itsuki “Furusato” (41) 五木ひろし ふるさと

Hai, enough talking. Gimme Itsuki, I like him. Maybe they’re killing time while he’s setting up? Phew, at last. Itsuki Hiroshi, singing this song at Kohaku for the first time in 38 years. Ooh, I like the colorful background, and it’s not as pixelly as it was two years ago. Still a bit blurry though. Where did my favorite chandelier go? I like the song. Maybe it’s because it’s so old, it feels really nostalgic.

41. Seiko Matsuda (16), Sayaka Kanda (New) “Ue wo Muite Arukou” 松田聖子 / 神田沙也加 上を向いて歩こう

Seiko trying to give a boost to her daughter’s career. Doesn’t seem to have worked, since I haven’t heard of Sayaka Kanda becoming a major star by 2019. Let’s see… according to wikipedia she was able to land the dub voice of Anna in Frozen… and that’s it for major achievements. But enough jealousy and trash-talking, how’s the song?

Well it’s Kyu Sakamoto’s classic so I know it already. I think this rendition is too drawn out for a song that is supposed to be upbeat and peppy and sung with conviction. This is more like someone who is trying to talk themselves into feeling good but failing. Too realistic, lol.

BTW I need the number of Seiko-san’s plastic surgeon. Call me, doc, I need you! ^_~

42. Kiyoshi Hikawa “Jounetsu no Mariachi” (12) 氷川きよし 情熱のマリアッチ

This time his theme is Mexico? Omoshiroi. Wahhh, dat outfit. I LOVE IT. I think? The song is boring and the backup dancers are stiff and fake. Kiyoshi, I am disappoint.

43. Fuyumi Sakamoto “Yozakura Oshichi” (23) 坂本冬美 夜桜お七

I like this song a lot too. Used to have the mp3 but must have lost it. And no distracting background singers. Lovely performance, really like it Bueno.

44. Masaharu Fukuyama “Kazoku ni Narou yo” (4) 福山雅治 家族になろうよ

Whoa, what a crowd. Even with the blacked out sections, that’s a huge crowd. So is this guy ever going to show up on the Kohaku stage or will he always be singing via live feed? Welp, he has a few songs I like but I’m not that crazy about him. I take the songs on a case by case basis. And this one is… Unmemorable. Unimpressive. His singing voice isn’t anything special either. Next.

45. Yumi Matsutoya “(Minna no) Haru yo, Koi” (2) 松任谷由実 （みんなの）春よ、来い

Yumin! I like some of her songs, and “Haru yo, Koi” is pretty much her signature tune. Oh I see, everyone’s going to sing together. Her hair style makes her look old and doddering, because it’s too ‘young’. Don’t do this hairstyle again. Ooh, I love Fuji Ayako’s pink dress. I’m singing along since everyone’s supposed to sing too.

 

46. Exile “Rising Sun” (7)

Exile-san-tachi, you guys are looking a bit… up there in years. But fit, man. I can’t dance like that. Of course, the two guys who just sing and never dance are the two main leaders. Actually I enjoy watching Exile-ojisan-tachi perform even though their music is boring, because the dances are so over the top. I hope they don’t disband. Where else would I get jumping ojisan-tachi to watch? Man, if I danced like this, I would be so… dead. But fit. *clap clap clap* I can’t do it so I applaud.

47. Yoshimi Tendō “Ai Sansan” (16) 天童よしみ 愛燦燦

Phew, the hideous pink dress is gone. Why is Mao so breathless? I love “Ai Sansan” though the original performance is best. Tendo Yoshimi doesn’t have a voice powerful or unique enough to pull this one off. She sounds like me at karaoke. Come to think of it, I liked the “duet” with Ogura Kei from a couple of years ago.

48. Saburō Kitajima “Kaerokana” (48) 北島三郎 帰ろかな

Un, kaerou. I like this song, but this whole show has been pathetic apart from a few highlights. But as I said, I like this song, and I’m enjoying this performance. The dramatic choir makes it seem like a song from a movie, haha. Just that the lighting makes Sabu-chan look pale and washed out, so they need to fix that. Great performance. Have I ever mentioned that Sabu-chan looks like my cousin?

49. Sayuri Ishikawa “Tsugaru Kaikyo Fuyugeshiki” (34)

Enough with the self-patting on the back. It’s all fake anyway. One of Ishikawa Sayuri’s staple songs, the other one being Amagigoe. I like the song so this is a good way to close the show for me. I wonder how she does that “aaaa-a” sound.

50. SMAP “SMAP AID Kohaku SP” (19)

Kyaa, SMAP-SAMAAAA. NOT! My opinion of them hasn’t really changed, but now that the band has broken up (until the inevitable reunion concert) I’m actually feeling nostalgic watching them. So affected, ojisan-tachi. No more Nakai-san’s vocals. Such bad singing. Much wow.

I thought for sure they would sing “Sekai ni Hitotsu no Hana” after this. I don’t know this “Original Smile” song but whatever. They should try to hide the syncing a little better.

Finally over. IIRC the Red team won that year. Yup, they won by over 10,000 votes. Dunno why. I bet it was a pity vote because they’d lost for so many years in a row.

Overview

Largely a boring program with many mediocre and forgettable performances. It’s no wonder ratings for the show are declining. And no wonder I stopped watching. But I still found a few likeable gems here and there (esp. Nishida Toshiyuki), and as always I was impressed by the production values and the smoothness of the flow. So I’ll probably watch the next edition, but no telling when. Until then, it’s back to learning Korean for me.

The Other World Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against The Power Of Instant Death – read about 60 chapters of the web novel

It’s the rare manga that prompts me to seek out the web novel. And not just that but to read all the chapters available in English and go beyond to the original author’s page and keep reading for several more chapters. The Other World Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against The Power Of Instant Death (Sokushi Cheat ga Saikyou Sugite, Isekai no Yatsura ga Marude Aite ni Naranai n desu ga 即死チートが最強すぎて、異世界のやつらがまるで相手にならないんですが。) managed to hold my interest much longer than most of the other stuff I’ve read this year, and for that the author Tsuyoshi Fujitaka should be commended. Buuut, I still dropped it after roughly 60 chapters and I’ll tell you why in a bit.

Story: High school senior Yogiri Takatou was on a school field trip when he woke up to a dragon assaulting his sightseeing bus, with the only ones still on the bus being him and his female classmate, the panicking Tomochika Dannoura. Apparently the rest of his classmates had been given special powers by Sion, a woman who introduced herself as a Sage, and escaped from the dragon, leaving those that hadn’t received any special powers behind as dragon bait.

And so Yogiri was thrown into a parallel universe full of danger, with no idea of what just happened. Likewise, Sion had no way of knowing just what kind of being she had summoned to her world.

Turns out Yogiri has the power of Instant Death. And he didn’t learn it in the new world either, it’s heavily implied that he had it all along. Anyone he tells to die will die. Anyone he even thinks about killing will die. Heck, not just “anyone”,  anyTHING in existence – if it moves, if it works, if he wants it to die, it will die. If you play video games, imagine a boss with an unblockable one-hit kill move that he uses at the start of the battle before you can get a hit in. That’s Yogiri Takatou.

On the plus side, he’s a lazy slacker who doesn’t want to kill willy-nilly. He usually makes an attempt to reason with people before ending them. It just happens that he’s been summoned to a world where magic makes people crazy, so the opponents he faces can never be reasoned with. Since his power is so devastating, there’s not much room for fighting or lengthy battle scenes once he uses it, so eventually the web novel devolves into “How much time can we waste with other characters and unnecessary scenes before Yogiri inevitably ends everything with one word?”

That’s the problem all stories with way overpowered characters end up with. Either they have to nerf the character to make it interesting or they have to take him/her off-screen and fill the time with other people and stories to delay the inevitable. You can see it in One Punch Man where Saitama only appears very rarely these days. When he does he rarely fights. When he does get into a fight, he stands around and gets hit for a while just to prolong the inevitable.

So it is in The Other World Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against The Power Of Instant Death, especially the further along the web novel goes. You have to read about boring side characters like Aoi and Hanakawa and Raineel for lengthy periods of time and you have to suffer through a loooong sequence of Yogiri and his team traveling through some boring tower. Once the tower was over I called it quits because these days I’m getting better at spotting dead-end series.

I’ll still read the manga because it’s amusing but there’s too little Yogiri doing actual stuff or making actual progress in the web novel to make it worth suffering through the author’s mediocre, unengaging writing style for it. He has a good idea and an interesting premise, he just has ZERO idea what to do with it.  The way the story is, he really should have planned it as a short three to five volume series with the battles and opponents all prepared before starting. Then he wouldn’t need to stuff a web novel with filler right from the second volume.

BTW, you may have noticed a busty brunette featuring prominently in the art for this series. Her name is Tomochika Dannoura. She’s ostensibly the deuteragonist – the second protagonist, as it were, so a lot of chapters are given from her perspective. But that’s just her cover story. Her real role is to look good on the covers to make it more attractive to buyers and readers. That’s why she never does anything of note in the story. That’s why Yogiri only brings her along because her boobs were soft. Yes, really. But don’t expect any romantic scenes because of that. It’s not that kind of series, at least as far as I read.

Don’t expect any detailed world building either. What you should read it for is how funny it is in the beginning when Yogiri kills stuff. And the vague hope of Yogiri killing the crazy Sage (who is later shown to be not so crazy but we don’t care because Yogiri is probably going to kill her anyway. The series suffers from a lot of that). The early chapters are the best before the author starts rationing his powers. I’d say check out the manga and given the web novel a miss unless you’re really into web novels.

TL;DR – The Other World Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against The Power Of Instant Death is great at first but stops being good pretty quickly.

Radio/TV programs for learning Japanese and Cantonese

Why yes, I’m still learning those two languages. My Japanese is leaps and bounds ahead of my Cantonese of course, so much so that sometimes I don’t even notice that I’m reading or listening to something in Japanese because it feels so natural. But I still have a long way to go with spoken Japanese, mostly because I don’t have the chance to speak it often. That’s why I think it’s necessary to listen to Japanese radio and TV as much as possible.

While it’s true you can learn a lot of spoken Japanese from anime, the fact remains that real Japanese people don’t talk as clearly and in turn and in such orderly, sensible sentences. You want real Japanese, you have to listen to regular humans speaking it to other regular Japanese people. Which is where Japanese radio comes in.

In the past I spent a lot of time trying to find various radio stations and switching back and forth all the time (chronicled in earlier articles in this blog), but nowadays I’m busy, to start with, plus there’s much to be gained by sticking to one station (easier to remember the schedule, easier to find favorite programs and announcers, etc), so I have one go-to radio station for Japanese, and one for Cantonese.

fm castle topFM Castle (Japanese) – You’ll also find it called FM Tanba in places on the internet. It’s a local radio station from Fukuchiyama in Kyoto. You can listen to the broadcast on their website or do like I do and download the asx and add it to your Windows Media Player playlist. You can also listen to them at TuneIn.

What I like about FM Castle is that during the night (Japan time) they play a lot of older Japanese music from the 60s, 70s and 80s, which I really enjoy listening to much more than modern J-Pop. The female singers in the 60s and 70s could really sing as well, beautiful clear voices all around. I keep adding new songs to my mp3 list all the time. Some of the songs are a bit, uhhh, racy though, like the old “Don’t make me take my sailor uniform off” (セーラ服を脱がさないで) songs and stuff, so once in a while I have to mute the station until they sing sometime sensible. During the day they have a lot of talk shows and interviews so you can get your regular listening practice in as well.

rthk logoRTHK Radio 2 (Cantonese) – Their website stream is working again. RTHK has a lot of radio stations, which is why I have to specify Radio 2. Radio 1 is very boring, all about politics and news and more politics. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. Radio 3 is English, I believe, and then some of the other channels broadcast Mandarin only. Radio 2 is the best because it’s mostly Cantonese, and they have a very good mix of music and talk programs. I prefer the music programs like Ngo Ngoi Guangdong Go 我愛廣東歌 (I love Cantonese music) on Sundays and San gwong dai yat sin 晨光第一線 and Hing Tam Chin Cheung Bat ye Tin 輕談淺唱不夜天 at night. Very lively conversations during the day.

Guang Dong TV (Cantonese) – I don’t watch this too often, because somehow I always tend to tune in when they’re giving the news. The newscaster usually speaks in Cantonese with a Mandarin accent and a lot of Mandarin words (has to be heard to be believed) but when they interview people, those people almost always speak Mandarin so I really can’t follow along much.

Once in a while I’m lucky to watch when there’s a drama on, which is usually interesting, but then I forget to tune in the next day and then it’s back to square one. What I need to do is find the TV schedule and pick a few programs to follow. Must put that on my To Do list.

downtown dxDowntown DX & Honma Deka? (Japanese) – The Japanese TV shows I used to watch to get my listening practice in. I usually just get my episodes from Youtube and don’t really care too much whether they’re in broadcast order or not. Recently I’ve stopped watching them, though. I dunno, they just seem so trivial and superficial to me. What this “talent” is wearing, what that talent ate, and the tips and ‘research’ presented on Honma Deka is always spurious and poorly-researched at best, often selected for shock factor rather than usefulness. So I’m actually on the hunt for interesting Japanese programs is anyone has any to recommend.

So that’s the learning situation right now. I can say for sure I learn a lot from listening to Japanese radio, probably because I understand about 95% of what they’re saying already. With Cantonese I just enjoy hearing it spoken, but it would help if I backed up my listening with further studies. I’m working on a new Anki deck featuring actual spoken Cantonese instead of textbook examples, I’ll talk about it one of these days. Until then, that’s the progress I’m making!