Silly joke: Scottish ladies

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?”

One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”

So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?”

And that’s the last thing I remember.

Silly Joke: Romantic wishes

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said: “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

The wife answered: “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.”

The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…

The husband became 92 years old!

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember that fairies are female…

Silly joke: For monks only

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he’s ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn’t sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk.”

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

“In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is beyond that door.”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life’s wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound……

But, of course, I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

Silly joke: Cat on the roof

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra-special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.

Her husband said: The cat just died.

She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Couldn’t you have broken the news gradually?! Today, you could have said it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?

Husband: She is playing on the roof.

10 anime jokes that made me smile

I haven’t ready any anime jokes funny enough to make me LOL before, but I’ve run into a few that made my lips twitch into a smile. That’s probably the most one could hope for from jokes about anime, as opposed to jokes within anime. See how many of these anime jokes you can get:

1Q: Where does Kagome clean her clothes? 
 A: Inu-washa 🙂 

2Q: Why is Light like a lift? 
A: Because he’s an L evader. 

3. Q: What is the difference between Love and Naruto?

A: Naruto lasts forever.

4Your momma is so Fat even Naruto doesn’t believe it !

5. You’re so stupid someone handed you the Death Note and you thought they wanted your autograph!

6Yo mama’s so fat that when she stepped on the scale, her weight was OVER 9000!!!

7Yo Mama’s so fat, she walked in front of the TV and I missed three seasons of Inuyasha!

8. Q: Why is Christmas Kira’s favorite holiday?
A: No L.

9. Q: How many Kiras does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Light’s already there.

10Q: How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 
A- One, but it takes him 10 episodes!

Honorable mention: 

Q: What’s the difference between naruto and a dead squirrel?

A: The squirrel’s dead. [note: it doesn’t make any sense, but I smiled precisely because it’s so nonsensical. Onto the list it goes]