Welcome back to another rundown! This time it’s the 62nd edition of NHK Kohaku Utagassen, which took place on December 31st 2011. That means I still have 7 more editions to watch to catch up to the current series, not to mention the next one is happening in just over a month! There were a few good performances that stuck with me in the last one I watched so I have high hopes for this one too.
The presenters are Mao Inoue and Arashi (ugh, again). I don’t know the former and I don’t like the latter so I won’t be focusing too much on them. Instead let’s ignore the boring introduction and get right on with the performances! Oh, the Nadesiko Japan football team was trotted out to say a few words. I’d forgotten about them, but they seem to be doing pretty well since.
1. Ayumi Hamasaki “progress” (13) 浜崎あゆみ
What a horrible night to have a curse… which is listening to Ayumi Hamasaki’s live singing to start a concert. Horrible singing, horrible song, boring outfit, pointless, confusing backup dancing. And at one point she even got slightly ahead of the backing track. Absolutely terrible in every way.
2. NYC “100% Yuuki NYC” (3) 100%勇気NYC
They haven’t impressed me in their previous appearances. I don’t think that will change, but we’ll see. I’m really hoping the decline of Johnny’s talent agency will lead to more fresh faces on my Kohaku screen next time I watch it. Come to think of it, this is the last Kohaku I watched instead of merely downloading it for future watching. I can see why I stopped watching the program.
I like the colorful outfits, but the cringey dancing and obvious lip-syncing does nothing for me. Not to mention their own song “Yumetamago” was rubbish and Yuuki 100% is a Hikaru Genji cover. Gimme the original then.
3. Angela Aki “One Family” (6) アンジェラ・アキ
She cut her hair >_< Argh, I’m so jealous of people who can cut and grow their hair at will. I’ve long given up on getting anything past shoulder length. As long as its healthy, right?
Angela Aki was 9 months pregnant at the time of the show, and according to Wikipedia she had a boy in February 2012. The song itself is John Lennon-type “imagine all the people living life in peace” type bland pap. The stuff people clap politely to, but if you really asked them to open their borders to all and sundry, Japan would be the first to revolt. That’s reality.
4. flumpool “Akashi” (3) 証
Since the March 2011 Tohoku earthquake disaster occurred that year, expect more weepy, melodramatic footage of stars touring the scene to show how caring and compassionate they are. I’m not just saying that because I am a soulless scumbag – although I am – but because I really don’t see how showing off on these tours or writing encouraging songs helps the people on the ground. Though I wouldn’t know, having never been in their place. And never wanting to be there either.
ANYWAY, the song was used for the NHK high school choral contest and the backing vocals are from a choir from Tokushima prefecture. It actually sounds like he’s interrupting their nice singing, lol. The song is weepy glurge. Doesn’t stick in my head.
5. AKB48 “Kohaku 2011 AKB48 Special MIX ~Ganbarō Nihon!~” (4) 紅白2011 AKB48スペシャルMIX 〜がんばろう日本!〜
Geh. And of course they have to talk about how often they went to the disaster zone to cheer people up with their songs. Well, as long as it works. Those fluttery skirts are coming off, aren’t they? Yup. And were discreetly collected by the lower peons.
This Kohaku Utagassen introduced a feature where they write messages from the public on the bottom of the screen. They’ve done this in the form of verbal announcements by the announcers in the past, and that wasn’t so bad. The red and white messages are distracting and hard to read unless I pause. I hope they’ll reconsider that in future editions. I’m going to ignore them from now on.
Introduction of the guest judges. Ah so. Koshino Junko is fancy. The guy next to her refused to even bow and barely smiled. What’s his name? Wah, Kotoshogiku. I used to watch him on NHK during the sumo tournaments.
Mana Ashida, Fuku Suzuki “Maru Maru Mori Mori!” (New) ディズニーの仲間たち・芦田愛菜・鈴木福・紅白有志／ディズニー・スペシャル・メドレー
I remember seeing this duo on all the Japanese variety shows back when the song first came out. Stupidly catchy stuff, even now I find myself singing “maru maru mori mori” sometimes. So cute. I even clapped a little at the end.
Of course they trotted out some children from Tohoku for the usual forced feels, but we’ll ignore that. In fact I think I’ll stop commenting on that aspect of the show. To be fair, it would be weirder if the prestigious annual show ignored the great disaster altogether, but trotting people out from the area like monkeys at the zoo feels kind of pointless. Nevertheless, it is what it is.
Then there’s a Disney special which is like, okay. TBH, this Mickey is so manic he actually scares me a little. And Arashi? Srsly. No. It’s too soon. This is supposed to be a children’s special. Pointless comments from SMAP… I’m always baffled by how young they looked back then.
6. Funky Monkey Babys “Soredemo Shinjiteru” (3) それでも信じてる
So far I haven’t found anything super amazing, but apart from the first two performances, I haven’t heard anything horrible either. Ooh, nice camera angle. I can see the wings and the loitering staff. This performance seemed a bit short.
7. Nishino Kana “Tatoe Donna ni” (2) 西野カナ たとえ どんなに…
I like her dress and the chandelier but the song is meh. Yeah, more and more I’m understanding why I stopped watching Kohaku and following the J-music scene.
8. AAA “CALL” (2)
I made any comments I had to about AAA in their debut performance last year. Unimpressive singing and dancing and music, not helped by the baffling camera angles and frumpy outfits. Next!
9. Miyuki Kawanaka “Nirinsō” (24) 川中美幸 二輪草
This song again. I like it but… y’know? I guess you can think of it as a New Year’s tradition or something. And I didn’t care to see AKB48 again, especially not so soon. Their dance is supposed to show “an age gap” which is why they are dancing with these older guys. TBH I don’t know what they’re trying to say… Actually no, I do know. They’re pandering to AKB48’s fanbase of much older guys, letting them live out a fantasy on stage. CREEEEEEPY. GET OUTTTTTTT.
10. Ken Hirai “Itoshiki Hibi yo” (7) 平井堅 いとしき日々よ
So glad that’s over. I like Ken Hirai’s music but he only knows one way to perform. Sticking his hand up in the air, bringing it down, up, down, up, down. Decent song, but not crazy about it.
11. Ayako Fuji “Ayako no Okuni Jiman dayo ~Ganbarona Tohoku!! Kohaku Special~” (17) 藤あや子 あや子のお国自慢だよ 〜がんばろな東北!!紅白スペシャル〜
Fuji Ayako-samaaaaa <3 She’s so pretty. Hey, isn’t that Tokio? Interesting performance introducing the various festivals of Japan, though the song is unexciting. Also did I mention she’s pretty?
12. Takashi Hosokawa “Nebuta” (35) 細川たかし ねぶた
I thought Hosokawa Takashi had been banned from Kohaku by this point. Hey, hey, AKB48 again? Get out! For some reason, this feels like a very “noisy” song, maybe because there’s so much going on, even more than with Ayako’s segment. Nebuta refers to the Aomori Nebuta Festival IIRC.
13. Nana Mizuki “POP MASTER” (3) 水樹奈々
Meh. Actually I went “meh” before even hearing the song, which wasn’t fair. So I’ll save any other comments till the performance is over… Yeah, meh. At least she’s lip-syncing so she doesn’t sound as screechy as usual. I can’t believe she’s become a fixture of Kohaku Utagassen. She must have a powerful agency backing her.
14. Porno Graffiti “One More Time” (10) ポルノグラフィティ ワンモアタイム
Do you really want… what? The sentence needs an object. Very so-so rock song. I like the lead singer’s outfit but that’s about it.
15. Inawashirokos “I love you & I need you Fukushima” (New) 猪苗代湖ズ I love you & I need you ふくしま
A band that happens to come from Fukushima. Coincidence? I don’t care. Just hope the song is nice. Apparently they held some concerts together with Fukuyama Masaharu, making yet another appearance by live feed. Meh.
…I like the song already. It reminds me of some of the older Rock bands like R.C. Succession. It’s the style that I like more than the song itself, but at least I’m enjoying it more than most of the other songs I’ve heard today. Interesting, it’s not “Fukushima” or “Hukushima” but a sound between F and H. Japanese pronunciation is easier than most, but it does have a few tricks to it.
Aha! When the vocalist started screaming, I remembered him at once. The lead singer of Sambomaster. I still remember the “love and peace!!!” screaming from the end of “Sekai wa Sore o Ai to Yobundaze.” Ouendan 2, good times.
16. Natsuko Godai “Kinmokusei” (18) 伍代夏子 金木犀
An ikebana-themed stage. I like it. And love her kimono. Familiar enka song with the usual tune. I like it though. And a calming song is refreshing after all the noise before.
17. L’Arc-en-Ciel “CHASE” (5)
Their 20th Anniversary that year. I was a huge Laruku fan some years ago, still am on a certain level but not as much. They went on a World Tour in 2012? I wouldn’t mind seeing them live sometime. I’m not familiar with this song, though. Let’s see… I rather like it. I would listen to it a few more times at least. Yeah, I’m biased towards Laruku, bite me. Hyde’s wiggling dance is kinda funny. Like a furry black caterpillar, lol.
18. Kaori Mizumori “Shōnai Heiya Kaze no Naka” (9) 水森かおり 庄内平野 風の中
Inspired by a particular prefecture/hometown which was just mentioned but I don’t remember. But that’s where the coach of Nadeshiko Japan was from, so he’s happy about it. I’m just happy it’s not Tohoku this time. Not sure how to feel about this performance. It’s so generic “enka song” and even Kaori Mizumori looks and dresses the same as always. Meh.
19. Shinichi Mori “Minato Machi Blues” (44) 森進一 港町ブルース
His 44th consecutive performance. And it’s a song I don’t know, not Ofukuro-san. Ureshii. Heavy foundation, lip gloss, hair dye. They all do it, but it’s so obvious on him. I like this song, Might even listen to it again sometime.
20. Ringo Sheena “Carnation – Akagumi nara Dare Demo” (New) 椎名林檎 カーネーション-紅組なら誰でも
I’ve heard her name several times before, now I get to see the real thing. Hmmm… That chandelier is still up there? Just because I said it was nice? :-p Oya? There was something under the dress? Huh. Well whatever. I’m not impressed by either song. Why is she getting so much play time? It’s boring. The fake teary look got boring with the first song as well. Next.
Rimi Natsukawa (6), Masafumi Akikawa (4) “Asu to Iu Hi ga” 夏川りみ ・ 秋川雅史 あすという日が
Mao Inoue looks a bit breathless from changing so quickly lol. Anyway, this is the end of the first half of the show, so there’s a minute for voting and an interlude and stuff. I got tired of the music after the first 30 seconds. Rimi Natsukawa is like Ken Hirai, only one furitsuke. The background and Natsukawa are drowning Akikawa a bit, but it works so it’s okay. And who doesn’t like cute babies and maudlin stories?
Just wish there wasn’t so much Mao Inoue in it, ‘cos, like, the babies are way cuter. Why do I have to listen to a whole song about Mao Inoue playing with babies?
WHAT. Red team is winning? Oh yeah, they did win this year didn’t they? Meh. It doesn’t mean anything anyway.
21. KARA “KARA 2011 Special Medley” (New) KARA 2011スペシャルメドレ
KARA’s first appearance on Kohaku… Hahaha, Tendo Yoshimi and Akko and Miyuki Kawanaka. I giggled slightly, though perhaps that reveals the ageist bias within me. And within the Japanese. Boring performance like most idol groups. I know that “Mister” song, one of the few Korean songs I can recognize. And what’s the point of a booty-shaking performance when you don’t have a booty to shake?
22. Hideaki Tokunaga “Jidai” (6) 徳永英明 時代
Korokke says he has come up with a new joke where enka singers like Kitajima Saburo sing AKB48 songs. It might be funny, but I won’t look for it.
Hideaki Tokunaga continuing his career of scoring hits from covers of female singers. This one is “Jidai” a cover of Nakajima Miyuki, one of my favorite singers. So naturally I prefer the harsh and ironic tones of the original. Tokunaga has a softer voice, so his version is more soothing and comforting, which works in a way but nahhh. I like the stringy things in the background, btw.
23. Perfume “Laser Beam” (4) レーザービーム
I wonder who designs their costumes. Too screechy, had to reduce the volume. Boring song, boring dance, only the outfits are interesting. And at my age I only feel sympathy for people who have to dance vigorously in high heels…
24. TOKIO “Miageta Ryusei” (18) 見上げた流星
Kokubun seems to be playing the piano for reals, okay? Oh, it’s the alcoholic pedophile member whose name I can’t remember. What’s going on with Tokio these days? I’ll miss them from my Kohaku even though this song is totally forgettable.
25. Girls’ Generation “GENIE” (New) 少女時代
If they were going to perform, they should have sung “Gee” instead. I like that one. And hate it at the same time. It’s the second K-pop song I know. Dunno which of the girls did the introduction, but her Japanese is really good. So this was when the Hallyu wave hit Japan. Ordinary song, but better than KARA’s.
26. Hiromi Go “Go Smile Japan” (24) 郷ひろみ
Eh. I guess I like the message of “You don’t have to work that hard.” This old man. He’s really energetic for a 51-year old guy. I’ll have to up my game so I can hop around when I’m that age too. Nice dentures too. 2 oku 4 sen man is one his classics. I like it actually. Yay!
27. aiko “Koi no Superball” (10) 恋のスーパーボール
Aiko keeps showing up, but I just can’t get into her songs. Will this be the one that does it for me? … … It’s okay but not blowing me away. That’s the best I can get from her.
28. Yuzu “Hey Wa” (4) ゆず Hey和
The comments from the guest judges aren’t really needed IMO, but this was a bit amusing.
This is the most boring Kohaku Utagassen I’ve ever watched. Enough talking, start singing. Buying time for the staff to set up eh? This had better be worth it… but it wasn’t. So-so song.
29. Koda Kumi “Ai wo Tomenaide” (7) 倖田來未 愛を止めないで
Bad song, doesn’t work with her voice, and the dress is unimaginative. And it’s the same motions for all her songs. Next please.
30. Tohoshinki “Why? (Keep Your Head Down)” (3) 東方神起
Otherwise you’ll get shot? :-p That’s why they’re hopping around all over the stage? What is this I don’t even… Actually I liked the seizure-dancing better than the song. Next! Phew, it finally ended.
And now for a brief interlude of Arashi torture with a piano rescued from the ruins of the Tohoku earthquake. Blahhhh.
31. Ayaka Hirahara “Ohisama ~Taisetsu na Anata e” (8) 平原綾香 おひさま〜大切なあなたへ
J-dramas are so crappy. The acting is so horrible. The skits are pathetic too. Wow, I really hate this show. Why am I still watching? I just wanted some musical performances, not J-drama promotion.
The song is blah, and every shot is people crying and crying. Horrible. Next next next next next!!!
32. Masao Sen “Kitaguni no Haru” (16) 千昌夫 北国の春
I don’t know Masao Sen, so I guess I learned something new. You can read more about him here. I want this show to be over already. Kitaguni no Haru is supposed to be his signature tune, let’s see if I’ll get something download-worthy this time. Hmm, I think I’ve heard it before.
I’ve had enough of this sucky show. Gonna take a break first and come back later. Messages of encouragement from people all over the world. BOOOOOORIIIIIIING. Ohay, it’s Jackie Chan. Fast forward to the next performance.
Or not… Actually I took a whole week off from watching this show because it was so boring. I watched Zeta Gundam instead, which I will totally post about one of these days. It started slow but got better once Kamille stopped being such a… jerk. Yes, jerk is the most polite thing I can call him. And I liked seeing Amuro again.
33. Sachiko Kobayashi “Onna no Sakaba” (33) 小林幸子 おんなの酒場
That outfit must have cost thousands and taken months to construct. The song itself is just a normal enka song. Whoa! I took my eyes off her for a second and this giant dragon swallowed her! Last boss-sama! Whoooaa. This is pretty cool! But again, the song is just normal. It would have been fun to watch live, though.
34. Toshiyuki Nishida “Ano Machi ni Umarete” (4) 西田敏行 あの街に生まれて
He is from Tokushima. Hence the song meaning “I was born in that city.” They’re showing a local program that goes on several times a day, means to cheer the people up. Bread and circuses.
Wow, I like his voice. It’s soothing. Wow, I really like this song, 75% becauase of the voice and 25% because it’s very soothing and pleasant to my stressed ears. Rewind and listen again before moving on…
35. Ayaka “Minna Sora no Shita” (5) 絢香 みんな空の下
Boring song. I’m not going to waste a lot of words on dull performances from now on.
36. Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi “Hitotsu” (3) 長渕剛 ひとつ
Ooh, I like Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi. He’s so “trying hard to look cool” all the time, lol. But I’m not familiar with this song. …and I’ll hear it eventually, once he’s done talking for 10 years… It’s so-so. It’s cheap of the camera to go round the crowds looking for people crying, like, a little privacy please? Another boring, overwrought performance, TBH.
37. Akiko Wada “Ano Kane wo Narasu no wa Anata” (35) 和田アキ子 あの鐘を鳴らすのはあなた
One of her famous songs. Oh, I like her dress. And the chandelier keeps getting bigger and fancier. It will take over Japan at this rate. Man, I really like her dress. I like this song, but I have it on mp3 so I’ve heard it tons of times before. I enjoyed the passionate performance, though. And I like her raspier voice these days.
38. Arashi “2011 Kohaku Special Medley” (3) 嵐 2011紅白スペシャルメドレー
Tch. Arashi. I hear they’re calling it quits after 2020. Unlike SMAP I will not miss them.
39. Ikimono-gakari “Aruite Ikou” (4) いきものがかり 歩いていこう
What a hideous dress. It was made from public suggestions, and it shows. Don’t take the public so seriously. Well well, the song without much ado. Hmm… It’s okay. Though the girl just walking in a grim cityscape is kind of depressing TBH. I need to find more synonyms apart from “okay” and “so-so.” Average. Unforgettable. Meh. Looked up and the girl was walking with animals. Ah so.
40. Hiroshi Itsuki “Furusato” (41) 五木ひろし ふるさと
Hai, enough talking. Gimme Itsuki, I like him. Maybe they’re killing time while he’s setting up? Phew, at last. Itsuki Hiroshi, singing this song at Kohaku for the first time in 38 years. Ooh, I like the colorful background, and it’s not as pixelly as it was two years ago. Still a bit blurry though. Where did my favorite chandelier go? I like the song. Maybe it’s because it’s so old, it feels really nostalgic.
41. Seiko Matsuda (16), Sayaka Kanda (New) “Ue wo Muite Arukou” 松田聖子 / 神田沙也加 上を向いて歩こう
Seiko trying to give a boost to her daughter’s career. Doesn’t seem to have worked, since I haven’t heard of Sayaka Kanda becoming a major star by 2019. Let’s see… according to wikipedia she was able to land the dub voice of Anna in Frozen… and that’s it for major achievements. But enough jealousy and trash-talking, how’s the song?
Well it’s Kyu Sakamoto’s classic so I know it already. I think this rendition is too drawn out for a song that is supposed to be upbeat and peppy and sung with conviction. This is more like someone who is trying to talk themselves into feeling good but failing. Too realistic, lol.
BTW I need the number of Seiko-san’s plastic surgeon. Call me, doc, I need you! ^_~
42. Kiyoshi Hikawa “Jounetsu no Mariachi” (12) 氷川きよし 情熱のマリアッチ
This time his theme is Mexico? Omoshiroi. Wahhh, dat outfit. I LOVE IT. I think? The song is boring and the backup dancers are stiff and fake. Kiyoshi, I am disappoint.
43. Fuyumi Sakamoto “Yozakura Oshichi” (23) 坂本冬美 夜桜お七
I like this song a lot too. Used to have the mp3 but must have lost it. And no distracting background singers. Lovely performance, really like it Bueno.
44. Masaharu Fukuyama “Kazoku ni Narou yo” (4) 福山雅治 家族になろうよ
Whoa, what a crowd. Even with the blacked out sections, that’s a huge crowd. So is this guy ever going to show up on the Kohaku stage or will he always be singing via live feed? Welp, he has a few songs I like but I’m not that crazy about him. I take the songs on a case by case basis. And this one is… Unmemorable. Unimpressive. His singing voice isn’t anything special either. Next.
45. Yumi Matsutoya “(Minna no) Haru yo, Koi” (2) 松任谷由実 （みんなの）春よ、来い
Yumin! I like some of her songs, and “Haru yo, Koi” is pretty much her signature tune. Oh I see, everyone’s going to sing together. Her hair style makes her look old and doddering, because it’s too ‘young’. Don’t do this hairstyle again. Ooh, I love Fuji Ayako’s pink dress. I’m singing along since everyone’s supposed to sing too.
46. Exile “Rising Sun” (7)
Exile-san-tachi, you guys are looking a bit… up there in years. But fit, man. I can’t dance like that. Of course, the two guys who just sing and never dance are the two main leaders. Actually I enjoy watching Exile-ojisan-tachi perform even though their music is boring, because the dances are so over the top. I hope they don’t disband. Where else would I get jumping ojisan-tachi to watch? Man, if I danced like this, I would be so… dead. But fit. *clap clap clap* I can’t do it so I applaud.
47. Yoshimi Tendō “Ai Sansan” (16) 天童よしみ 愛燦燦
Phew, the hideous pink dress is gone. Why is Mao so breathless? I love “Ai Sansan” though the original performance is best. Tendo Yoshimi doesn’t have a voice powerful or unique enough to pull this one off. She sounds like me at karaoke. Come to think of it, I liked the “duet” with Ogura Kei from a couple of years ago.
48. Saburō Kitajima “Kaerokana” (48) 北島三郎 帰ろかな
Un, kaerou. I like this song, but this whole show has been pathetic apart from a few highlights. But as I said, I like this song, and I’m enjoying this performance. The dramatic choir makes it seem like a song from a movie, haha. Just that the lighting makes Sabu-chan look pale and washed out, so they need to fix that. Great performance. Have I ever mentioned that Sabu-chan looks like my cousin?
49. Sayuri Ishikawa “Tsugaru Kaikyo Fuyugeshiki” (34)
Enough with the self-patting on the back. It’s all fake anyway. One of Ishikawa Sayuri’s staple songs, the other one being Amagigoe. I like the song so this is a good way to close the show for me. I wonder how she does that “aaaa-a” sound.
50. SMAP “SMAP AID Kohaku SP” (19)
Kyaa, SMAP-SAMAAAA. NOT! My opinion of them hasn’t really changed, but now that the band has broken up (until the inevitable reunion concert) I’m actually feeling nostalgic watching them. So affected, ojisan-tachi. No more Nakai-san’s vocals. Such bad singing. Much wow.
I thought for sure they would sing “Sekai ni Hitotsu no Hana” after this. I don’t know this “Original Smile” song but whatever. They should try to hide the syncing a little better.
Finally over. IIRC the Red team won that year. Yup, they won by over 10,000 votes. Dunno why. I bet it was a pity vote because they’d lost for so many years in a row.
Overview
Largely a boring program with many mediocre and forgettable performances. It’s no wonder ratings for the show are declining. And no wonder I stopped watching. But I still found a few likeable gems here and there (esp. Nishida Toshiyuki), and as always I was impressed by the production values and the smoothness of the flow. So I’ll probably watch the next edition, but no telling when. Until then, it’s back to learning Korean for me.
